I walked down the street, Alice and Tari following behind, she had warmer clothes on than the last time, and was there to translate in any run-ins with a slave, and help watch for followers. Turning left at a street intersection, I came face to face with Dirmuon, the obnoxious heir of House Heryn’Alin, and his three idiot lackeys. He turned to peer at me, then sneered, and swaggered over to stand in front of me, standing around an inch taller then me, he looked me in the eyes, “Well, looks like Meril-Ereg can still show it’s face in public. Your sad excuse for a family should leave already, treating slaves as more than the animals they are.” He spat, his breath smelled of Blackspore, a potent alcohol made from a fermented mushroom, and many other things. He bared his teeth in a grin, the vile drink staining his teeth a dirty yellow, and I could feel Tari tensing behind me. “Is it true you sleep with your slaves, little animal lover?” I looked evenly into his eyes, “No, you just like to fantasize that I do during the late hours of the night.” The drunk snarled, and his lackeys grumbled, “Why, pray tell would I ever think about you like that, slave kisser?” I smiled slightly. “Because thinking of yourself would instantly kill any arousal.” Alice choked back a laugh behind me, Dirmuon roared, swinging his fist at my head. I moved to block the swing, when Tari interposed her hand, and his fist stopped nearly immediately. I reached to push him over, and Tari again interrupted, throwing the Druchii a full twenty feet into his friends. He scrambled up to his feet, and jabbed his finger at me, hand shaking uncontrollably, “Malekith will hear ‘bout this, Sorcerer!” He screeched and ran off as fast as he could. It was right then that I realized that, as they couldn’t see Tari, it looked like I had used magic. I turned to Alice, “We need to leave Naggarond.” Alice was taken aback, “Why? It wasn’t really a proper fight, Tari did it all.” I leaned in close to her, whispering, “They can’t see Tari, it looked like I used magic, which is illegal for males. We need to head home, get Hjeki and any supplies we can get, then leave as fast as possible.” she nodded, although she didn’t understand what was going on. While I packed, I asked Tari a series of questions, which, in hindsight I should have asked before. “Why did you do that?” She looked at me apologetically. “I have to protect my master and I followed his plan of attack, it’s what I’m supposed to do.” I nodded in understanding, “Next time, try to avoid it looking like magic.” Tari nodded. “So, where did the rumor of you using sorcery against Dirmuon come from?” I turned to the source of the voice, my younger sister, Myrian. “What do the rumors say?” She smiled slightly, “Well, they range from you stopping his fist and throwing him without making contact, to you turning the snow to fire and calling down lightning. So, any of them true? Are you a wizard?” The rumors sure escalated quickly. “It’s semi true.” Myrian looked at me, confused, “What the hell do you mean by that?” she demanded. “Tari, make yourself visible.” I ordered. Myrian jumped when the Daemon appeared next to her. “What the hell? Where did you come from? What are you?” she glared at me, “What’s going on?” she demanded. Tari leapt across the room to stand beside me. “I’m a big scary Daemon possessing your brother.” She poked her tongue out at my sister. Myrian looked at me in horror, eyes accusing me. “It’s not entirely true, Tari, you can explain better than me.” The Daemon sighed, and I continued to pack. “Yesterday a slave attempted to summon a Daemon into Iyskyth, and would have succeeded if Alice, a human mage hadn’t realized what was happening…” She began. “... and now we are here.” Myrian looked at me, then back to Tari, and chuckled. “How is it you manage to catch every misfortune that befalls this family? So, Tari, other than make sarcastic comments and get my brother into trouble, can you do anything? Also, lots of possessed gain Daemon-like abilities, will he?” Tari thought for a bit, “As long as he can supply me with sufficient energy, I should be able to do anything a Daemon of my power level can do, I could do more if he learned how to manipulate the Winds. As to the second question,” she shrugged, “Maybe? I’ve no clue, this hasn’t happened before. Ever.” Myrian’s eyes widened, and I felt shock course through my brain. “How is it that this is the first time? What makes me so different?” Tari rubbed her eyes, “The world is changing, for millennia there has been a status quo, the forces of Order and Destruction evenly matched. But it has been broken, Elder gods stir for the first time in millennia. No one can tell how the world is going to change.” Change? What the hell is an Elder God? So many questions, but I didn’t have any time to ask. I continued packing. “Goodbye, Iyskyth, this will probably be the last time we talk. Khaine guide your swords.” Myrian hugged me, and turned to leave. I remembered the dream suddenly. “Wait. If you can, I want you to be out of Naggaroth before the month is over. