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Fiction The Extermination

Bowser said:
Chapter 16

The Terradon landed and Runefather Corgrim went straight for the ale. Flying was not for him. Some people took to flying right away some never could get the hang of it.

Lord Orkin flew by furiously. Floating palanquin did not have the same effect as stomping, but everyone present could sense his anger. The vault door opened and he flew in. The vault door slammed shut behind him. Slamming doors trumped stomping anyway.
"Out of my mind."

"You have been ordered to impart your memories to me."

"I am the exterminator. These are my memories. It's my constellation."

“You have been ordered to release control to me. You need a rest. Your work is sloppy. "

"How dare you? What do you know of..."

"ONE of your memories is on a different plane. Did you even notice? "

“I don't..."

"You don't even know which one do you? Let me in. Let me know the constellation so that when you get yourself killed they can still be used."

"Fine. After this battle I will come back to High Azyr and..."

“No. It happens here and now. We will shut this down. You have lost control. You have a memory lost in the realm of the rats. You need to step down."

"After the battle."

"We don't have time to negotiate...."

Both the Slann started to gasp in pain.

ChanHai stopped gasping in pain. He felt very different. He felt slower. He felt duller.
"Think it's infectious?"
"It certainly should be."
He felt afraid.
"Go on cut him a little."
He felt the blade sink into his skin. He felt the rusty blade tear at his flesh.
He felt blood trickling out of this wound.
"Well if it isn't infectious from him maybe we can load it into gun food."

“Ammunition?”

"That's what I said."
The skink writhed on the operating table as the skaven poked and stabbed metal objects into him. His chirps of pain quickly became dreadful screeches, until he made no sound at all.
ChanHai died. His corpse did not turn to light. He did not disappear from the operating table.
ChanHai did however disappear from Lord Orkin's memory. A star did disappear from the sky.
Click to expand...

I'm welling up here...
 
I've not yet read through the majority of these but a) impressive output, and b) I love the author's note sections. I may mandate that all authors on the forum include such a section...
 
I basically had it all written before starting to post, so output is easy! I really enjoy writing the author notes, gives the reader a bit of insight or background information.
 
Chapter 17
"Out of my mind."

"You have been ordered to impart your memories to me."

"I am the exterminator. These are my memories. It's my constellation."

“You have been ordered to release control to me. You need a rest. Your work is sloppy. "

"How dare you? What do you know of my work?"

"I don't know of your work. Which is why I require your memories, so if something happens to you I can carry out your work."

"After this battle."

"I have been ordered to shut you down if you do not comply.”

"What? Why?"

"I can't remember"
 
So I did not go into technical background of how this wipes the Seraphon character out of the Slann's memory, and with that memory being wiped, it's like that skink never existed. No existence takes away the reason the other slann has for questioning the chanpion tosser lord Orkin. I started writing scientific and magic reasons, but chose to leave it a little mysterious. Fake science is all well and good, but I think it would get questioned more than just, magic and science deal with it!
 
Chapter 18

Runefather Corgrim caught up to his brother King Dargrim.
"I'm sorry. I know it means nothing now but I am."

Dargrim turned red. It had been boiling his blood since Corgrim showed up.
"It won't bring her back."

“No, but I thought I should..."

“Well you shouldn't. She was with child you know."

"That bullet was meant for you, not her."

“You attempt to usurp my crown, attempt to assassinate me like you are some kind of skaven scum, kill my wife instead of me by mistake, and you're sorry? " Dargrim shouted.

Corgrim Steelbeard, Runefather was for the first time in his life speechless.

"Well? What have you got to say now? “He turned away from his brother. His enemy. Number one in his personal book of grudges, a grudge to be repaid in blood, his blood, his wife's blood, and his first born son's blood.

"Well? We had our issues, we fought hard for the crown, I won it fair, and you couldn't let it go. I have to pay you to come help in my time of need instead of you offering your help. You are the lowly spore of a greenskin. You have the nerve to even speak to me, and all you offer is a feeble apology?

