Discussion hey i am creating a chapter and i wana know your thoughts on it

[lizardboi123]

i am putting the entire thing in here lets go


(sorry if some stuff is written badly english is my 2nd language and some lore i do not know some stuff isnt here)

and its written like a book each chapter goes as a part of the story for example the orgin of the saurus

seraphon chapter 1 the kingdom of nezoa
in this land the old ones made the slann to rule over the seraphon the
slann were told they should rule this
land in the name of the old ones and that every thousand years a new spawning pool has to be made by the slann the slann with help of the old ones made the first spawning pool the lizardmen that came out with the slann managed to make a society and a good army to defend themselves against skaven demons ectr but thru the wars they fought the slann died and the spawning pool could not be made the old ones died aswell to the chaos gods only the skink priests who have some of the teachings of the slann so they wrote it down and the slann left some books for if they died
some of the priests decided to get all the remaining serphon and make a new spawning pool only it was not complete and they made mistakes and when it was made it was blood red and the skinks that came out had red hawks the first skink was a very tall one and then the priests decided to trap the spawning pool i n a jungle the first one decided to live there for about 20 years then when he was exploring he found the books of the slann and their teachings then he found the staff of lord mazdamundi when picked up the staff and heard a voice your people need you go to the spawning pool and take my orb with you and make a cloak with the leaves of this jungle. alright i know what to do he made a cloak took the orb of
lord mazdamundi and went to the pool and managed to get some land on a gold lump with tons of gold the other seraphon gave him some gold and he became leader of their army
they managed to ally with the other kingdom and helped defeat daemons and skaven and the teaching that he found he taught it to the other priests an discover squad was made to discover and scout land and find temples
to take the army managed to defeat an army of skaven and and daemons at the same time
and won only what happend to the skinks. in the next chapter you will find out


chapter 2
saurus



one day the priests decided to make a new spawing pool but when they were making it an army of skaven attacked and a drop of blood from the priest kixi take the diviner was dropped in the holy water that was used in the pool as normal the pool turned red but mixed with blue and the first thing that came out of it was a saurus but not a normal one a large one the muscles on it was so strong he needed rings around its tail and a rhino helmet and a giant belt with armour attached to it from the moment it was born it was made to fight

and out of that spawning pool came saurus and they managed to hold the skaven off enough time to get the saurus battle ready and fight the skaven off what happens next you see in the next chapter

chapter 3 the characters that are in this story
kixi taka the diviner the priest of this story and the leading role and leader of the starblood stalkers

klaq -trok the first saurus and leader of the saurus branch in the army of nezoa and part of the starblood stalkers

quar tor the leader of the behemoth branch of the army of nezoa

kroq gar general in the behemoth branch

Xen'phantica the slann that is brought back to life

lord kroak the slann that was found (barely) alife in his temple

huachi general in the skink branch of the army of nezoa and part of the starblood stalkers

otapl leader of the chameleon skinks and part of the starblod stalkers

Xepic part of the starblood stalkers and skink alpha within the skink branch

tok part of the starblood stalkers and skink hunter within the skink branch best friends with
xepic

lord mazdamundi the slann that kixi taka got his staff and orb from and the title the diviner

Taktak'rillo the favorite skink priest of kixi taka the diviner and lord Xen phatintica

chapter 4 hunt kill loot

whilst searching for temples to explore they found the swamp of the orcs they were not welcome there and were chased out of there after kixi and klaq got back kixi said :hey klaq we need to talk i am getting scared when we are going exploring maybe we should make a crew to be safer and find more check the army branches for candidates.
Klaq emidiatly went to work he found a few candidates for the crew huachi otapl xepic and tok. He went to kixi and he told the names these are perfect for the crew and i have a name the starblood stalkers
great ! said kixi lets tell them about it and if they wana be a part of it. After they said yes and wanted to be a part of the crew they held a meeting to tell what they were needed for

hello otapl tok huachi klaq-trok xepic you all have been summoned to be my body guards and help me fight or make decissions and guard me at all costs you shall now return to your branches when your service is needed you will be brought to me understood questions

everyone: no we understand and wana help.

after some time passes they were called to kixi taka the diviner for a mission

xepic: what is the mission

kixi taka: we are gona search for temples for teachings what they left there lets go

the starblood stalkers went in the jungle in secret and after a few hours of searching they found a temple belonging to Xen'phantica they found his books and what he left there and took it back to the vault where all the found teachings are stored and saved. alright said kixi you have all done a splendid job this is one of the uses of the crew and to protect me of course get back to your branches and make me proud Yes my lord and they went to their branches. kixi called for Taktak'rillo to look at the new teachings they found in the temple

taktak look at this the starblood stalkers found this Taktak said : what for books did they find and what slann did this temple belong to?
Kixi taka: the books where from lord xen phantica and also his temple whats wrong Xen'phantica ? well before the redhawks came and most of the slann were alive i was serving under him and we made these books years ago and i know more i was his favorite priest i know how to bring him back to life and more kixi you never had a slann why dont you serve under him when he is back to life ?

