The Forgotten Slann Lord Luluni, the Lifebringer, was an all but forgotten Slann, a bulbous creature left to its own devices long ago. The Old Ones had forsaken it. Abandoned and alone Luluni was to discover the unique powers it possessed on the hidden dwarf planet Tutimnek. Tutimnek began a cold world, a barren rock filled land home to little more than desolate days and darker nights. Luluni wandered the wastelands wishing life upon the surroundings. Its enormous fingertips ran the course of the magma flows ushering in an age of water; a great flood swept the surface of the planet, engulfing hills and mountains in its wake. The tides of change lapped at the shorelines greedily but there was to be no more of that. Luluni knew there needed to be a balance. Through sheer will alone Luluni began to seed the planet with life - Trees, Fish, Flowers. The mountains began to spew ash once more covering the land in a rich fertile blanket, the furnace fumes of the volcanic virgins gave way to new minerals and ores. Though cataclysmic in approach the destruction of one thing lead to the birth of many more. A cacophony of chaotic centuries continued as life sprung into its own Luluni had terraformed Tutimnek. Though there was something missing...from the shadowy sub-conscious of its mind sprung forth a scaly Skink, and then another. The first of them, fire red and full of vigor, began carving a giant palanquin from the stone beneath their feet. The second ocean blue equally as active began casting ancient incantations giving flight to the great slab. At its centre lay a bubbling basin into which the Skinks soon slithered never to be seen again. Next came forth Soto, the Scribbler & Siti, the Sightseer. The pairing were scribes and began documenting Luluni’s past as if though they had too lived it. Finally spilled forth from the cauldron thousands of tiny lizards they scattered into the woodland to begin their legacy. Clambering upon the palanquin Luluni levitated high above its creation - up into the heavens high above the clouds stopping to survey all below. Now Luluni was a Lord over this dominion. Sinking down into the safety of the sproutling forest Luluni lay in slumber, a meditative sleep. The Skink companions too slept in a stasis of immobility, a preserving persistent spell of perpetual paralytic protection coated them. Aeons passed...civilizations rose and fell, crumbling back to the dust from which they came and yet Luluni sat still and silent. Its mind was troubled by an encroaching darkness, a prophecy of great evil; from the deep recesses of the void they would flow into our world and with bone and bile break all before them. Luluni cast its mind thousands of years into the future catapulting its consciousness onto a frozen plain. The sky was dominated by an enormous vessel a living embodiment of progress that had traveled vast distances. Luluni had the advantage of time, this had not happened yet nor would it be allowed to happen. The glaciers beneath cracked mile long breakages separating from one another revealing treacherous crevasses. Almost as instantaneously the ship was forced into the ice then set in the blizzard - snow and sleet assaulted the exterior burying it in icy clutches. Lord Luluni had reached far into the future and carved into it an event, an ending. It had little time to rejoice in its actions the mind moved further still forward to a time when more would traverse the void seeking to obliterate the inhabitants of the Milky Way. Luluni snapped back to the present, more work had to be done, the visions had altered understanding and offered new insight into the Great Plan. The Slann lord had ensured in halting the advance of an unspeakable terror. The others had to be warned. The Slann’s kin were not even aware of the wizard existed such was will of The Old Ones. Luluni bore a giant palanquin upon the forests of Lustria, a bloated Slann now glided through the air. The branches of ancient trees creaked snapped and bent in his presence. The hulking mass cared little for their fate, their existence a mere blink compared to the eras Luluni has endured. Manipulating the surroundings as easily as warping the minds of Skinks, they were subjected to his will, forced to obey. Their loyalties were much needed in these times. Lord Luluni was a first generation Slann ...the last Slann of that age. Several hours of sluggish travel culminated in the finding of a pond. The hoary toad began dangling its toes in the water, and before long rose from the palanquin and plummeted into the depths. No sooner had the large body entered had half the water decided to leave. Being thrice the size of your average Slann had its disadvantages and this was one of them. Luluni regressed in the water splishing and splashing and striking at songbirds with the enormous tongue that pulled them back towards its mouth. Whilst gorging on the wildlife and reveling in the impurity of the water Luluni remembered its purpose for visiting. Siti and Soto sprung into life from their dwellings on the slab, the Lustrian sunlight felt all but natural in their cold blooded bodies. The momentous moved further through the thicket. Heading south towards Hexoatl chancing upon a skirmish between Lizardmen and Dark Elves. Luluni seized the opportunity to preach to both sides, telepathically communing with the forces, they thought the Slann mad and continued to slay one another in close quarter combat. Seeing the larger picture as always, enslaving them all was the best option. They marched