Slann
Scalenex
Keeper of the Indexes
- Messages
- 11,463
- Likes Received
- 20,374
- Trophy Points
- 113
I happen to be privy of some new units that were on the drawing board for the End Times but didn’t make it. We already have Terradons, Razordons, and Troglodons. A new unit the Mafiadon was almost included in the End Times but after a few horse heads ended up in the beds of the employees of GW’s Italian division, the unit was pulled.
While there was never any talk of including a revamped Mazdamundi or Nakai, there were three new special characters that were almost added. The first was an Oldlbood simply called Thesaurus. Thesaurus hits/attacks/smites/bashes/cleaves the foes/enemies/antagonists/opponents of the Old Ones with his sword/blade/scimitar/hand weapon.
The second was Miley Saurus, the famous singer, but I couldn't make a comic when this video was so perfect.
The third was Dor’a’Explor’er who quested for lost artifacts while teaching people how to speak Saurian.
The Vampire Lord Renliss went on an errand for me in Los’tmabo’tl. I’d have gone there myself but you know…the apostrophes.
Renliss believed Los’tmabo’tl would be easy pickings, but he underestimated just how dangerous it can be.
Renliss was last seen in the padded room of Skeggi’s finest asylum, muttering something about hand weapons and spears.
Since Renliss failed me, I ultimately had to create Bob's comic index myself....
But the interesting part is that a delegation from Los’tmabo’tl once traveled to Klodorex…
Bob travels to Klodorex
Joe, Bob, and Rycek looked around seeing what seemed like an ordinary jungle, but there was a vague palpable menace. Rycek voiced his concerns.
“We have circled the globe with many whacky adventures but now we are nearing home! But why do I sense so much danger—I mean beyond the regular jungle dangers.”
Rycek failed to garner a response to his companions as they were having another derivative argument.
“Noun!”
“Other noun!”
“Noun!”
“Other noun!”
“Noun!”
“Other noun!”
“Adjective!” Rycek wisely yelled stilling the recurring gag. “We need to figure out where we are!”
“Why? We seem more effective the less we know what’s going on,” Bob said.
“That’s why you are the most effective of all,” Said Joe
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Okay you aren’t effective, therefore spears are better.”
“Huh?”
“Stop! You aren’t making any sense,” a new voice answered.
“Who said that?” Joe asked.
Two skinks of a coloration not seen before exited the foliage.
“You are pretty easy to sneak up on,” said a Skink
“We aren’t coloured green like you.” Bob replied.
“You are all of a solid color. We don’t usually see light blue Sauri without markings,” said the Skink.
“You mean ‘colour’ with a ‘u.’ You need to edit your dialog better.” Bob said.
“How can you hear the letter I used? “Color” and “colour” sound the same to the ear.” The other Skink asked.
“What’s the letter ‘u’?” Joe asked.
“It’s a letter that proper English includes in the word ‘colour’,” said Bob
“We speak American English here,” said the first Skink.
“Actually, we are speaking Saurian translated into American English,” said the other Skink.
“Huh?” Joe said.
“You should translate your Saurian into the Queen’s English!”
“American!”
“British!”
“American!”
“British—I mean Australian.”
“Crikey—I mean Mahrlect. Shut up you two!” Rycek said.
“He started it,” said the Skink.
“Don’t fall down to their level. You charming Sauri have stumbled into the area surrounding Klodorex.” replied the other Skink.
“Huh?” said Joe.
“Klodorex. It’s a smaller Temple City, also called a Kahoun.”
“I don’t understand?” Joe replied
“You know a ‘Temple City’ is where the First Children of the Old Ones gather to serve the Great Plan.” Said a Skink
“I know what a Temple City is, but I don’t understand the name. Does ‘Klodorex’ have some sort of concealed pun?” Joe asked.
“NO IT DOES NOT!” the Skinks yelled together
“What about apostrophes?” asked Bob.
“Apostrophes are only for contractions or to indicate possession. Apostrophes in names are a sign of hack fantasy. Question 36 of the Fantasy Novelist’s Exam.” explained a Skink.
“Question 36 tars hyphens and apostrophes with the same brush. Do you use hyphens in your names?” Bob asked.
“All the ti—,” the Skink paused. His face fell as the sudden awareness set in.
Bob, Joe, and Rycek stood in awkward silence with the Skinks for a few moments. Rycek decided to break the awkward silence.
“Well I’m Rycek, this is Bob and Joe—”
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
The Skinks began looking around in all directions and shaking in their nervousness.
“I don’t understand.” Joe said.
“Now you are all going to die and maybe take us with you!” a Skink exclaimed.
