I decided to rework my armies fluff a bit and frankly started over. I've decided that there are many aspects of my previous writings I'll be keeping but this is where it's all going to begin. Trying to tie my AOS lore into my Fantasy lore is a bit difficult atm so I'm choosing to focus on the AOS part of it. I'll be keeping many of my original characters but also creating a new main character: Xiuh'Luna a Moonblood (Sunblood under a new name). This short story revolves around the first of many battles against the Orruks of Ghur in a revenge campaign after the slaughtering of the Temple City of Vio'tilla which housed sacred plaques to the Blood Moon Cults serpent goddess Metzlitlaco. I would love any and all thoughts, criticisms and whatver else, just please be constructive about it Thanks for taking the time to read my fluff! Cult of the Blood Moon - AOS A dark night looms over the landscape of Ghur, howls are heard in the night as a hunt it beckoned, minutes later the squealing of a canyon boar is heard. Fangs rip into the soft underbelly as the pack leader holds the boar by the throat, its squealing silenced by the strong jaws of the Jangayu as its gutted and ripped apart while alive. Above them as if an omen of the night to come and of the blood soaked soil a blood moon shown bright, its red aura piercing the darkest spaces. One of the giant feline like creatures looks up as a noise is heard by its large ears, in the distance figures form ontop of a hill. Grunting, Roaring and weapon clanging erupt from the now enormous number of bodies, the hill line dotted with Orruks. Another Jangayu looks up as a single body comes over a far hill across from the Orruks, a small reptile decorated with exotic feathers, silver, rare gems while holding a staff. The staff has two Serpents facing each other on it both having crystal like feathered wings and between their snouts a Blood Moon. What begins as a whisper slowly builds into a loud bellowing chant of incomprehensible words and ancient language, in his right hand a plaque. The Orruks erupt into a war call scream which sounds like a avalanche in response to the reptile. Unnerved the Jangayu pack drags what bits of the boar they can before fleeing knowing what is to come. The lone skink stops his chanting and instead steps forward one step, this alone sets the Orruks off into a rage, a challenge has been issued. In an instant a tsunami of green and reddish brown ascend down the hill into the small valley below closing the distance quickly. The skink turns his back to the war boss and disappears into the black, and in his stead a battleline of Saurus appear. None make a noise, instead right before the Orruks charge into the line they all look up at the Blood Moon and lift their weapons to it; and with that they themselves charge into the fray. Running down the hill the Saurus meet the Orruks with strength and momentum. Again chanting is heard, but louder, even now the saurus join in and as it goes on it is as if the moon itself begins to glow brighter. Blood, guts, limbs, dead war beasts all are found on the battlefield as the battle rages on. Giant Maw Crushas battle with Carnosaurs, both apexs struggling to dominate the other. Behind the Orruk line shooting stars are seen falling from the heavens until they crash down onto the surface, but no stars are these, more Seraphon appear! Before the Orruks can figure out what has happened another battle line of Saurus form, but these more seasoned warriors and amongst then a Moonblood as they are called. A savage roar erupts from the midnight blue and blood moon crimson saurus, his weapons being clenched in clawed hands. With his macuahuitl he points directly to the war boss who was now on foot, and charges. Sandwiched between both battlelines of saurus the Orruks have no choice but to attack even more savagely as bastiladons and Terradons begin to bombard and break their lines. The Warboss cuts down guard and warrior alike, until finally the Moonblood reaches him, macuahuitl and axe comes clashing against great axe and cleaver. Blow for blow is traded, until finally the warboss lands a blow on the right thigh of the Moonblood, a large savage roar let's loose as a righteous fury burns in the reptiles eyes, a crimson glow comes forth. And in an instant the whole of the Seraphon armies scales begin to illuminate, blinding all foes around them, Xiuh'Luna shining the brightest but the only one to glow two colors: One of the Blood Moon and one of the Full Moon. In a blaze of fury the twin weapons cut past the war losses armor and slice through his collar bone and belly, nothing short of an anguished and angry cry let's out. The warboss plunges forward with full ferocity only to be stopped by an obsidian axe splitting his skull. Upon seeing their leader defeated the Orruks either fight or flee, regardless they are run down by Knights and Ripperdactyls until none are alive but one. Xiuh'Luna steps forward, blood covering him and he kneels down to the nearly butchered orruk and speaks a simple sentence: The Blood Moon comes for you and your clan, the slaughter of Vio'tilla is not forgotten. The Moonblood motions for the orruk to run, knowing he will spread the word of a massive battle to come, sending him with the split head if his leader and mount. And so begins The Blood Vengence Campaign (campaign name may change) of the Blood Moon Cult against The Orruks of Ghur (still to decide which clan)
It probably needs to be edited some more. It was pretty hard to read. That aside, i like the introduction. It put in place a pretty nice perspective for the rest of the story. In general, I think this piece could use some more conflict and characterization. Sure the battle was cool and bloody, another plus for sure, but there wasn't any inner-conflict to relate with.