towards the city cleaving down brush and bush alike. Much blood was spilled within the realm of lizardfolk. Luluni demanded an audience with Lord Mazdamundi, but no such audience came. Forging ever deeper into the heart of the city the invading band of brethren and foe fought all those in their path. Slaying the weak and clashing with the strong. The temple guard protecting Lord Mazdamundi fought long and hard to prevent the ramble from disturbing its meditation. They eventually faltered and failed. One lord faced another in an eerie silence exchanging thoughts on a higher plain. The two “talked” at grave length. Luluni pleaded with Mazdamundi, urged the Slann to lead another path, joining him on a quest to unite all races among the stars. Mazdamundi was stubborn and refused, refuting Luluni’s opinions even calling into question its relation to the old ones. They would not and could not agree, the fate of their race would depend on who was right. Luluni strongly felt The Old ones had created many and varied races to stave off and fight a foe far greater in number and power than themselves. They had the foresight to raise an army millennia before it was needed and the Lizardmen were one small part of an integral network, a web of deffense stretched across a galaxy. Luluni served both a curse and a warning on the Lizardmen before taking to the stars once more: On black waves a vessel will fly, The course it’s set to sail, The Old World will die, At the coming of the second tail A Foreword By Adam Wilson Aka SlanntaClause: I can’t thank you all enough for giving my story the time of day, honestly from the bottom of my heart thank you and an extra thank you to those who voted for it. When I had finished my story I said to my fiancée “I’d be happy if even one person votes for mine” and look what happened - flabbergasted at the community response. Addressing The Issue Of Gender: Being extremely new to Lizardmen I read up that they don’t have specific genders so I thought to myself it would be interesting to write the story without referring to the characters as he/she/him/her etc. This was an extremely stupid move on my part it made writing infinitely more difficult. My future stories will definitely not go down this route. For the purposes of evaluation we will now refer to him as a he. @Scalenex picked up on this: "While we have a good general sense of the Slann’s slipping into madness (or at least solitude) as his/its ambitions pull him/it away from the others.” Creating The Character: Initially I thought of doing a sub plot on “Lord Ulha'up: A Slann who went missing to explore the world. He believed the world was corrupted by Chaos and is therefore trying to heal the world once again.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lizardmen_(Warhammer)) in fact I would say that this character is the direct inspiration for Lord Luluni - I wanted the Slann to want to help and heal. Being new to the forum I wanted to risk making a new Slann just to test the water of how orthodox you all might be to the lore of the Lizardmen - I expected a barrage of “You can’t make a new Slann especially a first generation - you know nothing of Lizardmen” - though I pursued the idea because I judged the community rightly so to be full of wonderful people open to ideas and opinions of others. I wanted to make the Slann powerful (Q: more so than mazdamundi? A: Yes) Why? Because Mazdamundi lured me to this forum, I was searching for the model and there being none (no official one at least) was drawn to the web links to forum discussions on it. On further research though cited as the most powerful living mage (Or at least Slann) I as others seemed underwhelmed by his in-game rules/abilities. I know that the Slann were given diminishing power depending on their generation i.e. 1st will always be more powerful than 2nd. I believe correct me if I’m wrong that Lord Kroak is first generation and even in death has more power than Mazdamundi or at least he had more power in life. This is why I HAD to make it a first gen (also secretly I wanted to it makes his secret creation all the more plausible). For the purposes of my Lore surrounding Luluni he is an integral cog in a far larger universal machine. The Name: To be honest naming things isn’t my forte - for example in GCSE IT we had to do some form of data entry for an estate agents and I ended up naming all my clients with humorous names only later to be told we’d lose marks for unrealistic names. (Only to have my teacher lose my entire coursework later on - which resulted in me doing only foundation ICT giving me a maximum grade of C which is a bite in the backside considering I like the subject). Back to topic; the name was formed on a whim and by happy coincidence alone sounds like (Loony) a hint to the craziness that I didn’t quite instil in the character say for his regression though more on that later. Final note on the name is that I wanted it to sound realistic in relation to previously named Slann and characters, please let me know if you think I hit the mark on this. Final final comment - alliteration and title - I love naming characters with titles to give you some idea of their personality traits/skills. More to follow…The (Slann’s)Title: “The Lifebringer”In all honesty I didn’t know much about what powers Slann poses on brief research I found Mazdamundi to be cataclysmic in terms of seismic activity for the dwarfs little did they know it was him. And perhaps some powers with moving meteorites etc. and hailing them