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a feeling I’ve got.” She nodded and left. Wishing I could stay, I turned to join my friends. Three dozen Dreadspears and a Warlock waited at the gate. “Iyskyth Meril-Ereg, you have been accused of Sorcery, do you deny this claim?” the speaker was a Corsair with a repeater crossbow. I scowled, “Do I look like a Sorcerer?” I narrowly dodged the crossbow bolt. Hjeki shouted something, and started forwards. “Hjeki, wait!” Crap he can’t understand me. Well, I guess we’ll have to fight. The Warlock started an incantation, and was then cut off when Tari smashed her fist into his face. He catapulted backwards into the Dreadspears behind him, knocking a few over with the force. I drew my swords and charged. The Corsair was lying broken on the ground. Hjeki stood amongst the dreadspears, roaring as he beat them back with the Corsair’s sword. A spear thrust at me, but I ducked it, another headed for my face, when Tari splintered it. I drove my sword into the Dreadspear to my right, and drove my dagger in between the eyes of the one ahead of me. Tari crushed the helmet of the one on my left, driving the metal through his skull and into his head. Alice shouted something, and Tari pulled me to the ground, when a hail of millions of inch long splinters sprayed into the men, maiming nearly every single one. The few who could still fight were killed by Tari before I could even stand up. I looked back at Alice, who was pale from the effort of casting. Hjeki stood up, and came over to me, saying something which sounded like a question. Tari came over to me and translated, “He’s asking if you are alright.” I nodded, and gestured towards Alice. “Help her.” again Tari translated, and he nodded, lumbering over, and picking her up off of the ground. She smiled in thanks. A regiment of Black Guard rounded the corner, a Dreadlord at their head with a Sorceress and a dozen Warlocks. “Tari, do you think you could get the gate open?” The Daemon nodded, but then stopped. “Can you live long enough for me to open it? Without me you are a normal lordly whelp.” I grimaced, uncertain myself. “I’ll think of something.” The Daemon nodded and headed to the gate. The regiment stopped seventy feet away to survey the wreckage Alice had left of the Dreadspears. Their leader looked at me accusingly. I gazed back evenly, “I challenge you to a duel.” The Sorceress’ face twisted with confusion, then broke out in a predatory smile, and she stepped past the Dreadlord. “I accept, as the challenged party I claim my right to choose the bounds of the duel.” I nodded. “We battle with every skill we have, until the other surrenders, or is too injured to continue. The victor chooses the fate of the loser.” I gulped, that let her use her magic. “Begin!” she shouted, and I dove forwards, charging the distance in between us in four seconds. I reached combat distance as she completed her first incantation. I slashed at her midriff with my dagger, but met an invisible barrier. She grasped the back of my tunic and lifted me from the ground, swinging me around her, she threw me head first at a wall. I tucked my head beneath my arms, hearing my shoulder crack slightly with the impact. I staggered to my feet, turning to face the Sorceress, expecting a magical blast to hit me, but none came. She wasn’t there. A hand grasped my throat, and drove me back against the wall, she still had that insane grin plastered across her face, and held my dagger up to my face. “Surrender.” She demanded. I laughed slightly, and shook my head. She pulled the knife away, and thrust it back towards me. I closed my eyes, and felt searing pain as the knife was driven into my right shoulder, scraping against the bone. She slowly pulled it out, wiggling it against the sides of the wound. She positioned it for another thrust. “Surrender.” She demanded again, “This is your last chance.” I looked her directly in the eyes, “You surrender.” She grimaced, and started to drive the blade at me again. Tari grabbed her arms, yanking her off of me, and throwing her to the ground. The Sorceress leapt to her feet, holding the dagger ahead of her. Then the blade fell off. The knife had been corroded, and as we looked down at it, the blood that had landed on the ground began to hiss and steam, eating into the paving stones. The Sorceress looked at me in shock, and I’m not sure who was more surprised, me or her. Tari stood next to me, “We can run now, the others are waiting outside.” I nodded, and the Sorceress started chanting. Tari wiped her hand against my injured shoulder, and then grabbed the Sorceress’ face. I felt sick as the smell of burning flesh filled the air, and the blood hissed against her skin. After a few seconds of struggling, the Druchii went limp, and Tari dropped her onto the ground. I looked at my shoulder, the bloodflow had slowed, but it was still bleeding. My tunic was ruined, the blood had burnt a gash nearly down to my belt. The Dreadlord shouted something, and the Black Guard charged. I felt my feet leave leave the ground, and before I could protest, Tari had nearly reached the top of the wall. “By all that is