Why you should NEVER work for Cranes-Blerpshop

It's hard trying to type a post like this without coming across as a soapbox/beer salesman, who dabbles in the extra bitter, but....here goes.

I'm going to talk about a particular company here, by the title alone, I'm sure some of you have already figured out which one this is, but for arguments sake, lets call them "Cranes-Blerpshop" and let me be absolutely clear in saying that if that name looks as though it might sound similar to a particularly large and well known company, that is entirely co-incidental.

So my original encounter sculpting-wise with Cranes-Blerpshop, was back in 2009, an encounter that cost me £400 in travel expenses (that I'd be told they'd help contribute towards), the design manager at the time was notoriously known for being a bully (and for argument's sake, we'll call him "Super Ted"), but it's not all bad, if it wasn't for Super Ted's atrocious behaviour we wouldn't have had other companies like Avatars of War, or Black Scorpion miniatures. People who left thanks to him to start up their own companies, however I digress...

Interview didn't go well, I didn't get the job and found out about 5 minutes after, that they'd "never agreed" to helping me financially with the travel expenses.

So a little annoyed, I went home, brought a miniature to copy (yup, back then you had to buy a miniature to copy, they wouldn't send or give you one), I re-submitted and got told no by Super Ted. One, on-running issue with Cranes-Blerpshop is all the Design Managers have absolutely ZERO experience in sculpting, none of them are sculptors, nor can they sculpt, you know, in the reassuring way that you'd feel if you found out the head of a crash surgical team was actually old Mrs Blomensberg that owns the Holistic medicine shop down the road...

I stopped there at that point, fed up and a little disenchanted with the supposed majesty that people associated with Cranes-Blerpshop, so didn't bother. Round about 2010 - 2011, the time of Dark Eldar re-release and introduction of Finecast (again, COMPLETELY unrelated events....), I found out that Super Ted had been given the Super boot and was now replaced with their current Design Manager, who we shall refer to as TooSoone.

This then saw me having another stab at the supposed Nirvana pie-in-the-sky, with a green that mysteriously "got lost in the post" when they sent it back, once again, despite this happening to numerous other sculptors who applied over those same years, I am sure this is COMPLETELY unrelated.

TooSoone mentioned (I still have the emails) about keeping up a "progress of works", I didn't like the sound of this, as it sounded a lot like churning out sculpt after sculpt to send to Cranes-Blerpshop, only for them to become trapped in postal limbo.

More than a little peeved to find out that this supposed Pie was made with a cheap shortcrust and not proper puff pasty as advertised, I decided enough was enough and called for the bill, didn't tip, but I did leave a bad review on Yelp.

*Spongbob voice* Eight years later....

A friend of mine who is a huge fan, yet outspoken critic of Cranes-Blerpshop went to the 2019 event that we shall call "watered-downfest", at watered-downfest he got chatting to one of the newbie sculptors at Cranes-Blerpshop, who was very keen to talk about how they were making miniatures great again.

He quickly called on that Invoice and pointed out some serious accounting errors and showed them some of my more recent work, this Cranes-Blerpshop newbie then said I should reapply because I'd definitely get in and Cranes-Blerpshop would be advertising next month.

If it had been anyone other than that friend of mine, who had recommended I try for a job with Cranes-Blerpshop again, I would have laughed.

But I didn't and I applied and I went to interview with TooSoone (who didn't recognize or remember me), I then received what was easily the most laughable contract/terms and conditions I have EVER had the pleasure of reading.

If you want to work for Cranes-Blerpshop's Design team, THIS is what you have to do....

- 4 sculpts, the first being a copy of one of their minis (you get a choice of 3).
- 3 "New" sculpts as it were, all rights of which will be owned by Cranes-Blerpshop.
This means you could produce 3 amazing minis, that they decide they're going to cast and sell and you'd have no rights....they wouldn't even have to credit you.

It appears that in the span of 7-8 years that horrendous, cheap shortcrust pastry has now been subsidized with Builder's Caulk.

