I remembered this after @Imrahil mentioned if I'd given credit to my wife for a book series she recommended, but I'd snubbed out of some weird prejudice.... These are fantastic. --- Men's Rules: 1) Men are not mind readers. 2) Learn to work the toilet seat, you're a big girl. If its up, put it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down. 3) Crying is blackmail. 4) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 5) "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 6) Come to us with problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 7) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 8) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 9) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 10) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 11) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to during commercials. 12) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we 13) All men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 14) If ask what is wrong and you say Nothing, we act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 15) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear... 16) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really. 17) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports. 18) You have enough clothes. 19) You have too many shoes. 20) I am in shape, round is a shape! 21) Thank you for reading this, yes I know, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight but did you know men don't really mind that? Its like camping @Tk'ya'pyk @Scalenex @NIGHTBRINGER @Imrahil @Killer Angel @Lord Agragax of Lunaxoatl @Lord-Marcus
This was posted around my college campus in 2001, so I've seen this before. 1) Men are not mind readers. I have studied evolutionary psychology a lot since 2001, so I can sometimes read minds now, but I will usually assume the worst possible personal motives. 2) Learn to work the toilet seat, you're a big girl. If its up, put it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down. Since watching an episode of Bones, I now always lower the toliet seat (and the toilet lid) because I don't want the toilet to kick up fecal or urine laced mist on my toothbrush. Also, passive aggressively it makes women lift a seat to pee as well, but mostly it's the sanctity of my toothbrush. 4) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! The theory according to evolutionary psychology is that women want their boyfriends to be assertive and make the decisions but still give the women the freedom to complain about said decisions. That said, I'm personally not going to guess what women want and will act as if the things women say are what they want. 9) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. This is a losing battle, but it can be weaponized. For mean, being vague and opaque is a way to appear strong and attractive. 10) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. This is not a women problem, this a human problem. I get equally furious when men act like this. I have this problem myself, especially with sandwiches. I basically have to make my own sandwiches or I will be disappointed. Unless they paint minis. Though I still have to ask L-O forumites what the mahrlect color they are referring to is, or just put in an image search online. 17) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports. In my case I am thinking about the fictional world of Scarterra, the real world CCP, or my writer's block for the current short story contest. 18) You have enough clothes. 19) You have too many shoes. According to evolutionary psychology, this is a holdover from our hunter gatherer days when women were programmed to horde and ration vital supplies. The reason I like evolutionary psychology is that 90% if women (or men!) do something that seems to make no sense, if you ask "Would this behavior make sense if we were nomadic hunter gatherers?" the answer is usually "yes." Why do men/boys have apprehension approaching the opposite sex. Well in our hunter gather days there were probably at most ten available females to mate with. Because of the tribal situation, these ten females certainly know each other and talk to each other. Effectively, a rejection by one woman is a rejection by ALL women. At least in a tribal situation. In the modern day where men have thousands, maybe millions of potential mates there is no real harm in a man being shot down but we have apprehension because our brains are hardwired for tribal living. 21) Thank you for reading this, yes I know, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight but did you know men don't really mind that? Its like camping This one always confuses me. Unless it's Thanksgiving or Christmas, I've never been in a house without a second bed. Why not sleep in the guest bedroom? I like beds.