Bastiladon
Old Mossy
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(I just copy-pasted this from an email I sent to my gaming group, so pardon if this doesn't end up being a good read/contains swear words, though I did proof read it. George is my opponent, who plays Empire. I'm Alex... nice to meet you?)
Dr Dinosaur Killer (or how I learnt to stop worrying by taking a musician)
Gather round, and listen to this freakish tale. Great things are revealed within, including some of the great questions of history, such as why dinosaurs went extinct.
Points value: 2000
Georgian Meat Snacks
Flowing Tide of Scaly Wrath
Terrain: Small roll; 2 hills, idol of gork, marsh, obstacle (see first picture below for setup)
Deployment: Alex wins roll to place, and selects to deny George his precious hill
Summary is George gets to place 3 units after all my stuff is down, so he can line up his war machines as he pleases. Chamelons then get to do the same though.
Turn 1 - LizardsEveryone moves forward (Except 1 unit of chameleons! I forgot, and now they're out of range of their target cannon ). Other chameleons take out the cannon on the hill flank. Booya!
Comet of Casandora is dispelled with the scroll, chain lightning dispelled as well. Not much else of interest.
Turn 1- Wearers of Unwashed Cloth
George is playing a gunline style, and holds everyone back... except for 1 unit of free company, that charges the skirmishers (with my priest in it) on the hill flank! Stand and shoot, AND LET THE GREAT BATTLE OF MEDIOCRITY BEGIN! I use my dispel scroll on his magic missile aimed at my stegadon. He saps my charmed shield on Old Bloody with some handgunners, and then... oh god! Cannon balls of unending sorrow! The Old Blood is torn a new venom sack, and the Carnosaur is reduced to 1 wound, which then goes well angry.
Hellblaster knocks out 4 saurus from 18 shots. Doesn't explode. Sadness. General charges chameleons and destroys them.
Battle of Mediocrity: Skink priest dies, as do 4 freecompany. Skinks hold.
Turn 2 - Lizards
Carnosaur goes wild, and charges the swordsmen; he is lamed though, and dies without eating anyone. F@$%ing weak. Ai-Deh-Deh charges free company, smacks bulk meat sack, and manages to pursue and destroy them. Chameleons nearly take out other cannon crew. Stegadon manages to take out a knight with the bow. Skrox position themselves for a support charge from the hill. Salamander decide to eat his crew, but the other 1 takes out 3 knights! Cookin beans in the tin; delicious.
Battle of Mediocrity: 2 or 3 die on each side. 2 Skink advantage. Skinks hold.
Marsh flank at end of turn
Hill flank at end of turn
You can totally take them.
Worst model ever. Worst performance ever.
Lets get em boys!
Turn 2 - Foetid Meat Sacks
Handgunners and hellblaster shoot the bejesus out of the Skrox. 10 skinks and a krox die. Remaining cannon does very little if I recall.
General rejoins tincans. Street magician pulls a rabbit out of his hobo jacket, and somehow my stegadon is now on 1 wound. Ugh. Salamander who cooked some knights gets shot up.
Battle of Mediocrity: We're now down to 4 skinks, 3 free company. What a tussle.
Turn 3 - Lizards
Starting to freak out a bit here. 1 salamander finally does some work and takes out a swath of swordsmen. Skirmishers move in behind handgunners with wizard. Aiiiii-Deh-Deh charges the handgunners, and attempts to strike at the street magician for his temerity at flaming his dino friend. The unit champion calls him out, saving the wizard, but he is beaten to death with his own face. They flee like cowards, and the skirmishers force them off the board. Great success!
Chameleons finish off the cannon crew.
Skrox retreat out of sight; weak.
Other salamander decides to eat his last friend, and then sits down in the middle of the paddock, guarding the corpses. Like a dog at his food bowl.
Both my stegadon and saurus blocks fail their charges... Derp of the Glaciers is in no rush.
Battle of Mediocrity: Aiiiieeeee! The free-company gets a few wild swings in. 2 skinks, 3 free company, left.
The great battle of mediocrity in action
Looking nice on the left flank...