“Huh?” Bob says.
“Because you have names now! You said you are almost home from your adventures. That means you already survived many dangerous things. You have no chance now!” the Skink replied.
“Now I’m confused.” Bob said.
“Everyone with a name dies a horrible death! No one here uses names,” replied the other Skink.
“Then what do you call each other?” Rycek asked.
“Skink One and Skink Two.” said the first Skink.
“I thought I was going to be Skink One.” said Skink Two.
“You’re Two!”
“I’m One!”
“Two!”
“One!”
“Two!”
“One!”
“Two!”
“This is terrifyingly familiar…” said Rycek.
“I can explain,” said Skink One dodging the argument.
“You see. A long time ago Los’tmabo’tl and Klodorex began an exchange. Something about brainstorming ideas and correcting grammatical and continuity errors.”
“Why haven’t I heard of this?” asked Joe.
“It was edited out of the public record,” said Skink Two.
“Well if we have had an exchange before, and none of our named people died, why should worry now?” asked Rycek.
The Skinks looked at each other and spoke in unison.
“The Blending.”
“What’s the blending?” Joe asked.
“I said ‘Blending’ with a capital ‘B.’” said Skink Two.
“You shouldn’t be able to tell what’s capitalized from spoken dialogue either any more than I should be able to hear a silent ‘u.’ Also, I’m pretty sure Saurian doesn’t have capital letters—never mind, just tell us what ‘the Blending’ is.” Bob said.
“See, as ideas exchanged between our two literary cities, the authorship of reality gradually changed. Los’tmabo’tl gradually started incorporating non-pictorially based lengthy sagas with character development, linear plots, and the occasional heroic sacrifice. Klodorex began incorporating illustrations, better spelling, and humor, even a thinly veiled references to South Park and Castaway,” explained Skink One.
“I always thought of them more as Easter Eggs than references…” muttered Skink Two.
“Anyway, sometimes there are unintended side effects like our argument just now.” Skink One explained.
Bob paused and considered this.
“Does that mean you’ll start using extra apostrophes and spell armour and colour with an extra ‘u’.” Bob asked.
“NEVER!” the Skinks shouted.
“Then the three of us are safe. It seems certain aspects of both populations are absolute. We should have died an awful lot. Our uncanny survivability is set in stone just as your bastardized version of English is set in stone.” Rycek reasoned.
“I wouldn’t be so sure…” Skink Two replied.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure your dialogue is being scripted by a new author as we speak. Your death seems certain now.” said Skink Two.
“But we are well-liked characters! We can’t die, it would disappoint a lot of people if we died.” Joe shouted.
"No, that makes your death more likely.” Skink One said.
“What if you are very competent?” Rycek asked.
“No, then you just die after doing something cool,” Skink Two replied.
“So incompetence is good…” Bob reasoned.
“No, then you die early to show the level of threat to the competent characters. Your best chance for survival is to be barely competent.” Skink One said.
“So Bob is safe then.” Joe reasoned.
“Well that’s good—HEY!” Bob said.
“What if we just run away when danger threatens?” Rycek asked.
“That might have worked a year or two ago, but not anymore. Klodorex has a metaplot with several players and factions. There are third party factions that pick off stragglers from both sides nowadays.” Skink One answered.
“What if we make ourselves unlikeable!” Joe asked, then poked a Bob in the eye and laughed derisively.
“No, that won’t work. What you did is called slapstick which doesn’t translate well into the written word and it doesn’t necessarily affect likeability either. A few named characters have survived to die of old age after being jerks, but those were generally Skink Priests who inconvenienced protagonists,” said Skink Two
“You keep referencing things like ‘metaplot’ and ‘protagonists,’ does breaking the Fourth Wall help protect you?” Rycek asked.
“I doubt it. It seems at best neutral for survival,” Skink Two answered.
“What if we referenced Monty Python?” Bob inquired.
“Ni! I mean no! That is dangerous. Doing that will anger the literary forces. We cannot let the Blending spread to that level.” Skink One.
“But you just said the word!” Joe said.
“What ‘is’?” Skink Two asked.
“‘What Is’? you can’t get very far in life without saying ‘is’!” replied a nearby Human.
The two Skinks did a double take.
“Has there been a member of the Fourth Race standing next to you this whole time?” Skink One asked.
"Yes," Bob said.
“Well I didn’t want to introduce myself because you said names are dangerous,” he said.
“Why didn’t we notice you earlier?” asked Skink Two.
Rycek shrugged and answered.
“Probably because the narrator didn’t mention him in the exposition. Story characters literally do not exist until brought to life in writing. This piece probably should have been run by someone else for editing before posting who would have pointed out that the Human should have been mentioned earlier for clarity—”
“Hey I’ve been here the whole time!” the Human protested.