“I didn't know..." Corgrim stuttered.

Dargrim turned around and buried his axe into the head of his brother, cleaving his head in two.
He left his axe and walked back to his hold. King of the empty mountain.
 
I wasn't sure if I wanted the tension between the two to be this dark, I re wrote this bit a lot before sending it to Bob for proofreading. I decided to keep this as the reason for the split, only worry is that I didn't build enough tension between them before this.
 
Bowser said:
I decided to keep this as the reason for the split
Click to expand...

Which split? The family estrangement or the head?

Either way, we knew they had issues. If you sprinkled in a tiny little hint like, "I would have put my grudge to rest before now if I didn't need your fighters, Corgrim. When this is over, it isn't over." that might make this less of a shock. I actually don't have a problem with the fact of it, but am a bit puzzled about the timing of it. It is probably the first chance they have had to square accounts after the battle, but the two point of view jumps in between make it seem like this happens somewhat later than that.

I'm guessing this is the tie up for the whole dwarf story arc and they won't feature much from now on. And, being about dwarfs, it isn't as important as the bleeding seraphon plot.

Consider a flip around: AT Chapter 16, King Dargrim sees that the rats are in rout as he gets a terradon ride back. He heads for the ale but Corgrim gets in his way / asks about payment - Corgrim realises his peril and tries to be apologetic and the family split sequence goes in here. Chapter ends.

Next chapter, the King has another go at getting to the ale and he sees Lord Orkin's door slamming tantrum. The King says to himself, "and I thought I was angry." and then the viewpoint switches to the "Out of my mind." section.

Effects
  • tidy up the dwarf stuff at the logical time - immediately after the battle is won + first time brothers cross paths.
  • take this jolting piece of misery out of the middle of the "how could this get worse / now it is worse section."
None of that may work depending an what comes after chapter 18. Chapter 19 presumably, and a happy ending.
 
Chapter 19
Lord Orkin fought hard to stay awake. It was the first time multiple Slann tried to penetrate his mind. He was stubborn, but he wasn't going to win. His memories, his constellation. Handpicked. The best rat killers in the history of time. And these memories, his constellation of exterminators, was being handed off to another Slann. His eyes shut. He was sleepy. Must fight it. Must keep the fight going. Entire units of seraphon started to disappear from the battlefield. Must remember. Must not close eyes.

A group of skaven engineers wheeled a catapult on to the field. They loaded it with a large amorphous bladder.

In the distance wardrums were beating. A noisy band of bored greenskins had invited themselves to the battle. It was almost a relief to the dwarfs that they were making noise, not like the creepy silent rats.
The dwarfs decided to turn their focus on the greenskins. Warmachines were pivoted in order to greet the new guests. Magmadroth riders and Gyrocopters finished up with the rats they were currently setting on fire, and turned toward the new foe. The lizards could clean up the vermin problem.

Lord Orkin's mind had been penetrated. His memories were being copied by four other slann.

The skaven catapult fired it's shot over the heads of rats, dwarves and lizards.
The bladder landed near a large battalion of skinks, the bladder exploded, splashing them with this burning liquid. The pain was brief but something didn't feel right.
The ground broke about thirty meters from the skinks. Stormfiends dug their way out.
The Stormfiends opened fire. Skink corpses hit the ground hard and stayed there. A cluster of stars would be missing from the night sky.

Lord Orkin and four other slann felt an incredible pain. A loud, haunting, unearthly bellow was heard troughout the battlefield and a wave of magical energy washed over the armies. Skaven that were within a hundred meters of the hold started bleeding from their noses, eyes, and ears before suffering a horrific stroke. The dwarfs natural resistance to magic spared them, though all present had received a nosebleed.

Five slann blacked out into unconsciousness.

The seraphon began disappearing from the plane rapidly. The only remaining seraphon was a large pile of skink corpses.