kixi: yea sure why not lets see what you and him made here.


chapter 5 lord xen phantica

kixi we no time left to spare get as much skinks or life that you can get here we need to sacrifice 300 lifes to bring him back.

what 300 lifes does it matter what lifes skaven orruk skinks?

no skaven slaves is the best idea we have lots of them in the dungeon right ?

yes we do lets get them we need some protection get the whole army to obey him.

They summoned the whole army of nezoa and 300 skaven slaves the slaves got killed and there he was in his glory the whole army got on their knees including the priests everyone bowed in his onour the 2 priests that brought him back told him a recap of what has happend in the last 100 years
lord Xen'phantica: who are you 2 that brought me back here? we are kixi taka the diviner and Taktak'rillo lord. taktak ofcourse i remember you and kixi mazdamundi was talking about you you can bring him back to life and i will help strenght this society with mazdamundi we will conquer all of our enemies.

chapter 6 religion

lord xen we have a few questions about a few things said taktak'rillo what are the saurus and skinks and kroxigor gona do on the end of their life cycle Xen : let them kill theirselves in their corresponding spawning pool.

Alright if you say so we will say that to some that are almost at the end of their cycle.

And another question how do we get razordon and salamander eggs ? and when is the behemoth spawning pool gona get created ?

Xen: the eggs i can create the spawning pool tho need some time did you have more questions ?
taktak'rillo: yes we have a problem with the kroxigor that are born you see when they are born they are wild they wana slaughter every living creature thats in their path and their heads are red what do we do about that

Xen: the chameleons recently developed a toxin to knock any creature out for a few hours what we can do is knock them out and tie them to a table with restrains held by magic until their aggresion is less..... dangerous and if its too much poke them with the sharpest spears and care for the wound pokes that should do it.

and we need some saurus guard to guard me We don’t need this to happen to a kroxigator or saurus because then we are dead good tool for war but bad if turned to chaos because they are more likely. To turn to chaos especially khorne since they want blood there they can get it anyways move on with the sacrifices. Kixi: but what’s gonna happen to this alpha then ? Taktak: we are gonna observe him then we will train him to be an alpha then we will warn the rest in that unit and let them capture new land. A star priest: hey it’s happening again but this time it’s with a kroxigator. Kixi: that’s bad send some chameleons there and some skink caretakers poke him like we usually do maybe the chameleons can stop him then we are safe and inform lord xen about this. Kixi: let’s do the rest of the rituals quick then we will go back to what we are doing.

CHAPTER 7 the great southern war

 

[Killer Angel]

I really struggle to follow the synopsis. You don't really need to tell us all the names and pieces of dialogues, it would be better a straight summary.

Anyway, i like the starting idea, with the Slanns dead and the skink priests that must save the day, trying to restart somehow the spawning pools. I think you should do more of that, with tries, failures and marginal successes, making it a fight for the survival of Seraphon.

 

[lizardboi123]

I really struggle to follow the synopsis. You don't really need to tell us all the names and pieces of dialogues, it would be better a straight summary.

Anyway, i like the starting idea, with the Slanns dead and the skink priests that must save the day, trying to restart somehow the spawning pools. I think you should do more of that, with tries, failures and marginal successes, making it a fight for the survival of Seraphon.

hey i was gona make some edits anyway since i thought it was kinda cheesy thanks for this advice and i am gona post an update once its done

 

[lizardboi123]

I really struggle to follow the synopsis. You don't really need to tell us all the names and pieces of dialogues, it would be better a straight summary.

Anyway, i like the starting idea, with the Slanns dead and the skink priests that must save the day, trying to restart somehow the spawning pools. I think you should do more of that, with tries, failures and marginal successes, making it a fight for the survival of Seraphon.

and what does synopsis mean english is my second language

 

[Killer Angel]

and what does synopsis mean english is my second language

Basically a plot summary. To be fair, it's a definition more used for movies.

 

[lizardboi123]

hey i recently finished up some more chapters should i post them ?