Yeah, writing these on my phone probably isn't the best method As for the conflict and characterization, I agree! This was more an intro and me just writing down what came to mind as a first act of sorts. What kind of conflict or characterization would you like to see? I have ideas but I'm curious as to what you think I'm not great at writing, so always looking for tips, ideas, etc
That's all up to you. All I can say is that some form of a goal, a feeling, or a belief should be the central idea behind a story. And this central idea often makes up the conflict and characterization and other important aspects of a story. So Like a saurus experiencing loss. Or a carnosaur wanting attention. Or a kroxigor desiring to learn something. All three of these ideas involves drastic change to the characters. Two of them has characters that wants it. The latter is usually the norm in which conflict is derived from a character's wishes/personal values vs whatever pressures there may be. Whatever the ending is, it's usually expected the character or the story as a whole emerges changed. Further more, the ending is usually the idea/feeling of the story made manifest for the reader to see. That's all i could say. I've been writing for 4 years, but I don't think i know that much about writing or giving out advice on it either But yeah, what i'm trying to say is that whatever impact on the reader you want to have should be thought of before writing the story.
For sure! All of that is to come, this is more of a prelude to the main story. The conflict in this particular story I think would be the revenge of the slaughtered temple city, which clearly has angered the Seraphon and in particular this Moonblood. But I agree, the characters do and will need some more life to them Regardless, I'm gonna spruce it up today and work my way into the main story...which I'm still working out In my head the end goal is recovering plaques that were stolen that show how to revive their cacooned/dormant Moon Serpent Goddess. That's about as far as I've gotten though lol just started this whole revamp last night I appreciate your thoughts! Much to think on today and eventually tie in a certain Oracle
Updated still needs work but wanted to share for some feedback Prelude: High above the Ghur landscape the mighty fortress Temple City of Xiuhcoatl rests upon its floating isle, both older than the mortal realms themselves, the Island said to be the legendary Dragon Isles from The-World-That-Was. The island made fortress is lined along its perimeter with multiple layers of thick ancient walls and towers that shoot both weaponized Moon and Sun energies. Within these towers are giant lenses with mysterious origins, some say they are the scales of a giant Serpent after it had shed them. The island hosts not just Xiuhcoatl as its capital Temple City but a host of smaller temple cities and villages, all bustling with life. Each settlement is ruled over by Seers or Priests depending on its importance. The island is filled with long forgotten flowers, fields of prairie grass, jungles, swamps and in the center a giant volcano now dormant by natural or magical means which is unknown but to a few. Walking the stone Avenue that runs through the center of the capital a host of saurus, skink and war beasts walk in filed line towards a old portal gate, its ancient inscriptions lined with silver and rare stone. At the front of the cohort stands a larger saurus with scales that mimic the Blood Moon above and his underbelly a midnight blue, his name Xiuh'Luna. Anger can be seen on his face, and for good reason: Weeks prior Orruks raided a new Seraphon Temple City that was meant to be the start of a colonization effort in the realm of beasts, and a second link to the Realm of Life. His anger not only stems from this effort being thwarted but also what was taken; newly found plaques that tell how to awaken the Moon Serpent Goddess Metzlitlaco. After searching what seemed like millennia the cohort had found four of eleven plaques needed, and in an instant they were gone. After hunting their quarry for weeks the Seraphon of the floating isle finally tracked down the war clan responsible for the slaughtering, here at the Canyon of Blood Sorrows there would be nothing but death. Finally reaching the magical gate Xiuh'Luna turns to face a skink, a Seer. Anger in both of their eyes neither speaks for a moment until finally the skink breaks the silence, "Show no mercy, surround them and crush them, they show no respect but to strength itself" the words roll off the tongue, though to other races it would sound more like hissing mixed with clicks and chirps. Motionless, a blink is the only sign to show that the saurus had heard what the skink had said, minutes later finally replying with a simple phrase, "Strength and Courage, this is my code and they will feel our unrelenting strength" Nodding in agreement the seer steps forward into the portal gates circular platform and in an instant of blinding light disappears to the surface below. Taking a deep breath Xiuh'Luna steps to the side and motions for the first wave of Saurus and Skink to go through