holy, and most things that aren’t! Are you okay, Iyskyth?” I realized how bad the injury must look, with blood reaching past my midriff and my tunic in tatters, Alice approached me, and reached out to see the severity of the wound. “Don’t touch it!” I caught her arm before she could reach my shoulder. Hjeki said something, and Tari picked a stone off of the ground. “Iyskyth, I need to see how bad it is, so let go.” Tari touched her hand to Alice’s shoulder, “You can’t, it’s dangerous.” Alice looked at her in confusion, and the Daemon sighed. To save time explaining, she dipped the stone she’d picked up into the blood. It hissed violently, steaming as the blood melted it. Alice gasped, and Hjeki said something. “He said it’s a side effect of possession.” Tari translated. I nodded, “So, now where do we go?” Alice asked. We all realized that we had no idea, Tari spoke up, “We could head east to the sea, but then we would have to acquire a seaworthy boat and a crew, while still in hostile territory. We could head North, but between the Watchtowers and the upcoming winter, it would be a bad idea. That leaves West or South, west just goes into the nearly uninhabited mountains and Shadow Warriors, and South is towards Lustria, and the First.” We all nodded at her points, but were confused at her last point. “The first what?” Tari winced, “I meant the Lizardmen” that was her only answer. I thought about it for a bit, “I vote for south, it won’t have as harsh a winter, also ships regularly set sail to Lustria, just try to avoid any Lizardmen sites.” Alice translated what I said for Hjeki, who said something in answer, so she translated his comment as well. “He agrees with you, the North is too dangerous this time of year, and he’d prefer to leave Naggaroth as soon as possible. I also agree.” I smiled, feeling lightheaded due to loss of blood. “South it is then.” While we walked I checked my shoulder. The wound had stopped bleeding, and the blood had dried. Was it still acidic? Could I clean it off now that it was dry? A gust of wind came through, and I shivered as it blew through the gash in my tunic, it had been thick enough to protect from the cold, but with the damage, it was useless. I’d have to change at the first opportunity, but I couldn’t stop now. That night we stopped near a slow river, and I found that, thankfully, the blood lost it’s acidity after it dried. “Alice really lost out when she didn’t come to see the view.” I glared at the Daemon, lying on some rocks next to the river. Then continued to clean the wound. “Hey, if you get to take off your clothes, can I?” I closed my eyes in a silent prayer for patience, “I’m cleaning myself, I can’t do that with my clothes on.” The Daemon smiled, her eyes glinting, “So, what you’re saying is that I can take them off, but I have to be cleaning myself to do it.” I looked at her, exasperated, “Yes, but find your own part of the stream!” The Daemon leapt into the water, and resurfaced a few feet from me. “Found one!” I turned my back on her. “Away from me!” I demanded. The Daemon sighed, and wrapped her arms around my torso. “I can’t go too far away from you. The larger the distance between you and me, the more Magic it requires. You would likely collapse if I even went to the camp. It would help if you learnt to cast.” This was the second time she’d said something along those lines. “You want me to learn Magic?” “No, I want you to bake me cakes and cookies. What do you think?” I winced at her caustic tone. “It’s not as caustic as your blood” She’d been looking into my head again. “Alright, I’ll talk to Alice about it.” The Daemon shifted behind me. “I’m a being composed of magic, and you want to learn from a Hedgewitch? That’s almost insulting.” I continued to scrub the dried blood off of my body. “I have yet to see you cast a spell, Alice has saved me with her magic on two separate occasions.” Tari laughed. “What? You mean Fires of U’Zhul, and Splinters of Anraheir? I don’t think she even knows Battle Magic, I’ll be the first to admit that she’s powerful, but she isn’t the sort of mage you’d get to teach you magic. Both spells haven’t been used by major practitioners in over two hundred years.” I turned to look the Daemon in the eyes. “Can you explain to me why a spell that can maim nearly thirty armored men hasn’t been used by mages in so long?” Tari sighed. “Splinters of Anraheir is normally a nearly harmless spell, unless one of the splinter get’s infected. It was made to flush small animals out of the undergrowth, and used as a practice spell for Life and Beast wizards. What Alice did was pump an extreme amount of power into that spell. She nearly miscast, why do you think she was so strained? Most mages using that sort of power would blow themselves into the heavens.” I finished getting the last of the blood off. “Well, I need to sleep, We can continue this conversation later.” I put on my breeches, and left. Characters Iyskyth Meril-Ereg (EE-SK-ITH MER-ILL-ER-REG)- A young Druchii, previously Heir to the House of Meril-Ereg. 6’2” tall, 74 kg. Alice Iasan (AL-ISS EE-ARS-AN)- A young minor wizard, she hails from the Empire and has befriended Iyskyth. 