Contest January-February 2017 Voting Thread

Psst, last minute reviews hopefully by the end of the week.

Oh and @Slanputin: i'll get you up a translation too

 

I lost all of my edits to add to my original posts..... I'll be writing them here now so that the draft saves. My apologies on Tardiness.

 

*Pretends not to have read results*

Story One: Judge not a book by the cover that bindeth it.

When I first began reading this entry, I was put off a little by the spelling mistakes and rough edges. The whole part with the humans confused me a bit as its them quickly brushed over. Maybe this was part of a plot thread that was left unfinished? Or maybe i'm not reading into it right. It's possible that English may nay be the author's first language, but whether it is or not, this piece definately needed a good proof-read or two to iron things out.

And yet, when it comes down to the feeling of this piece and the image it paints, the author handled things remarkably well. The imagery of the blind being able to see what those with sight cannot is well played here and makes for a great ending. Although, the re-arranging part seemed a bit unfinished and left field. I'm not sure how much this tale does fit with the themes, but I don't really care. I'm more interested in what the future has for this lizzie.

Zrrktz: When I wake and open my eye-meat, there is darkness and noth-nothing more...

Story Two: 2/10, there wasn’t another Skink messenger called Mr’tar. The author missed a great opportunity.

Ok, I’ll be a bit more serious. This story left me pretty split.

The stakes, the tension, the lack of action, and symbolism were impeccable. This was the sort of secluded snap shot of (I assume) the End Times that we really didn’t get. I at least assume it’s the End Times with the silver object (Skryre firing a missile at the moon) shattering the moon.

I really enjoyed how both character arcs seemed to end in a slow-mo movie moment, the Scar Vet charging the Vermin Lord and the Skink Priestess opening her eyes as the verminous hordes charge in. This story felt pretty epic.

However. However, this story has problems. For one thing it feels too fragmented with a severe lack of meat. Perhaps the author wished the readers to fill in the gaps themselves, but I think this is not the best form to take. The characters just didn’t feel right either, maybe it was due to the whole gender thing (actually, this whole gender-thing in story competitions of late is very interesting, but I think it’s becoming a little too prolific) or the author possibly rushing it. It didn’t feel quite finished in a way, despite having an ending of sorts.

Mrrm...A very well written tale and yet one I really aren’t sure about.

Felrix Brightfur: Well, it'd be how I'd wanna go out. Guns blazing and all...

Story Three: Wow.

I'll start off by saying that this piece took my breath away (well most did to be fair.) The epic combat that saturated this piece was so well pulled off that it was oft a joy to read. The author put a lot of great detail and description in everything that I felt every movement and every blow. I really am not one for action but this was quite the story that I might have to alter my opinion somewhat.

I enjoyed how the main character took blows throughout the combat rather than just be an invincible wargod of destruction. And the more damage the main character took, the more as a reader I felt on the edge of my chair. Sure, the whole reanimated via starlight thing makes death seem less of consequence, but as Kai-Otl was struck and struck again I wanted him to pull through and smash that necromancer (besides, less competition for me is good too...)

And that twist...that hit me right in the feels. Poor Kai-Otl...poor Rex-Op...

I guess the very ending felt slightly off to me, however. I can see the imagery, and yet it somehow felt a bit detatched and clunky...Not sure exactly how/why...

Inmiz Grilsrid, an Avid: Tell the facts, if the Kai-Otl cannot handle it then its mind was too weak and the Rex-Op is better without.

Story Four: Hmm, interesting take.

This was a very very short piece, and yet i'm not sure adding much more would have really benefitted it much. The main character's thoughts were wonderfully crafted and the backstory were pretty well pulled off. The feelings of vengeance and the coldness of reality were very nicely done. In fact the last lines reminded me a lot of the poem sometimes referred to as The Little Fete by Li Po.

That said, the story didn't leave me with as great as impression as some others in this competition have. It was however, quite the different style in my opinion. Nice job!

Jiao Hun: I wonder about the time frame-thing of this story-thing...was-was it perception of time or real time? Who-who can tell?

Story Five: Hah, with all these dark and bleak stories, this was a very welcome change of pace.

There was so little serious tone throughout this whole tale that at least five Whizz-Bangs were overloaded and exploded from sheer nonsensicality. The character dialogue was very well written with great comedic timing. Shame that whole space fluff challenge thing never really did hit off, especially with a story like this.

Despite this, the story being more relaxed and one great parody/love letter may have harmed itself in the face of the more deeper and impactful stories in this competition. Also, that red shirt sacrifice was just harsh. Effective, but harsh. And that's coming from a Skaven concerned priest-thing.

Nonetheless a great out of the ordinary piece!

Warlock Engineer Tkull: I wish I had a space ship...even if i'd just ram it intae things...

