Contest July-August Short Story Contest Reading Thread

So since everyone else has covered most of the things I would have mentioned in any review. I decided to outsource my reviews to a couple of the news anchors from the Farqueeker Underground Radio. Gitstompa the sports reporter and Ikkit Snowscoop Weather-rat and pilot of the station's warpcopter.


Gitstompa: Gitstompa 'ere and wiv me today iz Ikkit Snowscoop.

Ikkit: Why-why did I agree to do this?

Gitstompa: So wez readin sum lit-reach-'er...Oh zog, dis iz werdz...'ow many teef iz we gettin paid ta do dis?

Ikkit: It scent-reads here that if we don-don't do it we'll get-get demoted. It took-took me a long-long time to murder-stab to ratguy in the sky-sky...

Gitstompa: ...Alrite I don wunna be da mic crew again so letz do dis fing...


Story One:

Gitstompa: Hurhur corse dem beardies got krumped gud!

Ikkit: Those dwarf-things clear-clearly had their advantage take-taken away by those winged elf-things. It’s funny-strange how the lizard-things didn’t have some kind of translator so the Dwarf-things could understand them? I sent mean even fool-things like Gitstompa here can understand some-some kind of basic signals.

Gitstompa: Yoo wot?

Ikkit: Well may-maybe not Gitstompa. In any-any case I scent-liked how this story-thing was set out, diary-things are good-great for getting a glimpse-thing into the mind-meat. The alliance-thing was interesting too.

Gitstompa: I liked all da krumpin speshalli on da stunties.



Story Two:

Gitstompa: Flowers?! Wot da zog? Dis iz rite pansie like dem elves.

Ikkit: I’m not-not sure I scurry-followed this one. Normally hurt-maimed Skaven are quickly eat-slain or scent-find another way to be better. Let-letting this scale-thing survive is a drain on resources.

Gitstompa: Bet ‘e culd still beat yoo in a fite. I mean dey iz growing fings dat dey can eat, I guess dat iz sumfing dat wun arm can do. I’d ‘ave ripped off da arm from another git and got a dok ta stitch it where me old wun woz. But dese boyz ain’t green so iz unnerstanable.

Ikkit: I don’t get-get scale-things...



Story Three:

Gitstompa: Datz more like it! Cor wot a fite dat 'uge lizzie wuld make! Now I wish dey wuld giz me a wyvern den I culd do more krumpin...erm I meanz betta sportz reportin....yeah dat...

Ikkit: And this-this is why we have Warp-Warp Lightning Cannons. Kill-fry big-things yes-yes! Ah, Clan Moulder would want-wish to study such a lizard-thing though.

Gitstompa: Da icing on da shroom woz dat lotz more stunties got krumped! I like dese stories so far!

Ikkit: No Skaven yet-yet. But that giant lizard-thing was...impressive.



Story Four:

Gitstompa: Er yoo tellin me itz not normal ta ‘av some creepy voice in yer ‘ead tellin yoo ta krump fings?

Ikkit: ...So for the res-rest of the review-things I’m sit-sitting over here...

Gitstompa: Dat Krenn-qu wuld be fun ta fite, dat iz sum strength dat iz ta lift up dat dead rattie. Corse I culd do bettah...I’z jus not feelin’ it iz all...

Ikkit: I don’t like daemon-things, no-no. But the power-thing one could scent-give...might-might be nice. Also fin-finally Skaven and some cleaver-smart tactics. Shame-shame they didn’t scent-use poisoned wind...



Story Five:

Ikkit: Dead-things? No-no like dead-things.

Gitstompa: Dem skellies and moaning boyz iz boring ta fite gud fer in-door-antz but not dat fun. Den again dem sick ratties iz da same and dey cheat wiv poison.

Ikkit: Disease. Pestilens scent-uses disease.

Gitstompa: Anyway da fite ere woz akshulli well done, but imagine gettin krumped by a rattie...

Ikkit: Didn’t you get beat-beaten in an arm-thing wrestle with that lime-thing?

Gitstompa: Shut it Ikkit!



Story Six:

Gitstompa: Waaagh! Diz iz more like it, Ikkit. Propa boyz even tho dey ‘ave dat weird Orrik name.

Ikkit: Of course stupid Orc-thing seer exploded, you green-things are worse than Skryre...

Gitstompa: Ah but wot a fite it woz in dis story. A propa Boy needz ta be kunnin but fighty...or woz it fighty but kunnin?

Ikkit: And af-after all that the green-things don’t even take-steal the orb-thing. Fool-meat.



Story Seven:

Ikkit: And this-this is why you cannot work-work with inferior races.