“We’ve had non-Lizardmen allies who traveled with us before but they were always constantly mentioned, at least in passing or to repeat their one-dimensional repeating gag joke of a name. I find the fact that you’ve been standing there quietly ominous”
“That proves you have a new author!” said Skink One.
“—Anyway, Bob, Joe and I frequently have a rotating supporting cast of non-Lizardmen companions and they always seem to leave peacefully after a story arc, so Shrödinger’s safe.” Rycek continued
“I wish you didn’t just name me…” The Human, Shrödinger, said forlornly.
“Hold on a second…how are we conversing with a Human so easily without magic or any other explanation for overcoming the language barrier?” Skink One asked.
Joe shrugged and said, “I don’t know I never thought about it until now. It’s kind of weird, but we overlooked it until now.”
“Now that we brought it up, readers will overlook the plothole because we mentioned how odd it was in character. I believe it’s called hanging a lampshade on it,” Bob replied.
“What’s a ‘lampshade’?” said Skink Two
“How did the Saurus put a hyperlink in his dialogue?” Shrödinger asked.
The jungle got quiet.
“Is that normal?” Joe asked.
Skink One’s and Two’s eyes darted about nervously.
“Usually a bout of sudden quiet means that Lord Renliss’ army is nearby, but the hyperlink reference, the ‘lampshade’…This silence could indicate something far worse,” said Skink One.
A loud series of snaps could easily be heard.
“The Fourth Wall is breaking under the strain! The narrative is falling apart…” said Skink Two.
“Only one thing will correct the narrative now,” Skink One said, voiced filled with resignation.
“What?” Bob, Joe and Rycek all asked simultaneously.
“Third Act closure…” the Skinks replied.
A roar was heard and the two Skinks jumped into nearby trees and drew several minor scratches.
A jaguar leapt from some concealing foliage and went straight for the Human, Shrödinger. Both man and cat went tumbling over a nearby cliff into a river far below.
“The Third Act is concluded,” declared Skink One.
“Oh no! The Blending inflicted a Third Act death upon our friend!” Joe despaired.
“No, our luck is contagious. Both Shrödinger and the big cat landed in the river. I say they are both alive. We need to go help our friend and the sacred animal of Huanchi.” Bob argued.
“They’re both dead!” Joe insisted.
“They’re both alive!” Bob argued.
“Dead!”
“Alive!”
“Dead!”
“Alive!”
“Dead!”
“Alive!”
Rycek sighed and broke up the argument.
“Right now, since we have no means to observe them, we can’t be sure. At this point, Shrödinger and his cat are neither alive nor dead. We better get down there to check.”
Rycek, Bob, and Joe traveled downward towards the river while Skinks One and Two returned to Klodorex to report their odd encounter. The two Skinks died of infections from their small scratches shortly thereafter.
While there was never any talk of including a revamped Mazdamundi or Nakai, there were three new special characters that were almost added. The first was an Oldlbood simply called Thesaurus. Thesaurus hits/attacks/smites/bashes/cleaves the foes/enemies/antagonists/opponents of the Old Ones with his sword/blade/scimitar/hand weapon.
I made a play on words and you are expecting a visual gag too. Now that's just being unreasonable.
The second was Miley Saurus, the famous singer, but I couldn't make a comic when this video was so perfect.
The third was Dor’a’Explor’er who quested for lost artifacts while teaching people how to speak Saurian.
The Vampire Lord Renliss went on an errand for me in Los’tmabo’tl. I’d have gone there myself but you know…the apostrophes.
Renliss believed Los’tmabo’tl would be easy pickings, but he underestimated just how dangerous it can be.
Renliss was last seen in the padded room of Skeggi’s finest asylum, muttering something about hand weapons and spears.
Since Renliss failed me, I ultimately had to create Bob's comic index myself....
But the interesting part is that a delegation from Los’tmabo’tl once traveled to Klodorex…
Bob travels to Klodorex
Joe, Bob, and Rycek looked around seeing what seemed like an ordinary jungle, but there was a vague palpable menace. Rycek voiced his concerns.
“We have circled the globe with many whacky adventures but now we are nearing home! But why do I sense so much danger—I mean beyond the regular jungle dangers.”
Rycek failed to garner a response to his companions as they were having another derivative argument.
“Noun!”
“Other noun!”
“Noun!”
“Other noun!”
“Noun!”
“Other noun!”
“Adjective!” Rycek wisely yelled stilling the recurring gag. “We need to figure out where we are!”