 

Congrats @lordkingcrow and to everyone who participated! Fantastic stories all around!
Alright so here is the breakdown for "The Next Generation"

The working title for this was “A New Hope” to see if I could rile up the Fanboys, I decided to change it to avoid that being the focus of any constructive criticism I might receive.

The initial idea was; what if the engine of the gods when summoning a slann or Lord Kroak, it wasn’t summoning a living one, but creating a new slann or relic priest. It would explain all the pop up slann in AOS, as well as if you were to play against another person who was also using Kroak. This would basically save the race from extinction, create a few Relic Priests, which if they would take my theory of adding in new named scrolls for heroic models they could sell more and improve power creep for all armies. I doubt it would ever make canon, but interesting thoughts nonetheless.


Star date 40504.41 is broken down like so:

405=AOS

04= Fourth Realm

.41= 4th season as set out in “Great Green Torc” and 1st day of the season.


Here is the breakdown of the game. Mind none of these are tournament armies, but they are legal armies that with some tweaking could work quite well.

I think that the time of war is fairly obvious, it is the “Great Green Torc.” I enjoy playing that time of war, great spells, lots of great effects that can change the game. I did not add in a battle plan, but you could put in objectives very easily with the Temple starships, and even add bonuses to those terrain features. Here are the armies, I left out describing them mostly, but there are still hints as to what the two Seraphon armies consist of. I didn’t include most of the Nurgle one in the hints, other than the great unclean one brought some rats. Filthy, filthy rats.


The Wrath of Spawn

LEADERS

Great Unclean One (240)

Plague Priest with Warpstone-tipped Staff (80)

Plague Furnace (220)

UNITS

30 x Plague Monks (210)

- Foetid Blades

- Icon of Pestilence

- Doom Gongs

- Pestilens Battleline

30 x Plague Monks (210)

- Foetid Blades

- Icon of Pestilence

- Doom Gongs

- Pestilens Battleline

20 x Plague Monks (140)

- Foetid Blades

- Icon of Pestilence

- Doom Gongs

- Pestilens Battleline

15 x Plague Censer Bearers (180)

- Pestilens Battleline

WAR MACHINES

Plagueclaw (180)

Plagueclaw (180)

Plagueclaw (180)

BATTALIONS

Congregation of Filth (60)

Foulrain Congregation (100)

WOUNDS: 148 TOTAL POINTS: 1980 / 2000


SSS Consolation Prize

LEADERS

Slann Starmaster (260)

Skink Starseer (160)

Engine of the Gods (240)

Skink Chief (60)

- Golden Sickle

Jade Battlemage (100)

UNITS

Skinks x 10 (80)

- Boltspitters & Star Bucklers

- Battleline

Skinks x 10 (80)

- Boltspitters & Star Bucklers

- Battleline

Skinks x 10 (80)

- Boltspitters & Star Bucklers

- Battleline

Salamanders x 3 (180)

Skink Handlers x 3 (40)

MONSTERS

Bastiladon (300)

Bastiladon (300)

BATTALIONS

Thunderquake Starhost (120)

WOUNDS: 88 TOTAL POINTS: 2000 / 2000


SSS Skullcano

LEADERS

Saurus Oldblood on Carnosaur (320)

Saurus Scar-Veteran on Carnosaur (260)

- Warblade

Skink Starpriest (100)

Saurus Scar-Veteran on Cold One (100)

Saurus Oldblood (100)

- Suntooth Maul

Slann Starmaster (260)

UNITS

Saurus Warriors x 10 (100)

- Clubs

- Battleline

Saurus Warriors x 10 (100)

- Clubs

- Battleline

Saurus Warriors x 10 (100)

- Clubs

- Battleline

Chameleon Skinks x 5 (120)

Ripperdactyl Riders x 3 (140)

Skinks x 10 (80)

- Meteoric Javelins & Star Bucklers

- Battleline

BATTALIONS

Bloodclaw Starhost (100)

Shadowstrike Starhost (120)

WOUNDS: 103 TOTAL POINTS: 2000 / 2000

 

Happy Winday @lordkingcrow

 

A Whimper was written by me when I was in study mode, having 3 exams right after the deadline. My own daughter (first) was due a few weeks after that (now arrived) and I was just totally over exams. I channeled how I was feeling.

It was a bit cheeky of me to put up the interpretations to my own work but it's always hard keeping anonymity when reviewing everyone's stuff.

The truth is that the story was supposed to be about interpretation one. Just something quick as without these deadlines I would stop writing. A simply story about biting off more than you could chew and regretting it.

It was upon rereading it did I discover the second interpretation (and added the last paragraph) so it wasn't deliberate, it was just there lying dormant in my story.