Turn 3 - ... George
Swords charge the chameleons and wipe them out. Skirmishers decide this is too terrible a thought to lose their friends, and flee off the board in response. They're eaten by sharks on their way back to lustria. Because sharks and lizards are not friends.
Battle of Mediocrity update: 1 skink, 2 free company left.
Turn 4 - Lizards
ADD scar vet charges the swordsmen... because that's what you do when you see 6 ranks of swords and you're a mobile assassin-type character... Puny warpriest challenges Scar-vet. No one dies yet. Stegadon... fails his charge. AGAIN! Now he's in the way of the saurus, and they can't do squat. Brilliant. Salamander shoots up some of the spears.
Battle of Mediocrity update: 1 skink, 1 free company left! What a cliff hanger!
Turn 4 - Cabbage Growers
The warpriest is skewered on the end of ADD's halberd, but lizzies lose combat anyway. He holds. Knights charge the Saurus for a good time, and the general challenges Derp to a duel. 1 wound is dealt to each of them, 1 knight dies, and 4 saurus go down.
And here it is... the remaining free company unit charges the stegadon, manages 1 wound, and he is dead. Feck. Here's the facts: Dinosaurs went extinct because they all, inexplicably, went impotent at the same time.
Spears still do nothing.
Battle of Mediocrity finale! What will happen! .... The skink goes first..... JUDO CHOP! He finishes off the last manling. What a battle! Clearly this was the pivotal combat of the game.
You can do it, little guy!
F'ing free company. They're worse than horses.
Turn 5 - Lizards
Not looking good. Victorious skink goes and hides behind a hill. Skrox move up onto hill to get a flank charge on knights. Salamander charges the swords, but can't find a way through them. ADD and the sallie hold, despite losing combat again (3 wounds to 0 wounds + standard and ranks, but george has a musician, so he wins in a tie). Saurus die, but no knights. They hold, and challenge goes on.
Not so good on the left flank, now.
... or the right...
Turn 5 - I hate you
Free company charge the saurus, General smokes the BSB, saurus are smashed to ribbons, and get rundown. Well, that's the end of this match.
Skrox get shot to pieces by the handgunners Hellblaster misfires and explodes! Small blessings. More swords die, but not enough. The salamander flees. Lame.
Turn 6 - Lizards
Skrox charge the knights, attempting a final hail mary at the general. ... the general backhands 4 skinks, the skrox run, the knights pursue, and trample them... awesome result.
Turn 6 - Men
Cheeky free-company force my lone skirmisher into the open, who is then shot to pieces! Nice one.
End of the game.
Final Victory points:
Georgians - 2023
Lizards - 810
Men
MVP: Probably that free company unit that finished off the stegadon and the skirmisher unit.
LVP: I would say the Spear block. 35 guys just stood on the spot the entire match. Threatening, but didn't do anything more.
Lizards
MVP: Aiiiii-Deh-Deh, the mounted scar-vet. Single handedly almost annihilated George's flank, until everything went pear-shaped.
LVP: ... No surprises here, General Tssss-thssssss will not be featuring again soon against a cannon heavy army.
Fun game, could've gone very differently if those dinosaurs had made it into combat with their impact hits, but George played it pretty darn well. Don't think he did a single bad move the whole game, to be honest. A lesson learned: after 3 times drawing combat and losing because George had a musician, I'm just going to fork over the god damn 6 points next time.
Dr Dinosaur Killer (or how I learnt to stop worrying by taking a musician)
Gather round, and listen to this freakish tale. Great things are revealed within, including some of the great questions of history, such as why dinosaurs went extinct.