5’1” tall, 62 kg. Hjeki (Hee-eki)- A large Norskan, he is extremely strong and tough, despite his rather young age, and has befriended Iyskyth. His father is Hrimki, a once great Warlord. 6’11” tall, 102 kg. Tari (Tar-ee)- A Daemon who maintains her connection to this world by a link to Iyskyth’s being. Invisible to normal mortals unless Iyskyth let’s them see her. In current form: 5’9” tall, 71 kg. Myrian Meril-Ereg (MIR-IAN MER-ILL-ER-REG)- Iyskyth’s younger sister, member of the House of Meril-Ereg. 5’11” tall, 69 kg.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, these are better than every one liner in my stories combined! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! That makes Ardaris' nastiness in her Origins look like cake and cuddles! Also, was that Black Blood from the mutation chart? Hedgewitch? Fires of U'Zhul? We haven't even decided on a Warband yet, and you're already Mordheiming. I like how she used a harmless spell turned up to eleven to injure, keep going, Bob can wait to find out what happens to Ardaris, I am enjoying helping you with these. Can't wait for more, although we'll have to balance it out due to the parallel storylines. I like how these people would have normal lives if it wasn't for my insanity of a storyline. Sorry, I would have replied sooner, but I wanted to see what @spawning of Bob would say, but he only replied to Daemons of Order. Also I was trying to find a way to tear you down from your pedestal of awesome, but you've topped me for now. Thinking of Daemons, Tari seems to be shaping up as a good Daemon of Sex and Sarcasm. I think Alice is my favourite of yours, but I can see you like them all equally. Keep up the good work! Write slave! *Cracks whip*
Good story! But being the perverse lizard that I am, some of the ideas behind the mechanics are of great interest to me. The Daemon uses power from Iy..y..y ker-SKYTH. Gesundheit. That power drain is going to hurt sometime. His mutation could come in handy when he meets vampires, I guess, but is it going to escalate? When he needs a cure where will he turn? The status quo is changeing - always a shot in the arm for WHFB fiction. Spoiler: I was planning to get out of the critique business. Look what you have done to my peaceful retirement. Questions and statements: Is Tari visible to him all the time? You know you can get Tari to translate for Hjeki, too? And you spelt it Hreki in the second last paragraph. I find sexual tension pretty awkward, probably because all the ladeez in RL secretly want what is under my eggshell. Yes, my amazing intellect makes me a sex object. But you are doing it well and it makes character sense and makes the relationship richer / more awkward. I hope you don't fall back on it too much, and I hope you can mix it up a bit without making it squicky. So I know that Malekith hunts down all male mages (because of some prophecy about N-nothing important. That is, I heard a good deal about a ring, and a Dark Lord, and something about the end of the world, but... Please, Mr. Rose Thorn, sir, don't hurt me. Don't turn me into anything... unnatural.) BUT you are writing to a general lizard audience and you could afford to preface that in chapter one ("Oh Poop, this daemon-host-with-mutations thing is going to make Thursday night at the sauna with the boys very awkward"). And given that I really don't know the difference, why would the first warlock be starting an incantation? I intend to deal with a future magical dark elf by having him a) use bound-spell objects and b) be lusting for geomantic power because he means to supplant Malekith - he is not inherently magical. So far the plot up to the first paragraph has been driven by destiny - there hasn't been a revealed cause for Sneezy to acquire slaves, the hooded stranger, the daemonhost attack. Then BAM in paragraph 1 or 2 above (it is hard to say which) he has a very plausible reason fro getting out of Naggaroth and I expect the plot will move in that clear direction for the next section or two. If you choose to do a later rewrite of chapter one (and I am not saying you need to, by any means) you could preface the (want to buy a bodyguard?) situation in more detail, and give more flesh to the bones of him having very real (but mysterious) enemies. But pleasey-weasey break up the mega paragraphs and confusing blocks of text where someones words and someone else's reactions sometimes share the same line. "Enters" are "free" on L-O. That is to say, "free" after you have sold your soul to the Red Devil. It's in the fine print somewhere.
Really cool stuff! I like your characters a lot. Especially cause the dark elf is more like a "normal" guy who is just living in another culture / society and not like Mr. Malice the totally evil guy.
Yeah, I will try to split up walls of text, and sorry about same line dialogue for different characters, I'm using a tablet, so I have to judge it by eye a lot.
I fixed the paragraphing to be smaller, and I think there won't be any more same line text. Please inform me about any same line text you see.