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Fiction Among the Dust - A What-If Duel between Felrix and Eli-Nesz

Won'dring Aloud if my Passion Play was understood by you Mouse Police (Who Never Sleep) that the Pied Piper was a literal Tkull than my Warlock Engineer who is more the agriculturalist. But as the Chequered Flag falls, I wonder if I am Too Old to Rock n Roll and yet Too Young to Die...
 
And the temple cities are all swept away
In Morrslieb's destruction, and bloody melee
The Slann's retreat spells a close of play
As memories of the Old World turn grey

But your new flesh is worn with skill
As the starlight makes you real
And you starpriests don't know how it feels
To be as thick as a Steg
 
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You put your Ixti grubs on Eli-Nesz and it comes up every time.
The other skinks have all backed down and they put you first in line.
And so you finally ask yourself just how big you are
and take your place in a stranger world where we're all made of stars.

And you wonder who to call on.

So! Where the warp was Kroak when you needed him last Spawnday?
And where were all the First Gen who always pulled you though?
They're all resting down in their chambers,
looking very bony. Guess the Plan goes on without them,
until we get some saviours...


Anyway...back on topic...

Anyone have an ideas for where to take the story to now? :P
 
Absolutely go ahead with it, the brothers can come at any point, and I haven't had time to wtite. So feel free to write!
 
The Conductor or Among the Dust/High Noon Hijinx (part 6 (8))


“Again.”

“Are you sure, Lord Roob?” asked Lord Khan’Man, the gentlest touch of a smile creeping upon his rounded face.

In their viewing plane beyond time and reality the two Slann gazed over the sandy realm they had brought into existence merely for a bet.

---------------------------------

“And that was how I destroyed not only the spineback ridges and the Skagg gang but created spineback canyon!”

“I know,” muttered Doc Bones into his drink which oddly looked like spoilt milk, “that’s the fifth time you’ve told us about it, Henry.”

“It’s the Prospector! Not ‘Henry’!” growled the Prospector, his beard bouncing in anger.

Doc Bones shrugged and turned his skeletal head away from the angry Dwarf to address the other two of the group. Felrix, the light furred Skaven had procured another pot of warpcoffee and her tail was already twitching from the caffeine drive. Eli-Nesz meanwhile was staring deeply into his empty glass, a claw scratching at his scaly head absentmindedly.

“It’s been quiet...too quiet,” whispered Doc Bones to the pair.

Felrix shrugged, “What-what is time anyhow?” If the cowboy attired Tomb King could have narrowed his eyeholes, he would have.

“That’s not helping, Brightfur,” he hissed, “As Mr Nesz here has pointed out, we’re not real. Just fabrications by one or more Slann for some great purpose. Though to be fair, all we’ve done so far is kill Skaven, kill goblins, ‘kill’ the Underwriter, and kill more Skaven.”

“Weren’t we meant ta run for the hills after that last one?” muttered Felrix as she gulped down another mug of ominously glowing coffee.

“Erm, yes...but we decided we had time for another drink...or three...”

“Shh, listen!” growled Eli-Nesz. The Skink bounty hunter rose and reached for his gun.

“I don’t hear anything,” growled the Prospector who all the same snatched up a red stick of dynamite.

“Ah, but few hear the falling grains of sand as time runs out,” spoke a new voice and the door swung open to reveal a tall moustachioed human in a suit and matching top hat. Felrix’s bullet whizzed towards said hat, but the human merely sidestepped out of its path.

“Now, now Miss Brightfur, I am very fond of this hat,” he paused to glance at the gold chased pocket watch in his hand, “I will enjoy killing you again.”

“Do...do I know you?” squeaked Felrix, somewhat unnerved.

“I do,” hissed Eli-Nesz, “He’s the Conductor.”

“Very good, Mr Nesz, or do you prefer Eli? You met my dear brother a little while back. He’s mighty upset about that piano you all landed on him. But I am not here on account of him, certainly not. The trains must run on time and I fear you must board this train very soon.”

“What train?” demanded the Prospector.

“The one to remove you from this world and into the empty void of nothingness. Normally my dear brother is the one to board you onto my train, but he’s somewhat indisposed.” He sidestepped as another bullet streaked to where his head had been.

“Every time, Brightfur. It’s really getting quite boring. That’s 379 times you’ve fired that bullet at me. You’ve only eleven shots left.” The Conductor turned towards Eli-Nesz. “And this is where you say: ‘he is able to reset time to a single point over and over.’ Although I’ve done it for you. You’re welcome.”

