Contest July-August Short Story Contest Reading Thread

I remember both that story you mentioned (I liked it as well) and yours fondly.
However... a rat controlling a Kroxigor doesn't really qualify as cooperation for me, as cool as it was.

As for your story: it comes close, but you had a very special cast of unusual individuals on both sides, who behaved not a lot like most of their respective races seem to do. Breaking the stereotypes is your thing (from my point of view at least, and I like it a lot).

I guess what @Scalenex meant (and what I definitely meant) was how it would be hard to make the Lizardmen/Seraphon and Skaven cooperate while retaining their stereotypical behaviour.

 

I read through everything once, and half of them twice, but haven't voted yet.

I will try to write at least a short paragraph about each but don't want to promise it.

 

Me too.
Vacations will hamper my activity; hopefully i will be able to do some short review.

 

so, here we are...
forced by real life, this round i will be short in my reviews, sorry guys.

may contain spoilers, so you are warned.

Part 1 of 2


1) A question of profit
Oh, Kharadron! very nice, the presence of an unusual race gives a twist to the usual diary format. Excellent references to the various rules and articles of the Code. I kinda liked the fact that the motivations of Seraphon and DoK remain a mystery, as the Captain has no idea about them. BTW, a truly low-quality commander.
Pros:
The essence of the KO has been captured perfectly. For example, a classic dwarf would have moaned the death of another dwarf, instead of the loss of a vessel.
Cons:
some things left me perplexed... for example, why the Seraphon wasted so many lives (?) attacking the KO? Granted, they were attacked firstly, but if the goal was to face later DoK, the whole approach wasn't the best one.


2) Sprouting flower
Lots of unusual things here, starting from a gardener Kroxigor. He's the very unusual character here. However, i like the idea of a saurus warriors facing uselessness, that finds a new purpose in curing plants, and certainly the two form a very odd couple.
Pros:
A short and simple story, that goes straight to the point. The best part imo is how the saurus pictures the acts of gardening, finding references to fighting.
Cons:
A story like this should find a little more time to create the right mood, and the core of the story is resolved in very few sentences.


3) Giddyup
A Thunder Lizard?!? wow, if i recall correctly this is the first time we have one. In this case "unusual allegiance" means probably "rare", as it's intended that the rider of the beast is not used to give help. And a TL is rare by definition. It's not the best piece of this comp, but I'm a sucker for stories involving the bond of deep friendship between beasts and handlers.
Pros:
Nice descriptions, that let you sense the immense strenght of a TL, totally on a different scale. Plus, some powerful, touching moment, as when Zata falls to her doom.
Cons:
Strictly personal: the "contact" thing was a small cringe moment. It would have been easy to depict the scene in a way it was clear what the priest was doing, without such a obvious reference to "our" world.


4) The enemy inside
Well, now this is daring and unusual, indeed. Basically a daemonic possession, with the daemon which is forced to reside in the body of it's despised enemy, and only the blood and the combat prowess of the saurus wins a sort of respect from the daemon, to the point it fuels the ScarVet with unnatural strenght and even reveals its true name to it.
Pros:
Really hard to picture a possible allegiance between a daemon and a Saurus, but this manages to do it in a convincing way. Nice how it makes you feel the total different approaches to war by the protagonists and their races. Cold calculation vs sheer fury.
Cons:
It takes a while to get on point, and spend probably too little time in developing the interactions between Daemon and Saurus, which is the core of the story.

 

part 2 of 2


5) Only in death
Oh my, if daemons v Saurus was unusual, here we have undead sauri, raised by a skink necromancer, nonetheless! A brillian idea, from this pov probably my favorite of the whole comp. It's nice how we appreciate the differences between the two protagonists, with the Saurus that is really forced to swallow its will to fight the traitor, while the last one is mildly amused by the situation. And the ending, despite being predictable, is still very good.
Pros:
A really intriguing idea... how far would you go to "protect" the Great Plan? It would be really cool to read a prequel about Zikatl and his descent into the dark path.
Cons:
With such a theme, the story is even too short. There was enough material to develope it more, but this is one of the cases when I'm not sure if the final result would have been better.


6) Common ground
Indiana saurus into the desert! nice opening and nice development: the saurian expeditionary force meets orruks in the underground, fight ensues, Tomb Kings awaken and a forced allegiance is formed to escape. The story is pretty linear and goes smoothly, with no surprises, however it has a really good characterization, with the growing respect between the allies and a "friendly" separation.
Pros:
It's a piece focused on AoS - Underworld warbands, which is a brilliant idea, plus it develops in a solid way the "unusual allegiance" part.
Cons:
It's a long story and i think it wastes too much time in the first part (including the first confrontation between seraphon and orruks), which is the introduction to its focus.