So I am not sure what it ended up being about, the interpretation as ennui was also a very interesting one.

Hopefully I will have time to write properly next competition but I guess time will tell!

 

I would congratulate lordkingcrow on a stupendous victory but that feels totally out of place now that

SQUEEEEEE OMGEEEEE CONGRATULATIONS! A NEW SPAWNING FOR LUSTRIA! LET US OFFER UP FRESH SACRIFICES TO SOTEK IN GRATITUDE FOR THIS JOYOUS DAY!!!!! LET THE FESTIVITIES COMMENCE!



In unrelated and totally worthless news

Did not see this coming at all. Nice one.

 

Haha yeah she is a little cutie. Definitely worth the wait.

 

Congrats on the hatchling, Disco! And to lordkingcrow, too, for a win, and my thanks to everyone for the detailed feedback and the welcome I've gotten here.
I'm definitely going to keep writing, and Kai-Otl and Rex-Op's story isn't over yet, so there'll be more to come.
So, yeah, for my story, initially I just thought back to my first AoS game I'd had during the Season of War event GW ran, and then started writing the combat scenes. The second half came after, from 40k stories I'd read, especially "Irixa" by Ben Counter and a few other short ones. Then I finished it off in a flurry of typing on a bus ride home from school, and just started going with stream of consciousness.

 

Thanks Everyone! It was fun to write on some Warhammer fluff and there was some stiff competition this go around.

Congrats Discomute! Children are always a blessing (if not a stressful blessing from time to time ).

 

More late review-things:

Story Six: That poor Seer...I mean...er...that poor Trog-thing. Very sad-sad...yes-yes...

Another emotion filled story that makes you want to go out and slaughter those handsome vile vermin by the hundred. Both characters were written exceptionally well, the author knowing just the right heart strings to pull (you git) in their thoughts and actions. The Skaven were horrible and evil as they should be, making Kytzl's golf stroke very much satisfying even if it was a hollow victory in the end.

The use of Tehenhuain was pulled off very nicely without him taking away the limelight but instead helping mould the plot focus onto that of hope and vengeance for the poor trog.

So yes, a deep and impactful story!

Tekris Malthkus: Beast-thing can be fix-saved, just need lots and lots of lightning and Warpstone and be better than new!


Story Seven: Wow.

To be fair, I could (and indeed I have) say this about a great many of these entries. Though this one did ring quite a bell with me with the handling of the given themes. The aura of doom upon the city was very potent and the tension as it approached was executed marvelously. The pacing was perhaps a tad on the slow side, but I think anything faster would have lost the effect that this gave to the story.

The twist with the last minute spawning was truly great and the use of Saurian was a very nice touch (I prefer Queekish of course). I have my doubts whether they would beat back the forces of darkness, but mayhaps I should have more hope.

Hraak Grilsrid, an Avid: Why did it have to cut off there? I wanted to see the last stand...


Story Eight: Ok, that was pretty awesome.

Given all the themes of late of memory constructs being flawed due to the 'memories' of the Slann, this story proudly stands alongside them in the continued painting of this theme. The pacing was delightfully slow and measured to give full effect to the fight within and without. Indeed, the fight itself was very well described and oozed with action.

I kinda liked how flawed the Slann were in remembering the main character and all of the failures before him. The author did a great job at teasing out the identity of the protagonist prior to the final reveal.

Not sure I can find anything to really critique here.

Gribble: Grib, Gribble, Gribb Gribble Gr. Gri, Gribble.


Story Nine: Y'know, there's a lot of cities falling in these entries. The Horned Rat would be proud...I mean...Oh woe and calamity!

Part of my totally not verminous heart did rejoice at the death of the toad-thing though. Ahem, anyway... This piece despite continuing the trend of fallen cities held its own (and well, considering the results, i'd agree that it soared) and brought some nice images to the table. The image of the Skaven possibly deciding the poison wasn't working quick enough and resorting to stabbing the hell-pit out of the unborn Skinks felt very true to form and it was a joy to see Roq smash the vermin apart as he sought to avenge the pools.

Again, I struggle to find much else to really pick at in this piece.

Great job!

Seer Sneer, Skavenblight's famed Chef-Seer: No-no! Lizard-thing spawn-eggs mustn't be poison-stabbed! That ruins the flavour!

 

@Bowser I love how your story had an army roster behind. It makes me appreciate it a lot more.

Keep these author responses coming in! Will do my own (probably involved) response soonish.

 

This is just a message so I will stop getting a draft of every review I have copy and pasted automatically showing up whenever I load this thread....

 

Voting for yourself is in bad taste and not in the spirit of the competition imo

If you just delete the message it should go away.

 

LOL Slanputin you got me last time, I got you this time! Madness!!