Eli-Nesz hissed. “We’re not going with you.”

“Just once I’d wish you’d say something different,” sighed the Conductor, “even if it was just for the variety.”

He stepped aside as another bullet whizzed past.

“Ten shots left, Brightfur. Although...I almost felt that one” the Conductor then sighed, “and this is the part where you all attack me.”

The Conductor leapt backwards out of the swinging door as a series of shots (and a stick of dynamite) shredded it. “Eight shots, Brightfur!” he chuckled as he danced away behind the cover of an overturned water trough.

The dry and cracked ground of the street shimmered for a moment before particles of sand and dust whirled into a storm. There was a dull clacking as Doc Bones strode out into the storm he had created. He clenched his bony hand into a fist and the storm grew fiercer, his empty sockets glowing with the light of Khemri.

The Conductor smiled and fired a single shot from a silver chased pistol that flew wide of the Tomb King. The bullet rebounded off of several pans, spurred on by the wind, before striking the sign above the tavern. There was a sickening crack as the sign broke away and fell onto Doc Bones with an equally sickening crunch. His skull, now loose, bounced away. The light dying in his eye sockets.

A hand pick flew through the dust, unerringly spinning towards the Conductor’s head. The Conductor merely smile and caught it mid-air and spun it around to deflect two Warpstone sheathed bullets. “Six shots, Brightfur,” he laughed and threw the pick back at the Prospector, bowling him off his feet and into a pile of rubble and wood.

Eli-Nesz and Felrix rolled out, pistols flaring. The Conductor merely sidestepped them and continued to countdown Felrix’s bullets. He fired back and the Skaven and Skink ducked behind cover. The Prospector rose again and cried out a challenge until a bullet streaked overhead and a large vulture fell out of the sky and onto the Prospector. He fell back into the rubble with a groan. From his cover, the Conductor’s hat could be seen bobbing up and down in laughter. His pistol appeared from cover again and another dead vulture landed precisely on Eli-Nesz, crushing him under its weight.

“Look, just make this easy for yourselves and give up,” the Conductor smiled as he rose from his cover and threw his pistol aside. Felrix leapt up and fired a single pistol. The Conductor’s smile did not waiver as he effortlessly plucked the bullet from the air.

“And that was your last shot, Miss Brightfur.” The Conductor stepped out and drew a long bladed knife. “Such a waste, firing off your shots like that,” he grinned as Eli-Nesz struggled to get back onto his feet. Felrix stood there holding a gun. “Oh c’mon, just drop it already, you’re looking very foolish, Brightfur. It doesn’t matter as this is the part where I kill you. Will you beg this time?”

Felrix said nothing as a shot rang out from her gun. The Conductor’s smug smile transformed into a look of horror as the bullet smashed his watch to smithereens. The remains fell to the dusty ground before being consumed in a flash of magical fire from the watch’s destruction.

“Felrix would have run out of bullets,” said Eli-Nesz with a toothy grin, “if I hadn’t of swapped guns with her whilst you were dealing with our companions.”

“But...this hasn’t happened once...not in all the versions I’ve been through...”

“That’s because you openly counted the bullets.”

“But...”

“And I figured that if I were to disrupt that, the surprise would destroy your watch and prevent you from resetting things to try again. I also figured that such a move had not been made in any of the past versions of us you fought since its success would eliminate your ability to do so. There was a chance that Felrix could have missed in the past and you knew to plan for this. But Brightfur rarely misses a target like that, not when she knows what to shoot at.”

The Conductor began to slowly back away.

“And whilst you are kin to the Underwriter...I figure you are in this mortal form somewhat susceptible to mundane weapons, hence the amount of resets you needed to make to get to now.”

The Conductor growled and reached for a silver chased whistle.

“This isn’t over; the train will run on...”

There was a splintering crash as a piano fell from the sky and landed on the Conductor.

The town was silent.

“Erm, can you give me a hand?” broke in the head of Doc Bones, “I fear I’ve gone to pieces here.”

The Prospector also gruntingly pushed himself out of the rubble. Somewhere in the distance came the cry of “Not again!” from the saurid throat of Ti’Rakz.

And the sun continued to beat down.

--------------------------------------------

“Another piano?”

“I like the sound,” smiled Lord Khan’Man.

“But that’s cheating!” exclaimed Lord Roob.

“Actually, I can give you the lengthy spacial and mathematical equations for how ‘The Conductor’’s constant time resets upset the balance of space and time, causing the last piano to also materialise in the present. I will give it to you, Lord Roob, you came close.”