the portal to the surface on the other side of the canyon where the Orruks were headed. Above the Moonblood Terradons, Ripperdactyls and monstrous flying creatures known as Mikīstli or simply "Death" in lesser tongues fly out from their perches and nests ontop of the towers of the great city. Darkness looms over the landscape of Ghur, howls are heard in the night as a hunt is beckoned, minutes later the squealing of a canyon boar is heard. Fangs rip into the soft underbelly as the pack leader holds the boar by the throat, its squealing silenced by the strong jaws of the Jangayu as its gutted and ripped apart while alive. Above them as if an omen of the night to come a blood moon shines bright, its red aura matching the blood soaked soil. One of the giant feline like creatures looks up as a noise is heard by its large ears, in the distance figures form ontop of a hill. Grunting, roaring and weapon clanging, "WAAAAGHHH" is echoed across the valley below from the now enormous number of bodies, the hill line dotted with Orruks. Another Jangayu looks up as a single body comes over a far hill across from the Orruks, a small reptile decorated with exotic feathers, silver, rare gems while holding a staff. The staff has two Serpents facing each other on it both having crystal like feathered wings and between their snouts a Blood Moon. What begins as a whisper slowly builds into a loud bellowing chant of incomprehensible words and ancient language, in his right hand a plaque. The Orruks erupt into a louder frenzy which sounds like a avalanche in response to the reptile. Unnerved the Jangayu pack drags what bits of the boar they can before fleeing knowing what is to come. The lone skink stops his chanting and instead steps forward one step, this alone sets the Orruks off into a rage, a challenge has been issued. In an instant a tsunami of green and reddish brown ascend down the hill into the small canyon valley below closing the distance quickly. The skink turns his back to the war boss and disappears into the black, and in his stead a battleline of Saurus appear. None make a noise, instead they all look up at the Blood Moon and lift their weapons to it. The green mass now charging up the slope and with that the Seraphon battleline locks shields steps slightly down the slope and then locks into place, bracing for impact. Beastial fury meets the iron will of the saurus line, only to be set back as the saurus push forward, weapons hitting their target on both sides. Again chanting is heard, but louder, even now the saurus join in and as it goes on it is as if the moon itself begins to glow brighter. Blood, guts, limbs, dead war beasts are found on the battlefield as the battle rages on. Giant Maw Crushas battle with Carnosaurs, both apexs struggling to dominate the other. Behind the Orruk line shooting stars are seen falling from the Isle above until they crash down onto the surface, but no stars are these, more Seraphon appear! Before the Orruks can figure out what has happened another battle line of Saurus form, but these more seasoned warriors and amongst them Xiuh'Luna. A savage roar erupts from the midnight blue and blood moon crimson saurus, his weapons being clenched in clawed hands. With his macuahuitl he points directly to the war boss who was now on foot, and charges. Sandwiched between both battlelines of saurus the Orruks have no choice but to attack even more savagely as bastiladons and Terradons begin to bombard and break their lines. The Warboss cuts down guard and warrior alike, until finally the Moonblood reaches him, macuahuitl and axe comes clashing against great axe and cleaver. Blow for blow is traded, until finally the warboss lands a blow on the right thigh of the Moonblood, a large savage roar let's loose as a righteous fury burns in the reptiles eyes, a crimson glow comes forth. In an instant the whole of the Seraphon armies scales begin to illuminate, blinding all foes around them, Xiuh'Luna shining the brightest but the only one to glow two colors: One of the Blood Moon and one of the Full Moon. In a blaze of fury the twin weapons cut past the war losses armor and slice through his collar bone and belly, nothing short of an anguished and angry cry let's out. The warboss plunges forward to land another strike with full ferocity only to be stopped by an obsidian axe splitting his skull. Upon seeing their leader defeated the Orruks either fight or flee, regardless they are run down by Knights and Ripperdactyls until none are alive but one. Xiuh'Luna steps forward, blood covering him and kneels down to the severely wounded orruk and speaks a simple sentence, "The Blood Moon comes for you and your clan, the slaughter of Vio'tilla is not forgotten". After the lone orruk is handed the war bosses split head Xiuh'Luna motions for the orruk to run, knowing he will spread the word of a massive battle to come... And so begins the campaign of vengeance for the Seraphon Blood Moon Cult
Do you know how the story will end? Knowing how it'll end is pretty important. At least from my experience. It's exponentially harder to plot and plan a story when you don't know how it'll end.