Gitstompa: Oi! Ikkit, don’t we werk togetta?

Ikkit: ...I hate-hate you so much...

Gitstompa: Hurrhurr, anyway dis ere ‘alliance’ woz a blast, mostly cos dey all krumped each utther. See if dis woz Orcs we wuld ‘ave krumped everyone including da scale boyz.

Ikkit: Pity-shame, if they had followed the superior Skaven they might-may have lived...well the Skaven would have...



Story Eight:

Gitstompa: Wot? Whyz dat weirdboy makin a deal wiv dem scalies rather den ‘ave a fite a gud propa fite against da oddz?

Ikkit: Because the stupid green-things would have lost-lost.

Gitstompa: Yoo zoggin idiot Ikkit, Orcs nevah looz! If wez win wez win, if wez die wez die, if wez run away datz jus coz wez gunna get more boyz ta krump dem gitz bettah!

Ikkit: Sure-sure, whatever you say-squeak. I scent-wonder if it’s possible to summon-control the snake-thing god and corrupt it with Warpstone? Scent-make it turn-turn on the scale-things...


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Gitstompa: Oi, Ikkit! I fink wez finalli dun. Dis reedin ‘az made me ‘ead urt.

Ikkit: Beat-beats being caught in a storm while-whilst a swarm of flying elf-things try to slay-eat you...

Gitstompa: Oooh dat soundz fun, letz do dat!

Ikkit: No-no put me down!

Gitstompa: Nah Ikkit, wez goin fer a WAAAGH!!!

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But yes, the stories in this compy were very well written as per the norm. Nicely done everyone!

 

Was almost tempted to voice it, but last time I did the two together it was a bit taxing on the vocal cords.

 

Fun way of a review

Two stories on a tie for the win, just 6 days left of voting.

Grrr, Imrahil

 

Let's go Chaos Dwarf story!!!

 

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned the story that features Tomb Kings, though it does present them a antagonists rather than protagonists

 

Hardly a surprise as I'm going off of the story titles alone (I have not actually read any of them). Story #7 includes the Chaos Dwarf mention in the title, thus garnering my favour and support.

 

Thank you for joining us in the 27th Wacky Story Race around Alliance Hills. What a race it has been! As they approach the final turns in front is the Creepy Coupe...but the Arkansas Chuggabug has put on more speed and has moved up to level...but what is this? The Red Max in the Crimson Haybaler is closing the distance too! These drivers are giving it all, and there's still no sign of the Mean Machine! Ladies and gentlemen, this could be a photo finish!

 

A Wacky Races reference?? Nice!

I'm sure Dick Dastardly will sneak his way into the top three

 

Well the 00 Mean Machine was clearly the best car and Dastardly was ironically the best driver given how he'd always get in front of the other cars just to waste time setting up traps. And the one time he legitimately won was somehow called as cheating...
But yeah, I just went with three of my favourite racers (though picking favourites (discounting Dick Dastardly) is always hard.)

 

13 voters is okay, I guess...

I was kind of hoping that between myself, @NIGHTBRINGER, @Paradoxical Pacifism and a special guest appearance on the PR front from @Killer Angel that we would have more than that.

It's kind of what I use to measure the success of the PR campaigns.

 

No matter how much it is advertised (or how well it is advertised), it will always remain a niche of a niche of a niche. Most hobbyists are simply not interested in fan-fiction fluff. Not only is interest limited, but it requires a greater investment of time to read, as compared to a picture of a paintjob which you can be taken in and appreciated in a span of a few seconds.

On the flip side though, the people who are into it are VERY passionate and dedicated! A small but highly dedicated group isn't such a bad thing.

 

Some great stories once again! Time for my thoughts:

Story 1: As a big fan of Dwarfs, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one! Our first AoS story this time round, it centres around the log entries written by a down-on-his-luck Kharadron captain, who contends with as varied foes as Grotbag Scuttlers, Ogres and another captain that annoys the hell out of him on his next profiteering venture - setting up a trading post in the middle of a mountain range. When he arrives at the border fort, his crew are met with silence and dead Freeguilders, but it doesn't take them long to meet the perpetrators of this crime - the Lizardmen, obviously as part of the Great Plan they are keeping to themselves. Seeing the Dwarfs as a threat, they swarm the Ironclad, and while they are gunned down in droves, the mass shooting they gradually drains the Skyvessel's fuel. In desperation the crew manage to invent a translator to help them converse with the Lizardmen, who call a truce and invite the Dwarfs to aid them against the vile Daughters of Khaine, who have been besieging the fort for weeks. Sadly this proves to be their undoing, as the captain's bodyguard of Grundstok Thunderers is slaughtered, and though he is rescued by his remaining crew, his ship is destroyed with shadow magic not long afterwards, with only the captain himself and his Endrinmaster surviving. The story finally shifts to the Lord-Magnate of Barak Mhornar, having just read the last of the captain's log, who resolves to aid the Lizardman forces in retaking the border fortress, ironically choosing the annoying captain to lead a renewed expedition.