down to battlefields. I think they said geomancer unless I made that up. I wanted Luluni to have more skills as a Biomancer but also be well versed in the manipulation of the arcane azure to warrant his creation of his own environment. In my version of the Old Ones Plan Luluni serves a grand purpose (this is just a taster of more to come for this character) primarily the Old Ones created and excluded Luluni because he is Plan B (Shoot me for sacrilege but a race as ancient and smart as the Old Ones must be prepared for failure - Hope for the best PLAN for the worst.) He discovers his powers alone because he was meant to. They abandoned him in hope that he would unearth and hone his abilities himself - they created him to self teach. He is called the life bringer because through him life can be created. His initial life creating skills came from sped up environmental evolution as he terraforms the planet he is stranded and wills life into existence, he does this because he is or at the very least feels alone. There will of course be limits to this power a drain on Luluni to ensure he is not too powerful, this can be seen as being evident as it is through his subconscious that skinks spring to his aid (The Old Ones are acting through him knowing he has begun to create things they are able to give him a guided prod). I wanted the first two skinks to skitter back from whence they came for this reason, they are not 100% of Luluni’s own creation - The next two skinks however are wholly his, in fact they are so much his that they are small parts of him: "Next came forth Soto The Scribbler & Siti The Sightseer. The pairing were scribes and began documenting Luluni’s past as if though they had too lived it.” This is because they had lived through what he had they are him and he is them, I wanted him to have attendants - admittedly two isn’t many for now. These two are scribes so that there is documentation of Luluni’s comings and goings for history's own benefit and for Luluni to be able to record and remember where he comes from, where he’s going, and what he’s done. His final act of creation before meditative contemplation comes in a massive burst: “ Finally spilled forth from the cauldron thousands of tiny lizards they scattered into the woodland to begin their legacy.” He literally produces thousands of lizards that swarm out from his unique palanquin’s cauldron (Spawning pool - I know nothing about lizardmen spawning but this is where Luluni spawns a majority of his creations) these rudimentary lizards are all shapes and sizes and go on to evolve into lizardmen races as he slumbers. This is because the Old Ones needed to create a force capable of replicating their life creating skills in case anything should happen to them (This would have been a hard decision for them to give a creation of theirs a skill of their own but because they are playing the game on a larger scale they are not above taking risks) The very fact that Lord Luluni produces Lizardmen as his first official race proves his allegiance to the Old Ones great Plan and reinforces to us readers that the lizardmen are the first and favoured race. OH My Lord: A brief summary of lordship; I noticed that most if not all Slann were given the title of Lord so I had to engineer a scenario in which Luluni had the rite to call himself one, what better way than to earn the title through the actions of creating a dominion. Size Does = Matter: When buying Slann on Ebay they mostly all looked the same to me although there are one or two version there isn’t a wide variety to chose from (This can be explained and be understandable if you consider the Old Ones created beings fit for purpose with character traits to match social standing and job roles, so why would they need to look much different?) I wanted to have Luluni be more unique than other Slann in appearance - In essence he is no ordinary Slann to begin with but that can be discussed in detail another time . His size is an obvious choice for the change he is BIGGER and better than others. E=mc2 (Squared) (Although this equation in reality isn’t quite accurate it is a science that shows that mass and energy are interchangeable you just have to put them through the equation machine to change them) Luluni has two creation techniques - firstly he can use his own mass to produce beings connected to him, this is limited by his size and secondly he creates things through manipulation of the azure energies of the universe - this is the biggest drain on his powers as he will need time to recharge himself. (He’s no duracell bunny) there is a small amount of room for Luluni to work out that the “=” in an equation means it can go both ways there is a 0.00000000000000000000001% chance that he will learn that he can turn energy into mass for himself and produce even more beings connected to him directly. Godlike Immortality: Research leads me to believe that Slann are immortal like the elves in Lord Of The Rings they have the gift of eternal life, with the catch being they can still die by accident or otherwise - they can live forever if nothing stops them from doing so. Lord Kroaks attendants serve him in death however this is not the fate of Siti & Soto, how do they survive the ages as long as Luluni? “The Skink companions too slept a stasis of immobility, a preserving persistent spell of perpetual paralytic protection coated them.” These two are part of Luluni as previously mentioned and created through him therefore he has irrevocable control over them fortunately