Points value: 2000
Georgian Meat Snacks
- * Spawn of a diseased Clan Rat / Grand Master Knight guy - General, 1+ AS, 4+ Ward, +2 Strength sword
* War Priest of Irritation - 1+ AS
* Level 1 Street Magician - dispel scroll
* Engineer
* BSB with 1+ AS
* 2 units of 12 handgunners
* 3 units of ~10 Free Company
* 9 Inner Circle TinCans (general goes here)
* 2 cannons - engineer guy on one
* 1 Hellblaster
* 34 Spears (BSB goes here) + Full Command
* 30 Sword wielding rabble (warpriest goes here) + Full Command
Flowing Tide of Scaly Wrath
- * Glorious Leader Tssss-thssssss - Old Blood on Carnosaur - 1+ AS, 5+ Ward, Charmed Shield (ignores first hit (to dodge cannon balls)), some random magic sword
* Caca-Kaka, the drunken Priest - Skink Priest, lvl 2 wiz, dispel scroll
* Derp, he of the glaciers - Scar-Vet - BSB, 2+ AS, Luckstone (1 use, re-roll armour save)
* Aiiiii-Deh-Deh, the Scarred-Veteran - mounted on cold one; halberd, dawnstone (re-roll failed armour saves) dragon helm; 1+ armour save
* Stegadon with bow
* 24 Saurus (BSB goes here) + Standard Bearer
* 22 Skinks + 2 Kroxigors + Standard Bearer
* 1 Salamander + extra snack
* 1 salamander + extra snack
* 2 x 10 Skink skirmishers
* 2 x 6 Chameleon skinks
Terrain: Small roll; 2 hills, idol of gork, marsh, obstacle (see first picture below for setup)
Deployment: Alex wins roll to place, and selects to deny George his precious hill
Summary is George gets to place 3 units after all my stuff is down, so he can line up his war machines as he pleases. Chamelons then get to do the same though.
Turn 1 - LizardsEveryone moves forward (Except 1 unit of chameleons! I forgot, and now they're out of range of their target cannon ). Other chameleons take out the cannon on the hill flank. Booya!
Comet of Casandora is dispelled with the scroll, chain lightning dispelled as well. Not much else of interest.
Turn 1- Wearers of Unwashed Cloth
George is playing a gunline style, and holds everyone back... except for 1 unit of free company, that charges the skirmishers (with my priest in it) on the hill flank! Stand and shoot, AND LET THE GREAT BATTLE OF MEDIOCRITY BEGIN! I use my dispel scroll on his magic missile aimed at my stegadon. He saps my charmed shield on Old Bloody with some handgunners, and then... oh god! Cannon balls of unending sorrow! The Old Blood is torn a new venom sack, and the Carnosaur is reduced to 1 wound, which then goes well angry.
Hellblaster knocks out 4 saurus from 18 shots. Doesn't explode. Sadness. General charges chameleons and destroys them.
Battle of Mediocrity: Skink priest dies, as do 4 freecompany. Skinks hold.
Turn 2 - Lizards
Carnosaur goes wild, and charges the swordsmen; he is lamed though, and dies without eating anyone. F@$%ing weak. Ai-Deh-Deh charges free company, smacks bulk meat sack, and manages to pursue and destroy them. Chameleons nearly take out other cannon crew. Stegadon manages to take out a knight with the bow. Skrox position themselves for a support charge from the hill. Salamander decide to eat his crew, but the other 1 takes out 3 knights! Cookin beans in the tin; delicious.
Battle of Mediocrity: 2 or 3 die on each side. 2 Skink advantage. Skinks hold.
Marsh flank at end of turn
Hill flank at end of turn
You can totally take them.
Worst model ever. Worst performance ever.
Lets get em boys!
Turn 2 - Foetid Meat Sacks
Handgunners and hellblaster shoot the bejesus out of the Skrox. 10 skinks and a krox die. Remaining cannon does very little if I recall.
General rejoins tincans. Street magician pulls a rabbit out of his hobo jacket, and somehow my stegadon is now on 1 wound. Ugh. Salamander who cooked some knights gets shot up.
Battle of Mediocrity: We're now down to 4 skinks, 3 free company. What a tussle.
Turn 3 - Lizards
Starting to freak out a bit here. 1 salamander finally does some work and takes out a swath of swordsmen. Skirmishers move in behind handgunners with wizard. Aiiiii-Deh-Deh charges the handgunners, and attempts to strike at the street magician for his temerity at flaming his dino friend. The unit champion calls him out, saving the wizard, but he is beaten to death with his own face. They flee like cowards, and the skirmishers force them off the board. Great success!