Is this giving you acid-reflux yet? No? Keep reading, it gets better

Cranes-Blerpshop's Disclaimers:
- The position is not a job, nor does it end with a job, or even an interview.
- Cranes-Blerpshop currently have NO positions within their design studio.
- You will be paid £1 for 4 miniatures, but the "benefits" outweigh any pesky financial benefits, so please sign the contract to confirm you've received this £1 even though you haven't.
- BUT, feedback....juicy "Invaluable" feedback, because everyone knows how you can pay bills with feedback.
- It is ONLY for consideration IF they have a job in a year's time.
- There is no Guarantee regardless of how well things go, that you will get a job.
- They reserve the right to extend this purgatorial arse-kicking for any reason, as there is no official end date.

So there you have it, after reading this hilariously awful contract I sent Cranes-Blerpshop and TooSoone and email highlight just how insane this horrendous abuse of free labour was (Or to quote Rick and Morty "Slavery with extra steps")

What's been very telling though is that from asking around on other forums, very few professional sculptors will entertain the idea of working at Cranes-Blerpshop, they now get so few "decent" applicants that they're really struggling.

Guess what happened next?

They re-posted this insane non-job scheme back on their website! I was the ONLY person on it!

So to finish up, what does this mean?
Well for starters, every time Cranes-Blerpshop shouts about how much better they are, they've actually become worse.

Secondly, sooner or later something will have to give, because they're struggling to find people and they can't get people to stay, you don't have to be Srinivasa Ramanujan to work out that equation.

Thirdly, don't work for Cranes-Blerpshop, their treatment of potential employees is even more archaic than in the infamous days of Super Ted.

 

Beyond disgusting will source models elsewhere always now.

 

I don't understand it, I honestly don't.....

They moan (Mr TooSoone in particular) about how hard it is trying to find people and that he wants staff:

"To stay there forever"

Protip: If you can't find and struggle to keep people, then YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

I've sent them two, rather terse emails pointing these out and said I was aware that in doing so, I was fully prepared for a permanent Black mark and "Do not hire, under any circumstances" to be put against my name, but I was perfectly fine with that.

Disclaimer on names
I should also have added at the start that all of the name changes have not been done as part of immaturity, but for anonymities sake, can't risk accusations of slander or defamation of character(s) if I use their actual names.

 

As a consumer I've been put off them several times, one time a guy wouldn't let 5p go on a paint pod where the previous store manager gave me free models when he left. Haven't been in the store since tbh keep looking in the window and the current painter at that store isn't doing the models justice tbh. Think they struggle with employees across the board.

 

And THIS is where and why things HAVE to change, because if they don't, they lose, customers, staff, money, stores, profit.

Incidentally, I've attached one of the contracts (but will remove it if I'm pushing things), I've edited it with my microsoft paint-foo to once again hide names, branding and addresses to provide said anonymity.

 

To be fair, the made up names were bloody hilarious xD

 

Thank you!

Cranes-Blerpshop approves....and now owns the Intellectual Property of your post.

 

Don't forget any and all posts not limited to lustria-online after this post are now owned by cranes-blerpshop and there's no gaurntee of a blogger job at the end of it. Have a nice day

 

Also I truly believe Cranes-blerpshop are the creators of their own demise it's been slow and drawn out so far but I don't know how long they have left.

 

I sneezed during one of the interviews with Cranes-blerpshop, apparently they now own my left foot, still not entirely sure how that one works.

In all seriousness and before this all gets way out of hand, I will keep people updated.
As I've said I sent them two rather blunt emails, the first prompted them wanting to talk over the phone to show there were no hard feelings, but they made it so difficult in arranging that after not hearing back from them by Thursday night, I went in to work on Friday morning (wasn't going to lose more cash by missing work for a phone call).

They tried calling, but the area I was in was shielded so no reception (just as well, I probably would have lost my temper).

I got home to find an email that coincided with the phone call (time wise) that said "We're free to talk now"

Wow....wow, wow, wow!

It appears this utter lack of respect for other peoples time, livelihood and effort knows no limits.