for them he protects them in the times they are not needed to preserve their usefulness for later dates. Palanquin: I know next to nothing about these - I even googled them - this is what I found out: "A covered litter carried on poles on the shoulders of multiple bearers, formerly used in eastern Asia” (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/palanquin). Later I found out from buying some early early Slann that they were actually carried by slaves on something similar to an oriental carpet. I wanted Luluni’s Palanquin to be made of stone like I assume the more recent Slanns are. I wanted it to me more earthy and rock like to accommodate his size and the natural cauldron that is his unique spawning pool. However I still wanted it to fly and not be carried, this was achieved through the Old Ones influence. I should note here that although Luluni is wise enough to know he is being assisted by the Old Ones he Is still left alone for the most part, they are little more than the gentle breeze that bends the river grass as it grows. What Does The Future Hold Or What Has A Hold On The Future: Luluni’s reach far extends his arm as he, to put it lightly - dabbles with future affairs. This is one of the main plot revelations in the story, if you hadn’t worked it out already let me tell you why: This story exists as a bridge between Warhammer and Warhammer 40k - they have long been separated only to be joined by similarity, as far as I can gather they have never exclusively claimed the two universes are linked. Though both have Old Ones and the Warp etc. This is why my story focuses more on a broader spectrum (though revised revisions will definitely, thanks to feedback go into more character depth and plot depth...everything depth...we need to go deeper!) In my version of this cross over the Old Ones exist as a superior intelligent race capable of not only traversing the stars but cross galaxy travel. In fact they did not originate from the Warhammer/Warhammer 40k galaxy at all. It transpires that they are fleeing a great evil of which they have yet to work out how to defeat. Have you worked out what hunts them yet? That’s right the Tyranid. “It’s mind was troubled by an encroaching darkness, a prophecy of great evil; from the deep recesses of the void they would flow into our world and with bone and bile break all before them.”The “prophecy” is infact a seeded warning from the Old Ones planted in Luluni’s mind it tells him of the Tyranid entering the Galaxy from the void. I only wanted to hint at the Tyranid in this story so I used “bone and bile” as a tasty morsel to tease the reader. The Old Ones are an extremely knowledgeable and wise race they know what is chasing them but couldn’t fight them in their own Galaxy, perhaps it was destroyed before they even knew what was coming - perhaps it was too late for some of their race. We know not what happened before lest someone tell us (Cough I intend to in future). In any event we must work with what we know at present - They fled to a new galaxy with every intention of fighting off the impending Tyranid (Bare in mind that the Old Ones are far more advanced technologically than the biological fleets of the Tyranid so in this aspect alone they are able to outrun the Tyranid giving them the much needed time to create THE GREAT PLAN - and boy oh boy is it a great plan). So here it is - a brief summary of the great plan: The Old Ones Flee their home galaxy because they have lost all hope in their own They plan to raise an army in another to either go back rid the universe of Tyranid They know their enemy to have the advantage as they feed on multiple gene types and use their enemies to their advantage so already have the upper hand on the Old Ones. The Great Plan hopes that with enough new races the Tyranid will be unable to combat all types on all fronts. Or at the very least a vast variety of species will by chance alone find a weakness in their foes that they can exploit. The Old Ones know that with humans will come machines and hope that this will be problematic to a gene stealing race. The Old Ones intended to stay and guide their new armies uniting them in the face of a common enemy. For all their scheming against their assailants the Old Ones had a Blind eye to the chaos that would seep through from the chaos realm. This ultimately lead to another retreat where they could find a safer galaxy to continue their new PLAN A as such they reached into their own past and created (re-created) Luluni with their first gen Slann (This helps explain how and why Luluni has powers over time-space) PLAN B (Abandoned PLAN A) is the galactic equivalent of throwing a barrel of windfall apples down to slow someone chasing you through a market. The Old Ones wanted to use what work they had already done as a barrier to the Tyranids (Although ultimately this would mean that they were handing over new genes to the Tyranids making them a stronger race yet again) The Old Ones were planning on the fly they were working on the assumption that what work they had done already may be enough to stop the Tyranid under the right conditions, just like the barrel scenario where there is the smallest of chances that they might trip and die. If not they would have bought themselves more time. “Luluni cast its mind thousands of years into the future catapulting its consciousness onto a frozen plain.” So when exactly do the Tyranids cross the void? The earliest reference I could find was to a vessel that is found crashed on an ice