Announcement Need help creating content for splash pages

So was that full added sentence accurate? (Link goes back a few posts.)

 

All three drafts together :: trying for "more informal voice"...
2nd Major Draft.


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Kings of War — Salamanders

Kings of War is a fast-paced tabletop game. Developed by Mantic Games, players fight in mass battles using armies of warriors and monsters. These model fantasy creatures are organized in trays or on stands into units. They then represent regiments of a large table top army. The Salamanders are one of about a dozen factions or nations available in the Kings of War rules.

Salamanders have dinosaurs, other scaley creatures and three kinds of interrelated bipedal reptilians who are all about flame, heat and fire. Their armies also include fire elementals as well as the dinos and reptiles. Their dangerous homeland is an archipelago dominated by three active volcanoes projecting from the sea.

At KOW-Salamanders.com players will find forums devoted to: discussing every aspect of the Salamander faction, a forum to post army lists and another for posting battle reports. There are also forums for help with tactics and rules questions.

At the umbrella hosting site (Lustria Onine) Salamander players will find sections devoted to Painting, Conversions, Sculpting and Terrain, and Army Backgrounds and Player Generated Fiction (fluff). Brand new players or gamers returning to the hobby should click here to become forum members. The new member introduction section is here and quite painless.

Mantic, Mantica, Kings of War, Mantic Games, are ™ and © Mantic Entertainment, LTD and mention on this page does not constitute any challenge to that status.


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Seraphon Forces in the Age of Sigmar

Age of Sigmar (AoS) is the newest fantasy tabletop war game from Games Workshop. It's a skirmish game where fantasy creatures can attack singly or in loose units as they battle other forces for supremacy in The Age of Sigmar. AoS is Games Workshop's successor to its Warhammer Fantasy Battles (WFB) and the Seraphon are the new, re-imagined version of the Lizardmen Army from WFB.

Seraphononline.com has the latest Seraphon Tactics and Army Builds. Tactics for opposing any other Age of Sigmar faction are constantly being discussed and expanded. Learn to paint Seraphon/Lizardmen for AoS by visiting the painting tips and conversion section. Come join the discussions on AOS fluff, including Seraphon stories and how to write for Lizardmen in the Age of Sigmar. Battle Reports and Rules Help forums are available as well.

Warhammer: AoS fans will also find sister forums (hosted by Lustria Onine) devoted to Painting, Conversions, Sculpting and Terrain, and Army Backgrounds and Player Generated Fiction. Explore one of the largest collections of Seraphon/Lizardmen paint schemes, conversions, and army colours in the Itza Gallery of Fine Arts. Brand new players or gamers returning to the hobby can click here to become forum members. The new member introduction section is here and very painless.

Seraphon, Lizardmen, Warhammer: Age of Sigmar, Games Workshop, Warhammer Fantasy Battles are or may be ™ or © of Games Workshop, LTD and mention on this web page does not constitute any kind of challenge to their status.


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Saurian Ancients in The 9th Age...

Fantasy Battles: The 9th Age (T9A) is the table top miniature war game designed by (and for) players looking for a direct successor to Warhammer Fantasy Battles (WFB) 8th edition. It's a game where organized rank and file units of traditional fantasy creatures form familiar armies to wage table top war. The free 9th Age rules allow the use of figures from any manufacturer. Some example armies include: Beast Herds, Dread Elves, Ogre Khans, Vermin Swarms, but most importantly the successors to the Games Workshop Lizardmen: the Saurian Ancients.

Saurian Ancients are the army of dinosaurs and everything scaley. Almost every model from WFB Lizardmen or the "Seraphon" faction in AoS has an equivalent in T9A rules. Dinosaur and lizard-folk miniature ranges are available from: Avatars of War, Citadel / Games Workshop, Mantic, RalPartha, ReaperMinis and several others. Saurianancients.com has places where 9th Age players can post Battle Reports and get help with rules interpretations from more experienced players, discuss which miniatures to use, get help with army list composition or tactics.

The 9th Age Fantasy Battles enthusiasts will also find related forums (hosted by Lustria Onine) devoted to Painting, Conversions, Sculpting and Terrain, and Army Backgrounds and Player Written Fiction. Lustria Online has a large collections of Saurian/Reptilian/Dinosaur paint schemes, conversions, and army colours in the Itza Gallery of Fine Arts. Brand new players or gamers rediscovering the hobby can click here to become forum members. The new member introduction section is here and thoroughly painless.


Fantasy Battles: The 9th Age, T9A, Saurian Ancients, Avatars of War, Citadel, Games Workshop, Mantic, RalPartha, ReaperMinis, Lizardmen, and Warhammer Fantasy Battles are either ®, ™, or © of their respective corporations or development groups. All rights are reserved to those entities and mention on this web page does not constitute any kind of challenge to the status of those marks.

 

I think that reads fine Pendrake. My only comments now are small ones - perhaps break up some of the longer sentences, especially in the introductory paragraphs? Readers will be more engaged if they're eased into the descriptors rather than whelmed by a long sentence.

Example: "Kings of War by Mantic Games is a fastpaced mass-battle table top war game."

Revision: "Kings of War is a fast-paced tabletop game. Developed by Mantic Games, players fight in mass battles using armies of warriors and monsters."

The "revision" is admittedly longer, but I hopefully got across the idea of making it a little more punchy.

It's not a huge thing, but maybe something worth considering.

 

Done.
And, thank you.
You phrasing is better. Any more revisions to suggest?

 

Did these Splash Pages ever get launched?