7) A skaven, a dark elf...
With such a title, i was expecting a funny piece, instead we have almost a serious one, with a good sense of humor in it. Is the allegiance unusual? yes. It's also brittle and very temporary... if this is not one of those old "unreliable allegiances", i really don't know. In the end, brute force, cruelty, skills and smartness overcome each other, and the final result is dead enemies and puzzled skinks. The children of the Old Ones are really a superior race!
Pros:
original idea, and a really good characterization between the trio. the different approaches and the mental schemes of the skaven, DE and CD are distinct, vibrant and truly on spot, giving life to the whole piece.
Cons:
I have the impression that this piece shifts between a serious tone and a light-hearted one. I'm not sure if this is a strength or a weak point, but usually i prefer one way or another.


8) Saved by a sacrifice
Tricky, tricky shamans / priests. No one can really trust you, isn't it? well, this is an interesting story, with a pair of orruks going to seraphon for help. There's a price to pay, and no doubt it will be paid in blood, as it always happens in religious rituals in warhammer. Maybe the blood will be more than what anticipated, but those are details, all that matters is that Chaos, once again, has been repelled.
Pros:
What a cool idea! and also some pretty unique detail, as the sacrificial dagger that is just moved by magic, and the final realization of the "bodyguard" that he was the intended victim.
Cons:
Certain interactions or details seem a little forced or out of place, as the "human military" approach used by the Saurus guard, or why a High Priest should care to not draw too much attention in a lizardmen / seraphon city.

 

Ok as promised here are some thoughts I have about the stories:

1. A question of profit
I admit that I am not a huge fan of the diary style, but here it fits because of the Kharadrons. I can almost hear them talk, the author hit all the tone pretty much perfectly. That drew me into the story.
I thought it was a bit weird that the Kharadron seemingly knew neither Seraphon nor Daughters of Khaine, but it was not hard to follow the story and it had a good length.
It fits the theme nicely, as the Great Plan and profit are not necessarily compatible.

2. Sprouting Flower
I like it a lot. It is both melancholic and light-hearted. I am also impressed by how much story is told with such few words.
The grammar threw me off now and then, but the message thag the end conveys makes up for it. Everything is part of the Great Plan and even a disabled Saurus fits in. Paradoxically he learns it from a Kroxigor gardener, who fits the "Gentle Giant" trope nicely.
The "unusual allegiance" part is less clear here. I see it in the warrior -> gardener transition of the Saurus, and in that the Kroxigor is the one "in command".

3. Giddyup
This one has a Thunder Lizard!
The theme is missing a bit for me. Perhaps I know too little about Thunder Lizards, but what I saw was Lizardmen helping Lizardmen.
It isn't badly written but it drags on a bit. And using a thunderbolt spell as a defibrillator was a bit goofy, for me it contrasted a bit too much with the rest of the story in tone.

4. The Enemy inside
This one ends where other stories start, which I like.
It fits the theme well, and I absolutely like how well the author drives home the point that brutal killing by Saurus Warriors and brutal killing in the name of Khorne is actually pretty similar in many ways. Khorne does not care.
The story has a good length IMO, but I would have liked a bit more dialogue between the two souls. Still a very good one.

5. Only in Death
This is as Warhammer-ish as they come, especially the end. I like how it evokes pictures in my mind, the words are well chosen. Undead and Lizardmen is a nice combo and fit the theme perfectly, I just found it a bit hard to believe that the Slann would tolerate a Skink Necromancer.
But yeah, maybe they have foreseen this and it fits the plan.

6. Common Ground
This undoubtedly fits the theme. Bonesplitterz and Seraphon probably only ally in the worst of moments, such as here where a Saurus doesn't want to lead but suddenly is in command. A situation like this helps with it, both parties being weakened. It is an interesting question whether the Skink would have done the same.
It is a tad too long (very near the limit) though. Not much else to say, the story is pretty straightforward.

7. A Skaven, a Dark Elf and a Chaos Dwarf...
This one turned out differently than I expected. Several points of view and a lot less funny than I thought it would be. Nice characterization of the protagonists, and it fits the theme nicely, with not only two but three parties in the (very temporary) group. Of course it ends in the most grimdark way possible and the Lizardmen win in the end, as it should.

8. Saved by a Sacrifice
Orruks again!
It fits the theme, and I like how in this story the common danger isn't as immediate as in the others. The Lizardmen just take the opportunity to fight chaos, pragmatic as they are. Nice descriptions of the scenes, quite cinematic and dark. Only the Saurus felt a bit weird to me, probably because they act too human.
And I wondered why the Lizardmen seem to want to keep that ritual secret.


Most other things I would say are covered pretty well by @Killer Angel's posts.

Nice stories everyone!

I have not decided yet which stories I'll vote for though.

 

Up til now, a very close competition.

 

Scalenex posts his reviews in a relatively timely manner this time

A Question of Profit: Yerch, I don't like all the new Age of Sigmar words like Elgi and Duardin, but it's not the writer's fault, he or she was just using GW parlance. Still.

Very exciting action scenes. The unsual words were deployed well so even if I didn't know what "unguz-throlt" means off the top of my head, I knew enough from the surrounding context. That's hard to pull off and the writer pulled off this trick many times. The dwarf-Seraphon teamup (sorry, Duardin-Seraphon team up ) was a little predictable but it was well-executed.