world - way before the Tyranids officaly enter the 40k Universe. This is the “enormous vessel a living embodiment of progress” in my story being a Biological spaceship “it had traveled vast distances” Lord Luluni is easily able to control it and force it to crash because his main talents lie in Biomancy. He does this from the safety of the past it is to be assumed that his aeons of silent stillness are his way of storing energy enough to complete this task, otherwise Luluni would single handedly be capable of stopping the Tyranid threat as they are all biological, alas his powers are limited. The Tyranid ship’s presence in the Warhammer 40k world is speculated to be a scouting ship - there are other theories but this best ties in with my Lore. The Tyranids were following the Old Ones in order to completely eradicate them, their sole purpose is for self preservation and letting the Old Ones escape could jeopardise this. They sent a scout to locate the Old Ones so they knew where to find them. It is important to remember that the Tyranids are a hive mind so capable of fast and effective communications between ALL of their troops at once - so why does it matter that Luluni crashed the scout ship? He did it from the past he was never even there - the Tyranids would never know what crashed their ship. It might strike fear into them buying more time. It might ensure they never come to that Galaxy but it doesn’t they come anyway - perhaps curious of what happened to their scout. The main thing is that they didn’t get information back to their main fleet from this excursion. I wrote this event as short as possible because I wanted it to embody a Slann’s version of - “No”. One Big Happy Sla(nn)mily: Luluni was both created after and at the same time as other first generation Slann - he knows of their existence and they know nothing of him. It was commented that there was respect going on when these two it was @spawning of Bob who said “There is some serious etiquette going on between the Old One's first children.” I should probably make it clear that this etiquette was more afforded to you Lustrians as I didn’t want to cause too much disruption to the lore of an already named character. There are two reasons I didn’t have the two Slann fight on an epic scale; firstly because I read that Lord Mazdamundi actually dies in the End Times (Infact he warns of this event) and let's be honest Luluni would have destroyed him I didn’t want Luluni to dramatically change the course of history twice in one short piece. Secondly Luluni accepts Mazdamundi is a better geomancer than himself and knows that he might prove more useful alive than dead. I agree wholeheartedly that this scene needs drastic alteration from my story and will work tirelessly to improve it for the reader. I honestly thought Mazdamundi was a second gen Slann please let me know if he isn’t - I know he was Lord Kroak's Pupil though. Eww But It’s Tainted...: Let's’ talk about Luluni’s regression - this was a key scene I wanted to implement into the story I wanted to make the character likeable in some fashion, relatable, even childlike (tadpole like). This was another boundary pushing scene because no Slann has touched the ground in millenia? Because they believe it to be tainted, however Luluni spent some time on the ground of his homeworld and therefore has no fear of dismounting his palanquin when and where he chooses too. I was touched by @Bowser for saying:“Probably my favourite bit from all of the stories. Just a Slann's day off!” Let’s Talk Poetry: The tale ends with a poem - I like doing poems (one verse 4 lines tends to be my favourite as they are simple to insert into stories) they add an extra layer of depth to a story I feel. You all got to read:“On black waves a vessel will fly, The course it’s set to sail, The Old World will die, At the coming of the second tail” The vessel is a comet that heralds the End Times, the black waves it sails on is the emptiness of space. This comet has two tails but I later read that “Tehenhauin” also heralds the End Times and is a twin tailed Skink. If this is true then the second tail also refers to him. The poem originally was written as: “On black waves a vessel will fly,The course it’s set to sail,At journey's end all will die, Look for the second tail” Although there is not much difference between the two I believe the last minute changes improved it immensely. This Story Is Getting Me Emotional: @Killer Angel said: “What I don't like: it a good tale, but it's a tale. Kinda like the Silmarillion. I like it, but I see the story from the outside, so I cannot relate so much with the protagonist, and emotional involvement is important (to me).” & @Scalenex said: “I would have liked to get inside Lord Luluni’s head some more. The whole story has a feel of being externally narrated. I know Slann are alien and remote but I’d hope to touch base with Luluni’s thoughts and feelings a least a little.” I couldn’t agree more with these two statements and their authors though the main character is Luluni he is somewhat absent in the story. Entitlement: The title of this story is somewhat an inaccurate description of Luluni - He is never truly forgotten by the Old Ones and could not possibly be forgotten by the other Slann as they had no prior knowledge of him. The title only really rings true if Luluni’s tale was lost to us as the reader and we are only now rediscovering it. Powers: I will be making a model for this own character as well as creating some rules for him - making