“Why? We seem more effective the less we know what’s going on,” Bob said.
“That’s why you are the most effective of all,” Said Joe
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Okay you aren’t effective, therefore spears are better.”
“Huh?”
“Stop! You aren’t making any sense,” a new voice answered.
“Who said that?” Joe asked.
Two skinks of a coloration not seen before exited the foliage.
“You are pretty easy to sneak up on,” said a Skink
“We aren’t coloured green like you.” Bob replied.
“You are all of a solid color. We don’t usually see light blue Sauri without markings,” said the Skink.
“You mean ‘colour’ with a ‘u.’ You need to edit your dialog better.” Bob said.
“How can you hear the letter I used? “Color” and “colour” sound the same to the ear.” The other Skink asked.
“What’s the letter ‘u’?” Joe asked.
“It’s a letter that proper English includes in the word ‘colour’,” said Bob
“We speak American English here,” said the first Skink.
“Actually, we are speaking Saurian translated into American English,” said the other Skink.
“Huh?” Joe said.
“You should translate your Saurian into the Queen’s English!”
“American!”
“British!”
“American!”
“British—I mean Australian.”
“Crikey—I mean Mahrlect. Shut up you two!” Rycek said.
“He started it,” said the Skink.
“Don’t fall down to their level. You charming Sauri have stumbled into the area surrounding Klodorex.” replied the other Skink.
“Huh?” said Joe.
“Klodorex. It’s a smaller Temple City, also called a Kahoun.”
“I don’t understand?” Joe replied
“You know a ‘Temple City’ is where the First Children of the Old Ones gather to serve the Great Plan.” Said a Skink
“I know what a Temple City is, but I don’t understand the name. Does ‘Klodorex’ have some sort of concealed pun?” Joe asked.
“NO IT DOES NOT!” the Skinks yelled together
“What about apostrophes?” asked Bob.
“Apostrophes are only for contractions or to indicate possession. Apostrophes in names are a sign of hack fantasy. Question 36 of the Fantasy Novelist’s Exam.” explained a Skink.
“Question 36 tars hyphens and apostrophes with the same brush. Do you use hyphens in your names?” Bob asked.
“All the ti—,” the Skink paused. His face fell as the sudden awareness set in.
Bob, Joe, and Rycek stood in awkward silence with the Skinks for a few moments. Rycek decided to break the awkward silence.
“Well I’m Rycek, this is Bob and Joe—”
“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
The Skinks began looking around in all directions and shaking in their nervousness.
“I don’t understand.” Joe said.
“Now you are all going to die and maybe take us with you!” a Skink exclaimed.
“Huh?” Bob says.
“Because you have names now! You said you are almost home from your adventures. That means you already survived many dangerous things. You have no chance now!” the Skink replied.
“Now I’m confused.” Bob said.
“Everyone with a name dies a horrible death! No one here uses names,” replied the other Skink.
“Then what do you call each other?” Rycek asked.
“Skink One and Skink Two.” said the first Skink.
“I thought I was going to be Skink One.” said Skink Two.
“You’re Two!”
“I’m One!”
“Two!”
“One!”
“Two!”
“One!”
“Two!”
“This is terrifyingly familiar…” said Rycek.
“I can explain,” said Skink One dodging the argument.
“You see. A long time ago Los’tmabo’tl and Klodorex began an exchange. Something about brainstorming ideas and correcting grammatical and continuity errors.”
“Why haven’t I heard of this?” asked Joe.
“It was edited out of the public record,” said Skink Two.
“Well if we have had an exchange before, and none of our named people died, why should worry now?” asked Rycek.
The Skinks looked at each other and spoke in unison.
“The Blending.”
“What’s the blending?” Joe asked.
“I said ‘Blending’ with a capital ‘B.’” said Skink Two.
“You shouldn’t be able to tell what’s capitalized from spoken dialogue either any more than I should be able to hear a silent ‘u.’ Also, I’m pretty sure Saurian doesn’t have capital letters—never mind, just tell us what ‘the Blending’ is.” Bob said.
“See, as ideas exchanged between our two literary cities, the authorship of reality gradually changed. Los’tmabo’tl gradually started incorporating non-pictorially based lengthy sagas with character development, linear plots, and the occasional heroic sacrifice. Klodorex began incorporating illustrations, better spelling, and humor, even a thinly veiled references to South Park and Castaway,” explained Skink One.
“I always thought of them more as Easter Eggs than references…” muttered Skink Two.
“Anyway, sometimes there are unintended side effects like our argument just now.” Skink One explained.
Bob paused and considered this.
“Does that mean you’ll start using extra apostrophes and spell armour and colour with an extra ‘u’.” Bob asked.