A beautifully dark piece, with the story gradually killing the Kharadron crew off until only the captain and his faithful Endrinmaster are left, before they perform a heroic last stand defending their vessel against the enemy. The author has captured the conflicting themes of the Kharadron very well, with some aspects of the main characters harking back to their landbound ancestors (their courage, their grudge-bearing and tendency to grumble), and others highlighting their newfound mercenary, business-obsessed culture (the captain's oppenness to dealing with other races so long as he benefits from it, fascination with science over religion, the Lord-Magnate showing little respect for the deceased captain's memory by sending his hated rival to complete his mission, so long as the profit comes in). Also whoever wrote this one is a bit of a Trekkie to have parodied the franchise's "Captain's Log" reports and "stardates", as well as the advent of the translator to aid in communication between the races involved. What's more, an alliance between Kharadron and Lizardmen is without a doubt an unusual one, fitting the contest theme perfectly. A clever and exciting piece.


Story 2: A more lighthearted piece, this one centres around a Saurus Warrior mourning the loss of his right arm, making him near-useless in battle, and hoping for a quick death and burial in the gravesite for those nameless Lizards that did not achieve a noteworthy status. He encounters a Kroxigor who puts him on his shoulders and takes him for a ride up a hill and into the garden that he tends. Putting him down again, he suggests the Saurus take on a new career as a gardener, and teaches him how to plant seeds, water them and help them to grow into new plant life. The Saurus, with his military brain, initially succeeds only in causing havoc, but by using his mindset to equate the plants to his own Saurus legions, he learns to organise the former in the same way as he used to command the latter and, ultimately, find peace with his shame and develop a new life for himself, just like the seeds he planted.

My main problem with this one is that it barely has any relevance to the contest theme - while we more often see Skinks working with Kroxigors than Saurus, both Saurus and Kroxigor are still Lizardmen and are still united in their duty to serve the Old Ones, meaning this allegiance is hardly 'unusual'. However, that still doesn't stop it from being a nice little tale that taps into the little-before-seen relationship between Kroxigors and Saurus, and alludes to what might happen if a Lizardman had survived a battle injury that still rendered him unable to fulfil his alotted duty to the Great Plan.


Story 3: Another story featuring Dwarfs and Lizardmen, this time as enemies in the world of Warhammer Fantasy. We get to know the Skink Priest Holotl as he leads a Lizardman raiding force to take out a Dwarf outpost in the mountains beyond the northern fringes of the jungle, who enlists the services of a 'lone' Ranger - lone, that is, except for the Thunder Lizard he rides into battle. With this added muscle leading the charge, the Lizardmen surge into and annihilate the initial Dwarf battleline and force them to retreat back to their mountain hold. However, the Dawi are no pushover, as the Thunder Lizard is soon to find out when a cannon fusillade sends the beast tumbling back down the gorge through which it came. The Lizardmen are forced to retreat, and regroup at their camp on the other side of the river to plot their next move, all of them except the Ranger, who goes on a crusade to infiltrate a new camp the Dwarfs have built in the jungle to rescue his beloved Thunder Lizard, who survived the fall but was captured and immobilised by the Third Race. While he himself is captured in the attempt, his allies are not far behind and reach the Dwarf camp in time to save the Ranger and help him free the Thundrr Lizard with no small amount of help from the Lore of Heavens.

What an action-packed story! Reading this one honestly feels like playing one of those fantasy RTS games like Dragonshard or Warcraft III, where I can imagine the cutscenes in a campaign battle featuring a story like this and you're tasked with missions such as freeing the Thunder Lizard and destroying the Dwarf base. The idea of the Lizardmen using the Bastiladon's Solar Engine as a signalling device when not in battle is very well-thought-out, and I can just imagine each Temple City having one of these mounted on its walls now for signalling in Lizardman Morse Code. Other highlights include referencing the spells the Skink Priest cast in the story directly from the Warhammer Rulebook and the to-and-fro tide of battle making the conclusion uncertain until the very end, as battle stories should be in order to generate maximum suspense and excitement. My only quibbles are that I'd debate the probability that Urannon's Thunderbolt could be used to successfully revive a Thunder Lizard from a coma (and that Lizardmen would know about the modern medical technique of using electricity to revive someone), and that while a Thunder Lizard isn't something you'd see every day in a Lizardman army, it still isn't particularly 'unusual' for Lizardmen to join forces with one, given that it appears frequently in Lizardman lore. Nevertheless, this is still a great story with action and emotion aplenty.