“I hate you.”
 
@Y'ttar Scaletail sorry if you were planning the next installment, but I figured I would throw a one off story in here and Necro a nearly 5 year dead thread. This is on my mobile, so if the formatting is bad let me know.


The Fastest Little Food House in the West



Four unlikely companions ride their Culchans down the main street of Rotgut Gulch.


"Where has Ti'Rakz gotten off to now?" Asked Eli.


"He saw something shiny and rode off a few days ago." Said Doc Bones. "Don't worry, I am sure he will return in our time of need like some sort of deus ex machina."


Seemingly out of nowhere a tall man in a white suit, riding a giant rooster appeared with a great axe. He kind of looked like Mario Lopez. With one mighty swing, he beheaded all four culchans.


"Are you folks hungry? I have an original recipe that is hand slobbering good." His white hair, glasses, and cute little string tie made him seem almost friendly and approachable. However as he had just killed their mounts, the four reserved their judgement.

Felrix, a bit jumpy, drew her six and a half shooters first. Eli had his mismatched pistols out next. The Prospector held a stick of dynamite, as Doc Bones coolly loaded his gold etched Khemrin Six shooter.


"I am the Colonel of K'untuk'ee. This is my protege and sous chef, Tom David." A pudgy halfling with glasses stepped out from behind the Colonel and waved a spatula.


"Ooh! A Rango!" Tom pointed at Eli. "I heard they are born when it rains, like some kind of chubby rain. Wait, is that a Skaven? See Colonel, I told you they were real."


"Of course I'm real ya barf brained butt.." but then something snapped in Felrix' little brain. "Wait am I…"


"What did you call me? Asked Eli, slightly offended at the use of such a slur.


"You killed our rides, mister colonel, and we aim to collect our due." Doc Bones' eyes glowed red as he trained his pistol, the glyphs also glowing red, on the stranger.


"Nonsense, only the freshest of ingredients for my customers. K'untuk'ee Fried Culchan, I call it, and it is to die for." The Colonel laughed.


Shots rang out from the five guns, the Colonel spun his axe, and blocked or deflected the bullets. Tom David dug a quick hole with his spatula, and then used the spatula to manoeuvre the dynamite into the hole, and swiftly buried it. A muffled boom could be heard, and a small dust cloud formed, but the two strangers were unharmed.


"I reckon you're in for a bit more than you bargained for Colonel, over there is a posse of cowboys, probably led by our good friend."


"Well-Well that's much quick-faster than usual." Felrix began to twitch as she chugged Warp Coffee from her canteen.


Tom David lit up, "Look Colonel! A herd of Buffalo Beastmen! I can show you my idea for square burgers and really show off my grill skills"


"NO! Burgers are a fool's game. It will only attract…"


A hideous shrieking laughter pierced the air.


"Clowns." The Colonel frowned.


___________________________________


"Nice of you to finally show up Lord R'Ttig." Lord Roob croaked.


"Astral travel-projection isn't always easy, besides, I had tasks-stuff to do."


"Love the new character, what are the three heads on the mount supposed to be? Looks like a purple blob, a bird in a flight helmet, and a burglar." Asked Lord Khan.


"I am still figuring-learning the whole process." Hissed the verminlord.


"No matter, we have a small surprise for you." Lord Khan said.


"We figured out how to get stuff into your plane of existence!" Said lord Roob with a big froggy smile.


"What-what? If you can put-place things in, can you sneak-take things out?"


"Of course." Boasted Lord Khan. Lord Roob gave him a worried look. But R'Ttig and Khan each just smiled slyly.


"Here is some warp coffee coming your way." A pot of hot warp coffee dropped in front of the Verminlord and splashed a bit on his robe. "And as is tradition with these games, Undermountain Dew and Cool Ranch Warpitos." Lord Khan croaked. "Alright, we all have our separate bets, let's continue."


Lord Roob looked nervously at Khan and the projection of the Verminlord, who was voraciously shoving warpitos into his face.


____________________________________



"Kitchen Staff! Bring out the Cauldron!" Shouted the Colonel.


A group of ogres came storming out of a building pushing out a bubbling cauldron on a cart.


"Is that a cauldron of blood?" Asked Doc Bones.


"What? Why would I… of course not, it's hot oil, to fry up the culchan, as well as you folks and the clown." The Colonel face palmed and raised his axe high with his free hand.


With the giant rooster riding Colonel and his mobile kitchen to the North, and a posse of cowboys lead by an armoured clown on a three headed daemon thing to the South, the four intrepid heroes gulped in unison.