I like Ferengi and Ferengi like characters but for all the talk of profit, it was not clear how his expedition was expected to yield profit? What resource was he going after? Who was paying him?


Sprouting Flower: This was elegant in it's simplicity. A relatively low word count but very good characterization. Among the best character driven stories in this contest if not the best character driven story. I like the softer unorthodox take of "unusual allegiances."

I think with a story centered around a Saurus and a Kroxigor, I think this piece would have been even stronger with some more sensory description. Soil has odors and textures and even makes a sound when you dig it. Plants have olfactory and tactile elements to them too.


Giddyup: At first I thought this might be a Westhammer piece but I guess it was a regular Lizardmen piece albeit a very unpredictable one. The great writer Kurt Vonnegut said that short stories should be predictable but I think this is a guideline, not a rule. I liked the constant subversions of my expectations. Because it was done in a clever artful way. Unlike say modern Hollywood's idea of "subverted expectations." Good characterization, excellent action, unpredictable events. Very entertaining.

Compared to the official canon version of the thunderlizard, this dinosaur was much much weaker than it "should" have been but I never liked the canon description of thunderlizards. This setup was better in my opinion.

The tie to the contest theme was a little tenuous not that that is ever a huge issue with me. More importantly I would have liked a bit more exposition. I don't know why the dwarves were there in such force or what they wanted. I don't know what offensive thing the dwarves were doing that warranted such an aggressive response from the Lizardmen.

The Enemy Inside: The author took a very complicated premise to create a very unorthodox take on the contest theme and described it succinctly. That alone is a great accomplishment. On top of all that, there is excellent characterization and evocative action scenes.

I cannot really think of anything to say this writer did incorrectly. Like with most Saurus oriented pieces, I would have liked more sensory imagery. What did things smell and feel like (though they did mention smelling fear at one point). Could the Saurus still trust his instincts or were instincts shot by having a daemon driving his id? Never pass up an opportunity to describe body horror. When the Saurus' body was surging with power, was it painful or exhilarating or both?


Only in Death: Good characterization, intense action, evocative energy and a Skink necromancer. What's not to like? Interesting take on the theme and well executed. I often say that Saurus centered stories need to cover more visceral and this piece delivered talking about the eerie silence of the lack of the usual insects and the creepy clicking of the skeletons.

The ending was a little bit predicatable but that's okay. Maybe some descriptions of feels and smells would have enhanced the piece. I'm also kind of miffed that you are fighting Clan Pestilens with a mixed living/undead force. Why don't you make the undead the vanguard since they cannot get sick. It's called social distancing, what is a better mask than a unit of skeletons? Why didn't the necromancer try to raise any skaven? Perhaps the Skink wanted to maximize Lizardmen casualties in which case that should have been clearer.


Common Ground: We had so many unorthodox takes on the contest theme that it was nice to find an orthodox take. Lizardmen and orcs reluctantly join forces to oppose Tomb Kings. Theoretically the scroll head skink had an unusual allegiance with the action driven Saurus as a B-plot but I'm not sure if that is intentional on the writer's part or if I am reading too much into this. Good action, good sensory descriptions and good characterizations.

No major problems stand out but I would have minded more descriptions of smell and touch. You are in a deserted old tomb after all. The exposition was a little bit long compared to the rest of the piece for my personal tastes too.


A Skaven, a Dark Elf and a Chaos Dwarf Walk Into the Jungle...: I do not recall Chaos dwarves every featuring in a short story contest before. 27 contests and we still are hitting new firsts!

I liked the Chaos Dwarf character, so much I would have happily read a story about him alone, but that would not fit the contest theme too well. The skaven and the dark elf were also well described and interesting in their own right. Again, they were well-written enough that in another contest these characters could carry a story by themselves. Predictable though it was, there short-lived poorly conceived temporarily alliance was very entertaining to read about.

My misgiving was minor. All three of the point of view characters were working on a long-term plan of some sort before the Lizardmen interrupted their schemes. Then this flew out the window. Even if the skaven kills both the dwarf and the elf, how is going to survive the jungle by himself? As much as fun as it would to break a Chaos dwarf, what is one is one dark elf going to do with a prisoner alone in the jungle. Same thing for the Chaos dwarf, by himself, even if he won, he was still lost in the jungle. They should have made it longer then five minutes before the knives started coming out.


Saved by a Sacrifice: This is a very interesting take on the theme assuming I followed what was going on. Two orcs willingly sacrificed themselves to Sotek to save their tribe by invoking Sotek's wrath against Chaos Daemons to help beleaguered greenskins. A clever idea.

My main misgiving is that I was not and am not 100% what is going on in the story, even after multiple reads. The piece has interesting characters and evocative imagery but it lacks clarity.

 

This was unexpected and epic, in the best NIGHTBRINGERish (is that even a word?) way possible

 

In the meantime, it seems we have a trio of stories running for the title, with one piece leading!

 

Voted.