Chariots? Chariots.... THAT would WORK! ... well, it would work if my workplace's insurance liability issues wouldn't cause me to get FIRED if I tried it. They're a lot more picky these days than they used to be...
Clearly motivated him to make the Olympic team! Everyone should name their kids something humiliating.
I had a brilliant idea: pretty soon I could be a camp counselor in one of those outdoor camps. We would often have to sing marching songs, and as a true Roman I might have some fun: Legio Aeternum! Aeternum Victrix! Keep it up in the back there little barbarian!