Chameleons finish off the cannon crew.
Skrox retreat out of sight; weak.
Other salamander decides to eat his last friend, and then sits down in the middle of the paddock, guarding the corpses. Like a dog at his food bowl.
Both my stegadon and saurus blocks fail their charges... Derp of the Glaciers is in no rush.
Battle of Mediocrity: Aiiiieeeee! The free-company gets a few wild swings in. 2 skinks, 3 free company, left.
The great battle of mediocrity in action
Looking nice on the left flank...
Turn 3 - ... George
Swords charge the chameleons and wipe them out. Skirmishers decide this is too terrible a thought to lose their friends, and flee off the board in response. They're eaten by sharks on their way back to lustria. Because sharks and lizards are not friends.
Battle of Mediocrity update: 1 skink, 2 free company left.
Turn 4 - Lizards
ADD scar vet charges the swordsmen... because that's what you do when you see 6 ranks of swords and you're a mobile assassin-type character... Puny warpriest challenges Scar-vet. No one dies yet. Stegadon... fails his charge. AGAIN! Now he's in the way of the saurus, and they can't do squat. Brilliant. Salamander shoots up some of the spears.
Battle of Mediocrity update: 1 skink, 1 free company left! What a cliff hanger!
Turn 4 - Cabbage Growers
The warpriest is skewered on the end of ADD's halberd, but lizzies lose combat anyway. He holds. Knights charge the Saurus for a good time, and the general challenges Derp to a duel. 1 wound is dealt to each of them, 1 knight dies, and 4 saurus go down.
And here it is... the remaining free company unit charges the stegadon, manages 1 wound, and he is dead. Feck. Here's the facts: Dinosaurs went extinct because they all, inexplicably, went impotent at the same time.
Spears still do nothing.
Battle of Mediocrity finale! What will happen! .... The skink goes first..... JUDO CHOP! He finishes off the last manling. What a battle! Clearly this was the pivotal combat of the game.
You can do it, little guy!
F'ing free company. They're worse than horses.
Turn 5 - Lizards
Not looking good. Victorious skink goes and hides behind a hill. Skrox move up onto hill to get a flank charge on knights. Salamander charges the swords, but can't find a way through them. ADD and the sallie hold, despite losing combat again (3 wounds to 0 wounds + standard and ranks, but george has a musician, so he wins in a tie). Saurus die, but no knights. They hold, and challenge goes on.
Not so good on the left flank, now.
... or the right...
Turn 5 - I hate you
Free company charge the saurus, General smokes the BSB, saurus are smashed to ribbons, and get rundown. Well, that's the end of this match.
Skrox get shot to pieces by the handgunners Hellblaster misfires and explodes! Small blessings. More swords die, but not enough. The salamander flees. Lame.
Turn 6 - Lizards
Skrox charge the knights, attempting a final hail mary at the general. ... the general backhands 4 skinks, the skrox run, the knights pursue, and trample them... awesome result.
Turn 6 - Men
Cheeky free-company force my lone skirmisher into the open, who is then shot to pieces! Nice one.
End of the game.
Final Victory points:
Georgians - 2023
Lizards - 810
Men
MVP: Probably that free company unit that finished off the stegadon and the skirmisher unit.
LVP: I would say the Spear block. 35 guys just stood on the spot the entire match. Threatening, but didn't do anything more.
Lizards
MVP: Aiiiii-Deh-Deh, the mounted scar-vet. Single handedly almost annihilated George's flank, until everything went pear-shaped.
LVP: ... No surprises here, General Tssss-thssssss will not be featuring again soon against a cannon heavy army.
Fun game, could've gone very differently if those dinosaurs had made it into combat with their impact hits, but George played it pretty darn well. Don't think he did a single bad move the whole game, to be honest. A lesson learned: after 3 times drawing combat and losing because George had a musician, I'm just going to fork over the god damn 6 points next time.
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