Story 4: An unusual but fascinating story is our next entry. We meet a Saurus Oldblood in combat against a horde of Chaos Daemons. In short order he reaches the Herald of Khorne commanding the army and beheads the Creature after a quick duel - seemingly ‘job done, time to go home’ for the Lizardmen. Yet the story is far from over - to the Oldblood’s irritation and annoyance, at the moment of death his Daemonic foe left his dying body and entered that of the Saurus, possessing him with a malign intelligence that constantly battles his existing mind for control of his body. Initially he plans to kill him self to rid himself of the Daemon, but the creature cunningly reminds him his duty is to protect his Temple City, and to commit suicide would be a dishonourable death. So it is that during a battle against the Skaven, the Saurus allows a Hell Pit Abomination to crush him under its enormous bulk, while at the same time planting two spears wielded by his fallen Spawn-Kin into the ground to impale the Abomination in return. Seemingly having his wish to die honourably granted, this enrages the Daemon, who infuses the Oldblood with strength enough to free himself from the monstrous corpse on top of him, allowing him become a hero in the eyes of his people, but also allowing the Daemon to remain within his head.

For much of this piece, while the idea of possession by a Chaos Daemon was interesting, it didn't feel like an allegiance, more that the Daemon was simply controlling the Saurus, so doesn’t fit the Contest theme as well as some of the others. However, the scene with the Daemon saving the Lizardman's life from being squashed out of him by the Hell Pit Abomination changed that, and shows that as they become used to one another, the Daemon gradually views the Lizardman more and more as a comrade than an enslaved enemy - given that he had the capability of possession in the first place, he could easily have left the Saurus' body after his death and possessed another host, perhaps another Saurus or even reanimating the dead Abomination, yet he stayed and gave the Lizardman renewed strength. What’s more, another clever plot point is that as the Daemon remains in the Oldblood’s head and is quite happy to let the Oldblood do his job so long as he keeps killing things, the Daemon ultimately becomes an agent of Order rather than Chaos - after all, Khorne cares not from whom the blood flows, only that it does. This near-neutrality on Khorne’s part may well be the reason the author chose specifically for the Daemon to be a Khorne Herald, making this piece all the more intelligent.


Story 5: A short but snappy piece, this one. While we are met with the familiar fare of Lizardmen fighting Skaven, the Lizardman force comprises not just the living, but also the dead - Undead Saurus, Skinks and Kroxigors commanded by a renegade Skink Priest who holds a different view of the Great Plan to the rest. The Saurus Oldblood leading the living Lizards despises the Priest and aims to return to fighting his abhorrent legions once the Skaven threat is ended, but after being mortally wounded in the act of killing the Plague Priest commander of the Skaven horde, he ultimately ends up serving him as just one more of the Legion of the Damned Lizards.

A deliciously grimdark story indeed! The idea of Undead Lizardmen has barely been discussed on this forum, and is brought chillingly to (un)life in this tale as part of what is definitely an unusual alliance. Yet probably the best part of the piece is when the Oldblood is resurrected to join those Spawn-brothers killed alongside him, and though retaining his sentience, has his vision drained of all colour and his voice slurred into a Zombie-esque moan. I don't think I've ever seen an author try to imagine what it must be like to be Undead before, and they pull it off with finesse. Excellent stuff!


Story Six: A Lizardman warband begins exploring an ancient stone temple in search of treasures that would be useful in aiding the progress of the Great Plan. Soon, however, they discover they are not alone, spotting some crude glyphs from the tongue of a race completely different from their own daubed on one wall. It’s not long before they get into a fight with a band of Bonesplitterz Orcs who were enacting a ritual at the temple’s altar to try and harness the power of an ancient orb. In typical Orcy fashion, this goes awry with messy consequences, prompting the Greenskins to panic and retreat and giving the Lizardmen a chance to seize the orb for themselves. However, this boon turns into a curse as the sorcerous explosion from the miscast triggers the awakening of the temple’s defenders - a vast skeletal legion serving the Tomb Kings and a Tomb Scorpion, all of whom had been entombed within its walls - who now block the interlopers’ escape. Initially the Lizardmen plan to fight both foes to the death one after the other, but a most un-Orcy parlay from the Savage Bigboss prompts both bands of trespassers to work together to escape the temple alive.