 

[Killer Angel]

yep, go for it

 

[lizardboi123]

here it is

 

[lizardboi123]

Seraphon Summary: Kingdom of Nezoa


In this land, the Old Ones made the Slann rule over the Seraphon. The Slann were told they should rule this land in the name of the Old Ones, and that every thousand years, a new spawning pool had to be made by the Slann. The Slann, with the help of the Old Ones, made the first spawning pool. The Lizardmen that came out with the Slann managed to make a society and a good army to defend themselves against Skaven, demons, etc. But through the wars they fought, the Slann died and the spawning pool could not be made. The Old Ones died as well to the Chaos gods. Only the Skink priests, who have some of the teachings of the Slann, wrote it down, and the Slann left some books for if they died.


Some of the priests decided to get all the remaining Seraphon and make a new spawning pool. However, it was not complete, and they made mistakes. When it was made, it was blood red, and the Skinks that came out had red hawks. The first Skink was very tall. Then, Kixi Taka made a huge mess killing hundreds of Skinks, Saurus, and 1 Kroxigor, so the priests trapped the spawning pool and him in the jungle. During that time, the spawning pool lay dormant for 20 years, and Kixi Taka made a small hut for himself and lived off of the insects that were in the jungle.


One day, while exploring, he found the books of the Slann and their teachings. Then, he found the staff of Lord Mazdamundi. When he picked up the staff, he heard, "Your people need you to go to the spawning pool and take my orb with you and make a cloak with the leaves of this jungle." "Alright, I know what to do," he made a cloak, took the orb of Lord Mazdamundi, went to the pool, and removed the trap. And saw the priests that had kicked him out, he yelled, "HEY, I'M BACK!" The priests were in shock from what they saw. They saw Kixi Taka with the orb of Mazdamundi and the holy staff of Azyr with Mazdamundi's gem of power in it, and he had some of his books. He managed to convince the priests to give him some land, and that piece of land was on a giant golden meteorite which was full of Azyrite energy, gold, iron, and other resources.



Chapter 1: Saurus


One day, the priests decided to make a new spawning pool, but when they were making it, an army of Skaven attacked, and a drop of blood from the priest Kixi taka the diviner was dropped into the holy water that was used in the pool. As normal, the pool turned red, but mixed with blue, and the first thing that came out of it was a Saurus, but not a normal one, a large one. The muscles on it were so strong it was almost like a kroxigor a rhino helmet, and a giant belt with armor attached to it. From the moment it was born, it was made to fight.


And out of that spawning pool came more who were given every weapon which they had left Saurus, and he managed to hold the Skaven off enough time to get the Saurus battle ready and fight the Skaven off.



Chapter 1 Hunt Kill Loot


Whilst searching for temples to explore, they found the swamp of the orcs. They were not welcome there and were chased out of there. After Kixi and Klaq got back, Kixi said, "Hey, Klaq, we need to talk. I am getting scared when we are going exploring. Maybe we should make a crew to be safer and find more. Check the army branches for candidates."


Klaq went to work, he found a few candidates for the crew: Huachi, Otapl, Xepic, and Tok. He went to Kixi, and he told me the names are perfect for the crew, and I have a name for the Star Blood Stalkers. "Great!" said Kixi, "let's tell them about it and if they want to be a part of it." After they said yes and wanted to be a part of the crew, they held a meeting to tell them what they were needed for.


"Hello, Otapl, Tok, Huachi, Klaq-took, Xepic, you all have been summoned to be my bodyguards and help me fight or make decisions and guard me at all costs. You shall now return to your branches, and when your service is needed, you will be brought to me. Understood?" questions Kixi.


Everyone replied, "No, we understand and want to help."


After some time passed, they were called to Kixi Taka, the diviner, for a mission.


Xepic asked, "What is the mission?"


Kixi Taka replied, "We are gonna search for temples for teachings that they left there. Let's go!"


The Star Blood Stalkers went into the jungle in secret, and after a few hours of searching, they found a temple belonging to Xen'phantica. They found his books and what he left there and took them back to the vault where all the found teachings are stored and saved. "Alright," said Kixi, "you have all done a splendid job. This is one of the uses of the crew and to protect me, of course. Get back to your branches and make me proud. Yes, my lord." They went to their branches. Kixi called for Taktak'rillo to look at the new teachings they found in the temple.


"Taktak, look at this. The Star Blood Stalkers found this," said Kixi.


Taktak replied, "What books did they find, and what slann did this temple belong to?"


Kixi Taka answered, "The books were from Lord Xen Phantica and his temple. What's wrong, Xen'phantica?"


"Well, before the Redhawks came, and most of the slann was alive, I was serving under him, and we made these books years ago. And I know more. I was his favorite priest. I know how to bring him back to life and more. Kixi, you never had a slann. Why don't you join him?" asked Xen'phantica.


Kixi replied, "No, that will not be possible since I got my priest staff orb and armor from Mazdamundi. If I'm serving a slann, it's him."