Lord Orkin's palanquin was resting on the ground. The mighty slann was slumped in the chair, unmoving.
 
Orcs? Orks?Orruks? Bloody greenskins. Anyway they are back, heavily changed from the first draft that I sent to my editor. Originally the greenskins did not show back up. They were just there for the fun of writing them. But they do add some tension to the battle, especially as the Seraphon have disappeared.
 
Ooh. The battle is still going?
Ignore my last batch of suggestions but bookmark that I am still confused about the timing of the split.

Those are very industrious rats - weaponising and delivering anti-sparkleTM in a very fast time frame :)
 
spawning of Bob said:
Those are very industrious rats - weaponising and delivering anti-sparkleTM in a very fast time frame
Click to expand...

Life is short, especially for Skaven, so when you have a good idea, trademark it, weaponise it, and send it flying across the landscape. It's the first thing they teach you in business school.
 
Night fell over the land. The dwarfs were being pushed back towards the hold. Skaven and Orruks, and the Seraphon had abruptly left. A broken constellation shone above.

Warlord Twitch Nosqueak was back on the battlefield. He gave the order to his chieftain and official squeaker. The battlefield erupted with noise. Squeaking and giggling and cackling. The sudden noise confused the Orruks.

The celebration of the rats broke what spirit the dwarfs had left.
The Dwarven drums beat out their erratic beat. The Orruk drims beat out their own beat and they started marching towards the rats.

Downtrodden dwarfs began to retreat to the hold. Few stayed to fight.
"Let them fight it out and the winner can come die with us. Let them come. We will topple the mountain on whichever of those wretched monstrosities comes for us." The king said.

"Sire, the king frog man is still in the vault.”

"The legends of seraphon said that they would drag us sinners to the afterlife. They did not tell us that they would torture us with hope first."
The king sounded out for a roll call. Too many were missing, the two names he was waiting for never replied back. He retired to his chamber, and took out the book of grudges. King Corgrim, paid in full. Lord Orkin added for the torture of hope, the loss of the royal brother, sister in law, and nephew, and ending a grudge before time or nature could.
King Dargrim held a gun up to his temple. He contemplated all that had gone on that brought him to this point. His brother, the rats, the lizards. His father never had these types of troubles. What kind of king would he be remembered as? He put the gun down on his desk. He changed into his finest armour. He walked out of his chambers and into the crowd, he was personality telling each person present how proud he was of what they had accomplished, and how proud he was to have them serve with him.

Outside the skaven and the orruks fought.
The dwarfs began to sing.
The broken constellation shone down on the plane.
 
Originally the Dwarf King killed himself in this chapter. It was quite dark, and had nothing about grudges it was another short chapter that parallelled the earlier point where the dwarfs were prepared to go scorched earth in the rats. But it struck me after re reading it that this king has never taken the easy way out, he put up with his brother after the assassination attempt. He paid this same person to help him. This dwarf is just too damned stubborn to die. Especially by his own hand. So here is where the story becomes quite a bit different from the first draft.
 
Chapter 21

Warlord Nosqueak left the noisy battlefield. His missions were accomplished, and he didn'tfeel like fighting orruks as well. He would get his pay. Not that pay would bring back Ghost. Nothing would, and he had to move quickly if he wereto exact revenge.

That evening Greyseer Antler had ChanHai's corpse stuffed and mounted. It would look great in his study. Of course it was also his ticket onto the council. He giggled to himself. Of course this was his plan all along. Get the Nosqueak to replace Cutthroat and most of the verminous clans in his district. At least that's what he wrote in his acceptance speech. Did he need an acceptance speech to be accepted into the council? Probably. Should be prepared anyway.
"Hello?” The Greyseer poked the prized seraphon with his staff. "Did you move?”
He poked the lizard until he was satisfied that it wasn't going to come back to life.
He removed his prosthetic horns and went to bed.