A classic adventure story with three of the more interesting races of the Warhammer World/Mortal Realms. My only quibbles here are that I would suggest the author read a few more Orc/Orruk stories to better capture the way Warhammer Greenskins speak, and research how Tomb Kings are represented in the Mortal Realms, because despite the AoS name conventions this story fits more into Warhammer Fantasy. Tomb Kings are awesome, without a doubt, but GW made no effort to develop them in the Mortal Realms and didn't include them in any official stories or background, so I would have looked up how fans have incorporated them into the setting, such as my own Nehekros Imperishables faction which sets them on a different direction entirely in the AoS setting. Maybe the author did use Tyler Mengel's Tomb Kings battletome as a reference, which just copy-pastes them into AoS without doing anything different with them, it's uncertain. However, one of the better stories of the pack nonetheless - Lizardmen allying with Greenskins is a particularly unusual alliance, that fits in this case where the Tomb Kings want both warbands dead.


Story Seven: This tale sounds like the start of a pub joke, but is far more serious than that. The eponymous three characters are each being pursued by Skink hunters after becoming stranded in the Lustrian jungle, until they all end up in the same jungle clearing battling the Lizardmen, whereupon, once their combined efforts see them triumphant, they notice each other for the first time. Both the Chaos Dwarf and Dark Elf see each other as the immediate threat and ignore the scrawny, fawning Skaven, and though they initially make a plan to flee the jungle, it soon degenerates into both of them aiming to kill the other. While the Elf has the initial advantage of speed and agility, this soon counts for naught when the Skaven leaps onto his back, distracting him long enough for the Dwarf to behead him. The Ratman then feigns allegiance, but the Chaos Dwarf has none of it and takes advantage of the Skaven's injured leg to grab him while he is helpless and throttle him to death. Thinking he's won, the Dawi Zharr attempts to make tracks, but finds some injuries inflicted by the dying Skaven getting more and more painful. By the time he realises the Skaven had scratched him with stolen Lizardman darts, all he can do is fall to the ground and join his two rivals in death.

A fantastic piece, the author has done an excellent job at capturing the different worldviews, fighting styles and politics of the three villain races, and handled the idea of having all three betraying, fighting and killing each other realistically, all the while ensuring that the Lizardmen are still the real masters of the jungle. What's more, the way the three protagonists all had to somehow kill each other, with all three deaths making sense, was very well planned-out, and must have taken a while to design in a way that looked believable. Without a doubt a solid entry here.


Story 8: Another Greenskin story, this time with them as part protagonists, and trying to infiltrate a Lizardman temple city before the reptilian denizens awake. The old Shaman Gromglut and his apprentice, Dolgork, cast a cloaking spell around themselves to ensure the sentries of the Temple City would not spot them, but as soon as they reach the foot of the pyramid they intend to climb, they’re apprehended by a regiment of Temple Guard, who leniently take them alive to the Skink Priest Yuq'al-takuil, who leads them to the top of the temple, where a sacrificial shrine awaits them. Curiously Gromglut and the Skink have made a prior agreement - to sacrifice the Orc Shaman’s apprentice, without his knowledge. As the unwilling Dolgork has his heart torn from his chest, we are taken to a battlefield far from the city, where the Orcs are fighting a losing war against the hordes of Chaos that are spewing forth from a portal inside the maw of a giant worm. All seems lost, until a great sorcerous wind slaughters all the Chaotic Legions and destroys their portal, leaving just the bemused Greenskins alive. The last act of the ritual is for the Lizardmen to kill Gromglut too, his own sacrifice also contributing to the magical force that destroys the Chaos army.

This is a particularly interesting tale, which portrays the Greenskins more like the ‘noble savage’ Orcs from the Warcraft universe, allying with the Lizardmen to take down the ‘bigger bad’ of Chaos. A pretty dark story too, with both Orc main characters dying to rid the realm they were in of the Chaos menace, which is always a good thing. Again the author should read some more Warhammer Orc stories to get to know the Orc dialect (almost Cockney-ish, rather than what appears to be a bit Jamaican in this story, akin to the Warcraft trolls), but such a quibble is almost churlish given the quality of the rest of the story. In particular the fact the author managed to write a dark piece with a fair amount of goings-on with a relatively short length is particularly impressive (in part because no matter how hard I try I always seem to reach the max limit on my stories). Very well done!


All in all, as usual a high display of literary talent all around - I’ll be most interested to see who wins this one.

 

Uh oh it's il triello now. XD

Oh and great review-things, Lord Agragax.