I have never had such a low opinion of Cranes-blerpshop in the 25 years I've been part of the hobby, their wanton disrespect and overly vile attitude is so ingrained that I doubt anyone has crayons big enough to explain WHY this sort of behaviour is unacceptable anywhere.

 

The best thing to remember is that people want your sculpts without the Cranes-blerpshop tag on them

 

Then we're all in agreement, I'll get my arse moving and speak with @Xlanax_lot

 

Build your own company or at least get together to do a kickstarter or something

 

This is how Oathsworn and Hasslefree began.

 

I believe Heresy Miniatures too.

Still, it's important to remember that sometimes bad things have good reactions, I pulled myself out to the several weeks long rage yesterday and nearly finished an armature for a beasty I've been struggling to finish for years.

Not saying it's my final version of Nakai....but it's Nakai and I've never see or sculpted a version of him, or indeed any Kroxigor, quite like this one.

 

Rikard I have seen your work, they would be lucky to have you, You would have no problems finding employment anywhere you chose/started up on your own I am sure. I am personally shocked at your experience with their recruitment policy.

forgive my ignorance but as someone not familiar with the industry I am surprised that a big player like GW still uses sculpted miniatures as their base template. I thought miniature design would be moving towards digital/CAD?

In any event I have no qualms about sourcing models else where (lost kingdom kick-starter for example) or using proxies, especially after your thread.

 

It is. It has. But, there is still some value in sculpting the old way.

Zbrush has its limitations... ...Greenstuff still has some advantages.

Many (but not all!) of the sculptors employed by Reaper are using Zbrush.

 

The Digital age is upon us, Z-brush is quicker and easier when you know what you're doing (says someone who doesn't know what they're doing).

Had an email from Cranes-Blerpshop, surprisingly they've stayed civil and polite, though the language style is rather generic (a bit like the typical response you get to any formal compliant). Yet they still want to talk "about the futureTM".

Sent a suitable reply and told them as long as any program that requires free work exists then I want nothing to do with it.

 

Cranes-Blerpshop update fresh from the first circle of hell.

So my second email, I honestly thought, bridge burned, no replies after that, I was wrong.
Received a "Sorry you had bad experiences" email from TooSoone along with a comment on the importance of Cranes-Blerpshop transparency and simultaneously completely missing the point I made in the email before about Transparency being the only improvement, but because they had no other choice.

Off to a flying start there...

He then asked if he could still call to "talk about the future", or would I like to "leave it for the time being" <- this last point.....was a mistake....

Really lost my proverbial rag with this godlike level of ignorance.
Went full blown Ruination Of Cities on this one and asked what reason a £billion company had in asking for free work for a job they didn't even have!
Told them as long as they used this system, I wanted nothing to do them, even if that meant never sculpting for them, because I'd sooner not sculpt for Cranes-Blerpshop, but enjoy sculpting, rather than not sculpt for Cranes-Blerpshop and having nothing but bad experiences associated with it.

I then tipped some salt in that wound.


I said their scheme was like having a pitched battle where your opponent reserves the right to make you re-roll any of your dice, as many times as they see fit and asked them how they thought people might react to that.

Unsurprisingly, I haven't had a reply since then, which is actually the best result, because if I had been given a job offer, then that means a job was always there and always an option, but they didn't make it because free sculpts.

As far as I'm concerned, this chapter is closed as is the book, I've previously stated that I wouldn't work for Cranes-Blerpshop, but this is the second time I've heard them say how much better they are, only to find out they're actually worse, there won't be a third time, because I do not now, nor will I be able to trust anything they say again.

The ONLY reason I even gave this a shot was because of one particular friend (and Cranes-Blerpshop critic) who did some digging and for once actually praised them for their treatment of staff. Lying however seems to be endemic at Cranes-Blerpshop and even if it weren't for this terrible behaviour, who'd want to work such a place?

 

Good grief, so much for the New Bames Nerpslarp (TM). That sounds like a fucking dreadful experience, makes me wonder where some of their quite good recent sculpts have been coming from? Slave labour?

And this is a company that's supposedly doing as well as it has ever been doing in financial terms, what a joke.