Doc Bones did a quick count, "I count 20 Cowboys, 3 Kitchen crew, Clown, Colonel, and the little fellow. Henry…"


"The Prospector, not Henry." Said Henry, the Prospector.


"You're in charge of cooking the beef, Mr. Nesz and I will take the Colonel and crew, that leaves Miss Brightfur on clown duty."


"Um… I know this is bad-bad timing, but I have a hate-fear of clowns." The skaven shook, maybe from fear, maybe from too much warp coffee.


"Well Miss Brightfur, today is the day you face your fears." Doc's eye sockets began to glow green, and the glyphs on his pistol matched the glow. "Only called shots count Mr. Nesz."


"Off the cauldron into the back of the head of the one with the fancy hat." Eli said coolly. A bullet ricocheted off of the cauldron, causing it to tip boiling oil on to one of the other Ogres, frying him almost instantly. The bullet went through the hat of the target.


"Tough luck old boy, my shot. Hmmm… off of the spatula, into the side of the head of the one with the fancy hat." Doc aimed his gun, pretended to take a deep breath, and softly pulled his trigger. "One point for me." He said nonchalantly as his target fell to the ground.


The herd of Cowboys swiftly ran around positioning themselves on balconies for some dramatic falls, behind water troughs, and on some hay bales. The clown laughed, the wings of it's Daemon mount glistened in the setting sun like two golden arches. "I am the sheriff of Rotgut Gulch. Prepare to be served"


A series of explosions went off, several of the Cowboys slumped into the troughs, exploded off of hay bales, and some flew dramatically from balconies, as the balconies exploded. Two of the Cowboys flew towards the Colonel.


“Two all beef patties coming up!” Laughed the clown.


The Colonel’s rooster expertly dodged the incoming carcasses as he rode toward Eli’Nesz.


Doc Took another shot, straight between the eyes of the last of the kitchen crew. Felrix chomped down on her cigar, and began to unload her twin pistols at the clown. The Prospector struggled to pull his pickaxe from the head of a Cowboy. Eli steadied his hands, and unloaded both of his pistols to shoot out the legs of the rooster, toppling the Colonel to the ground.


“Not the drumsticks. Those are the best sellers you fool.” The Colonel rose to his feet.


The daemon mount of the clown stumbled and fell, the three heads each had four bullet holes in them. The Clown did a somersault off of the beast and landed next to the Colonel. Tom David threw his spatula, it knocked Doc's gun from his hand. Felrix had one shot left, but the close proximity of the clown had her shaking a little too hard to aim at anything.


“Looks like your culchan is cooked.” The Colonel adjusted his glasses.


The Clown just stared at Felrix and laughed.


Felrix Screeched and shot her two half bullets wildly.


“My hat, you fool.” hissed Eli, now with 19 and 3 half holes in his hat.


“Well looky here, seems like we’re doomed.” Said the prospector puffing on his pipe and pulling on his pickaxe.


A Dragon screeched overhead and a Saurus fell out of the sky, right onto Tom David, the weight of the saurus crushing the little guy, splattering his little halfling body all over the dirt. The Colonel looked up just in time to see several Goblins flailing giant balls and chains, caving his head in.


The Clown went to laugh, just as the dragon swooped down and swallowed him whole. “Bet that thing tastes funny.” Said Ti’rakz. Nobody was laughing now.


“Wait, where did you get that thing? Where’s your Culchan?” Asked Eli.


"Um, you know, when you party with goblins, weird things just kind of happen. We were licking some toads, next thing I know, my Culchan is being chased by some sort of coyote man, then an anvil drops on the coyote guy, and then it gets hazy. I woke up just in time to fall onto that little thing.” He pointed to the splattered halfling.


A dark bearded dwarf walked out of a building. “You, you saved us from the tyranny of the fast foods. Now it is time for the tyranny of our lord and saviour Hashut…”


“Ha-Shut-up, ‘fore I blow this town sky high.” Said the Prospector.


“Wait, where did you get that hat, seems I need a new one.” Eli glared at Felrix.


“What about the clown? Is it gone for good?” Shivered Felrix puffing on her cigar.


“Clowns never really die, Miss Brightfur. It will likely respawn under your bed.” Doc Bones gave a big toothy grin to Felrix.

___________________________________

"Oh No." Said Lord Roob.

"Oh yes." Said Lord Khan.

"Why-why did it have to be that bet-wager I lost?" R'Ttig sighed.
 
