"You know you have put on to much weight lately. You feel like daily life is rolling over you in waves, trying to drown you. On top of this all your girlfriend/wife is pushing you around and making you do things you normally wouldn't do yourself" Grrr, Imrahil
2007 to 2010 was the golden age of amazing Onion videos. Just look for anything mentioning Clifford Banes. Their discussion panels are always gold mines of humor.