him balanced will be the main barrier to overcome I will need to write and rewrite his rules undoubtedly. As I see it he has a few main powers that he is masterful in:BiomancyGeomancyManipulation of Time This is definitely something I need to consider more to make him unique and playable. Behavioural Problems: One of my main excuses for terrible battle writing was that I had no idea the difference between a Skink and Saurus warrior etc (All troop types basically) I didn’t know who would behave and fight in which way. A poor excuse I know. All battle scenes will be a lot more detailed and involved in later revisions. My only other excuse is that I rushed the stories end to finish it in two days though there was more time for the competition - I’m a foolish person indeed. The End - Times: If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading the in-depth self evaluation of my work - I hope I’ve covered everything, but if you are left with questions that need answering please post them below and I’ll do my best to clarify things for you. I’d also like to welcome you in posting your own evaluations of the story as this will influence the future for this work. I look forward to hearing from you all.
I think for Lord Luluni touching his own planet would not spead the taint of chaos, as the chaos has not come to that planet, touching on the warhammer planet would be. I don't have the direct quote, but I think the slann stopped setting foot on the earth when the chaos gods showed up. I think you did surprisingly well for not having the source material to reference! I tend to get as far away from the Warhammer named characters myself, but I think this worked well here. More original characters from you, and more writing! I am definitely looking forward to reading more of your stuff!
And to think, I was once accused of thinking too much. I'm super impressed by the scope of what you are shining a bit of light around the edges of (did that make sense? A huge vision can only be dramatically portrayed in glimpses.) And that is probably the most complete vision of the Great Plan that I have read. In truth, most others and I are happy to leave the plan ambiguous because it adds a poignancy to the service of the Lizardmen and says a lot about the nature of faith - I could wax lyrical about that but I won't. If the Apple barrel trick doesn't work here, will the Old Ones upset a barrow of cantaloupes in the next galaxy? Silliness aside your plan is logical and plausible AND it is reasonable that its true intent be hidden from its servants. OO- so that's the plan. Got it? LM- my entire race was created to be a speed bump for a galaxy devouring swarm. OO- Yup. LM- Screw that. As for the veracity of your portrayal of lizard subtypes in general - don't sweat it. The best characters here are stereotype breakers already (although it does help to know what you are rebelling against). Lulu is a rule breaker anyway, so he can spawn whatever the heck he wants. If you are setting up an interaction with orthodox lizards in future, feel welcome to bounce ideas off the illiterati anytime - we exist to serve. It's good that you have set some limits on lulu's power and his willingness to use it - easier to build tension if there is a chance / likelihood of failure. Future chapters could follow one of his mortal and fallible servants to allow for more setbacks. The Great Plan was never meant to be easy! You are sounding like an idea sponge right now. If you have a couple of spare nights you might get some use out of the Writer's Wretreat and the Lustriapedia has a good deal of background info on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th posts. The Wretreat badly needs a new topic, of there is something specific you would like to discuss. I would also like to compile a dry history of the WHFB world from LM perspective so that future AoS and other system newcomers will have some context to understand the writings of Old Timers here. That project is beyond me at the moment (it would need to be a huge collaboration with editing and stuff) Thanks for going out on a limb and baring your soul. Sotek needs more sacrifices, and being the new guy...
I am actually in love with this "author's thoughts" piece. I feel like we've reach peak commentary. Ha, welcome to the first stumbling block for writing Lizardmen! The general writing trend tends to follow ancient Greek tradition of giving the unknown a male aspect. By all means shirk it and apply a female pronoun just to shake things up, but i'd definitely suggest using the more personal pronouns for writing. Unless you're doing some avante-garde piece then feel free to blow my socks off with whatever pronouns you can imagine. Still, I did wonder what you hinted at with regards to the future. I thought it may be some 40K Chaos-type battleship but, not, its the Tyranids. Fair. Generally I feel like this story would work in an episodic format. Granted it was for a short story competition but the epic scale leaves it somewhat detached and makes me yearn for a level of intimacy with the characters that wasn't forthcoming. This is why most author's probably tend towards the smaller-scale stories - struggle, suffering, chagrin, hope, euphoria...and all elements of drama are, generally, more easily pronounced.
I agree there will be more to come from this both prior to the story and what happens next - I'm going to see what the next theme is and either work it into one of the episodes or just create the episodes on my own. Time will tell