Last edited:
Bowser said:
@Y'ttar Scaletail sorry if you were planning the next installment, but I figured I would throw a one off story in here and Necro a nearly 5 year dead thread. This is on my mobile, so if the formatting is bad let me know.
Click to expand...
No complaint from me. Poor Brightfur. :P

It's great to see the story continue and glad to see you somewhat back Bowser. :)
 
I did come up with 3- 1000 point lists, as you know, they're playing a good old cosmic game.

Obviously a bit of dogs of war situation, with a good mix of all the factions. I haven't played in quite some time, I have no idea how this would actually work out on the table, but you know minor details.

Chose the closest AOS model I could find, would have been a bit easier to use 8th points values, as I could find miners and mummies, but this works.

Lord Khan
Doc- Mortisan Boneshaper 135
Felrix- Warplock Engineer 125
Eli- Skink Star Priest 130
Prospector- Endrinmaster with Endrinharness 95
Ti Rax- oldblood 120
Toadlickas- Loonmasha Fanatics 130
Anti-Climactic Warp fire Dragon- 260

Lord Roob
Colonel- Manfred Von Carstein 380
Tom David- Battlesmith 125 (originally was using Crumbleberry from Blood Bowl, but decided to find an AOS alternative Grak & Crumbleberry 250,000 /1000 then divide by 2 for no Grak. )
Deep Fryer- Slaughter Queen on Cauldron- 300
Kitchen Crew- Maneaters 180

Lord R'ttig
Clown- Archaon 860 (Golden Arches... hmmm.. Golden Archaon. Makes perfect sense.)
Cow-boys- 20x Ungor 140
 
I really love the idea of making army lists for our heroes and villains. :D
I'm sure I did make Felrix on Heroforge long long ago...

I don't have many of the books to comment much, but here's a few thoughts I had:

Felrix as a Warlock Engie is probably the most fitting. The Warp Lightning Spell can reflect her firing multiple shots on top of the standard Warplock pistol, the risky damage boost effects the Warlock Engie can do on the lightning and warpblade/bowie knife can reflect her taking a shot of Warp Coffee. If she gets another spell, i'd go for either more-more-more Warp Power which gives her or a friendly Skryre unit re-rolls on hits and wounds but inflicts D3 wounds at the end of the turn (reflecting her going full caffeine mode) - which is more flavoursome than useful as it'd only affect her and each of her weapons is only 1 attack each (though you could combine with the risky boost ability to cause her knife to almost certainly do D6 wounds at the cost of up to 3 wounds on herself, or the other spell would be Chain Warp Lightning which does a single mortal wound on up to D6 different enemy units within 18" (reskinned to her crazily unloading on everything/everyone around her.)

Doc Bones probably is best as a Mortisan Boneshaper, though part of me is tempted by the idea of having him as a reskinned Briar Queen from the Nighthaunt list. As she not only has a decent rending ranged attack but a very nifty spell called howling vortex (which can be reskinned to a sandstorm) which shuts down an area of the battlefield within 18", roll 2D6 for any enemy unit within 6" of the point, if the result is greater than their move or is a double that unit takes 1 mortal wound and it's movement is halved until the caster's next hero phase.
If Doc Bones would get an extra spell i'd consider Soul Cage which prevents an enemy unit retreating and have to fight last in combat (i.e turning the ground into quicksand) or Lifestealer which inflicts D3 mortal wounds on a unit within 12" and heals that many wounds to the caster (reflecting an element of the Doc's regenerative ability) Only issue would be you would have to take the Thorns of the Briar Queen but those can just be reskinned into dust devils or the like. Though iirc Briar Queen isn't the cheapest hero at 175 points...so maybe not worth it for the list. :P

Great work Bowser, i'm a little tempted to try the list and see how badly the gang would get stomped by Archy. :P
 
Y'ttar Scaletail said:
Great work Bowser, i'm a little tempted to try the list and see how badly the gang would get stomped by Archy. :p
Click to expand...

I had a hard time with the four. My first thought for Brightfur was a small Stormfiend with rattling gun, or a reskinned Thanquol- Warpfire coffee addiction, Boneripper's weapons etc.

I think the Briar Queen would be a good Doc, if I had used the sandstorm ability, which I completely forgot about!

I stuck with unnamed heroes for the four, but could have easily gotten away with a list that looked something like:

Felrix- Thanquol- 405
Doc Bones- Briar Queen- 175
The Prospector-Brokk Grungsson- 200
Eli- Skink Starseer -145
Ti'Rakz- Old Blood on Carno- 270

They might have an easier time with Golden Archie, and Manfred.
 
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