The skaven and orruks had thinned each othee out pretty well. Corpses littered the landscape. What was left of the orruks began to retreat.

Lord Orkin awoke suddenly.
"I can't believe they did that. How long have I been out?"
He got no reply.
The dwarfs were singing a lovely song. A funeral song. It was quite nice.
"Oh."
The vault door flew open and Lord Orkin shouted "Stop!"
Well not so much shouted as much as telepathically implanted the word into their mind with an urgent tone. The assembled dwarfs seemed confused. But they did as they were bade. The doors were opened. The Slann flew out and time seemed to stand still. "My constellation doesn't look right. Something is missing. I can’t remember how it used to look, but I will fix it”. The seraphon began showing up all over the battlefield. The rats focused more on making noise and celebrating didn’t know what hit them. Flaming lances piercing and searing flesh and fur. Dwarven Hammers crushing the skulls of the horrid little beasts. Celestite clubs raining down blows, maiming the foul abominations, splitting their bones. The dwarfs hurried back to the war machines and began firing. Dwarven axes cleaving through the hated rat creature limbs. An Oldblood directed his Carnosaur at the giant rat daemon. The daemon whipped its tail at the charging reptile, the Carnosaur didn’t seem to notice. The Monstrous reptile began clawing at the daemon, and sunk its teeth into the daemons arm. From behind a Stegadon began its charge. The massive beast shook the ground as it stampeded towards the abominable daemon. The Oldblood almost smiled as it watched two horns tear through the abdomen of the daemon. The impaled daemon tilted its head up and howled with rage, frothing at the mouth. The Carnosaur saw the opportunity and took it, going straight for the throat of its prey. The jagged teeth penetrated the impaled daemons jugular, mutilating the creature’s throat. The daemon clutched at the ribbons of flesh that were its throat and attempted to wail in pain before it fell back on to the great horned reptile, dead. The Stegadon shook the mangled corpse from its horns.

Another bladder was loaded into the catapult. Ripperdactyls ascended from the clouds on the unsuspecting catapult crew. An object flew from the back of the leathery winged monsters, igniting in the air, and the bladder was set ablaze. The Ripperdactyls using their beaks and their claws tore the crew asunder, blood and fur painted the burning catapult.

Lord Orkin looked over the bodies of the seraphon. He knew this was somehow not right, but he did not know these skinks. He ordered them brought in to the hold. He wiuld need to take thwm with him for examination. Mortal skinks should not still exist. Was this a signnof hope or a portent of doom?

As the sun came up the surviving of the skaven were retreating back to Skavenblight. Lord Orkin was sealing every portal they scurried into.

Greyseer Antler had done it. He had assured his seat on the Council of Thirteen. He had led the expedition, he had hired the research teams. He had killed one of the hated lizardthings. He had proof, a stuffed little bug-eyed lizardthing. That and a giant rock of unrefined Warpstone. He giggled to himself and started gnawing on the large green stone. The mystic rat’s giggle turned into a cackle as he chewed the stone. He felt the presence of someone in the room with him. His visitor said nothing. “Ah it’s my new favourite general. The Twitchy Nosqueaky. Don’t disturb me now though. Tomorrow we discuss how you big boss.” The Greyseer said adjusting his prosthetic horns. Twitch twitched.

The first sight the district was greeted to the next day was that of Greyseer Antler with no horns. He was propped with the stuffed Seraphon so that it looked like the lizard was dragging him towards a portal. The symbol of Ghost Shadowstab was carved into his back.
 
So this is where I chose to end it. I could always go back for an epilogue, or continue on with this story. The loose ends being, do the skaven still have this stuff that makes the immortals mortal? Will the slann take the mortal skinks, now wiped from memory as a sign of a spawning and waste time looking for how it happened, and more mortal seraphon? Will Nosqueak continue to lead? Will the dwarves unite or continue as two separate groups? I have none of these answers. Yet. But if I never come back to it feel free to continue for me!
 
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