Chapter 3: Lord Xen Phantica


"Kixi, we have no time left to spare. Get as many skinks or life as you can get here. We need to sacrifice 300 lives to bring him back," commanded Xen'phantica.


"What 300 lives? Does it matter, Skaven, daemons, orruks, skinks?" asked Kixi.


"No, skinks and saurus, we need those," replied Xen'phantica.


"We do not have that amount of numbers," said Kixi.


"Yes, but then more than half of our armies are dead," replied Xen'phantica.


They summoned the whole army of Nezoa and brought 150 skinks, 120 saurus, 20 kroxigor, and 10 behemoths.


"Who are you two that brought me back here?" "We are Kixi Taka the Divine and Taktak'rillo, Lord Taktak. Taktak, of course, I remember you, and Kixi Taka, I do not know you. This society is falling apart. These are some ground rules you need to do ASAP:


Every month, you go to each spawning pool with one of the strongest Skinks, Saurus, Kroxigors, Stegadon, etc.

We split the army among generals. Every general controls, for example, 1 unit of Skinks and 20 Saurus, and 1 Bastiladon, for example.

When new land is taken, we make a few outposts there and place 2 generals there to build it up into a temple city, all overseen by a Star Priest. Then, when it's finished, we create spawning pools there and make it into a temple city.

These are the most important rules. FOLLOW THEM AT ALL COSTS.


Chapter 4: Bloodborne


Kixi Taka and Taktak were doing their blood sacrifice when, during the Skink blood ritual, a Skink was born where the blood and body were in the pool. The Skink grew muscles more than the rest (in Kixi's mind): "This must be alpha, but why are the eyes red and the hawk's blood red? OH NO, RUN!" Taktak and Kixi were running from the savage Skink when some Chameleon Skinks saw the commotion and prepared their blowpipes. When they saw the 2 priests running and a savage Skink behind them, they shot (non-lethal) and knocked the savage Skink out. When they strapped the Skink to a Kroxigor table, they observed the savage Skink (Taktak'rillo, Kixi Taka, and Lord Xen).


Xen: "What is this type of Skink?"

Kixi: "We don't know. We did our blood ritual, and a Skink was born at that moment and absorbed the body and blood as we dropped it in the pool to be absorbed by the pool. Then it went savage and started chasing us until we found the Chameleon Skinks who knocked him out, and now we are here learning about it."

Xen: "I shall inspect it." (In mind): "This should not be a Skink. It has particles of chaos in it, and it is made for war, perfect for an alpha. Maybe it turns to chaos, not a risk I'm willing to take."


(Back to the mortal realms) "Okay, this thing is suitable for war, but watch out with it. When it turns savage, it will try to kill everything around it, so when it turns wild, all the Skinks or Seraphon that's near it needs to run from it until it's dead or it is killed everything around it."



Chapter 5 them crooked Colonists


Lord Xen called a council of the Seraphon generals to discuss the looming war against the Cities of Sigmar. The generals arrived one by one, each bringing their army and advisors to the council. Kixi Taka and Taktak'Rillo were among them, along with the Star Priest and Skink Priest, who had been studying the savage skink discovered in the previous chapter.


Lord Xen stood at the head of the table, surrounded by maps of the region and reports from scouts and spies. "We must prepare ourselves for the coming war," he said, his voice echoing in the council chamber. "The Cities of Sigmar are gathering their armies, and they will not hesitate to strike at us when they are ready."


The other generals murmured in agreement, and Lord Xen continued. "We must fortify our defenses and gather our armies. We will need every skink, saurus, and kroxigor we can muster."


One of the generals spoke up. "What about the beasts? The carnosaurs and stegadons? Will we be using them?"


Lord Xen nodded. "Yes, we will. But we must be careful with them. They are powerful, but also wild and unpredictable. We cannot risk losing control of them in battle."


Kixi Taka raised her hand. "What about the skinks? Will they be fighting as well?"


Lord Xen smiled. "Of course. The skinks are our scouts and skirmishers. They will harass the enemy and soften them up for our heavier units. And the chameleon skinks will be invaluable for their stealth and surprise attacks."


Taktak'Rillo leaned forward. "What of the cities themselves? How will we siege them?"


Lord Xen tapped a spot on the map. "We will strike here, at the city of Hammerhal. It is the largest of the cities and the most heavily defended. But it is also the most vulnerable, as it sits on the edge of the jungle. We will cut off their supply lines and starve them out. And when they are weak and desperate, we will strike."


The council continued late into the night, as the generals discussed strategy and tactics, and the priests conferred on the best ways to harness the power of the stars and the realms. As dawn approached, Lord Xen dismissed the council, and the generals dispersed to their armies to begin their preparations for war.