“NEVER!” the Skinks shouted.
“Then the three of us are safe. It seems certain aspects of both populations are absolute. We should have died an awful lot. Our uncanny survivability is set in stone just as your bastardized version of English is set in stone.” Rycek reasoned.
“I wouldn’t be so sure…” Skink Two replied.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure your dialogue is being scripted by a new author as we speak. Your death seems certain now.” said Skink Two.
“But we are well-liked characters! We can’t die, it would disappoint a lot of people if we died.” Joe shouted.
"No, that makes your death more likely.” Skink One said.
“What if you are very competent?” Rycek asked.
“No, then you just die after doing something cool,” Skink Two replied.
“So incompetence is good…” Bob reasoned.
“No, then you die early to show the level of threat to the competent characters. Your best chance for survival is to be barely competent.” Skink One said.
“So Bob is safe then.” Joe reasoned.
“Well that’s good—HEY!” Bob said.
“What if we just run away when danger threatens?” Rycek asked.
“That might have worked a year or two ago, but not anymore. Klodorex has a metaplot with several players and factions. There are third party factions that pick off stragglers from both sides nowadays.” Skink One answered.
“What if we make ourselves unlikeable!” Joe asked, then poked a Bob in the eye and laughed derisively.
“No, that won’t work. What you did is called slapstick which doesn’t translate well into the written word and it doesn’t necessarily affect likeability either. A few named characters have survived to die of old age after being jerks, but those were generally Skink Priests who inconvenienced protagonists,” said Skink Two
“You keep referencing things like ‘metaplot’ and ‘protagonists,’ does breaking the Fourth Wall help protect you?” Rycek asked.
“I doubt it. It seems at best neutral for survival,” Skink Two answered.
“What if we referenced Monty Python?” Bob inquired.
“Ni! I mean no! That is dangerous. Doing that will anger the literary forces. We cannot let the Blending spread to that level.” Skink One.
“But you just said the word!” Joe said.
“What ‘is’?” Skink Two asked.
“‘What Is’? you can’t get very far in life without saying ‘is’!” replied a nearby Human.
The two Skinks did a double take.
“Has there been a member of the Fourth Race standing next to you this whole time?” Skink One asked.
"Yes," Bob said.
“Well I didn’t want to introduce myself because you said names are dangerous,” he said.
“Why didn’t we notice you earlier?” asked Skink Two.
Rycek shrugged and answered.
“Probably because the narrator didn’t mention him in the exposition. Story characters literally do not exist until brought to life in writing. This piece probably should have been run by someone else for editing before posting who would have pointed out that the Human should have been mentioned earlier for clarity—”
“Hey I’ve been here the whole time!” the Human protested.
“We’ve had non-Lizardmen allies who traveled with us before but they were always constantly mentioned, at least in passing or to repeat their one-dimensional repeating gag joke of a name. I find the fact that you’ve been standing there quietly ominous”
“That proves you have a new author!” said Skink One.
“—Anyway, Bob, Joe and I frequently have a rotating supporting cast of non-Lizardmen companions and they always seem to leave peacefully after a story arc, so Shrödinger’s safe.” Rycek continued
“I wish you didn’t just name me…” The Human, Shrödinger, said forlornly.
“Hold on a second…how are we conversing with a Human so easily without magic or any other explanation for overcoming the language barrier?” Skink One asked.
Joe shrugged and said, “I don’t know I never thought about it until now. It’s kind of weird, but we overlooked it until now.”
“Now that we brought it up, readers will overlook the plothole because we mentioned how odd it was in character. I believe it’s called hanging a lampshade on it,” Bob replied.
“What’s a ‘lampshade’?” said Skink Two
“How did the Saurus put a hyperlink in his dialogue?” Shrödinger asked.
The jungle got quiet.
“Is that normal?” Joe asked.
Skink One’s and Two’s eyes darted about nervously.
“Usually a bout of sudden quiet means that Lord Renliss’ army is nearby, but the hyperlink reference, the ‘lampshade’…This silence could indicate something far worse,” said Skink One.
A loud series of snaps could easily be heard.
“The Fourth Wall is breaking under the strain! The narrative is falling apart…” said Skink Two.
“Only one thing will correct the narrative now,” Skink One said, voiced filled with resignation.
“What?” Bob, Joe and Rycek all asked simultaneously.
“Third Act closure…” the Skinks replied.
A roar was heard and the two Skinks jumped into nearby trees and drew several minor scratches.
A jaguar leapt from some concealing foliage and went straight for the Human, Shrödinger. Both man and cat went tumbling over a nearby cliff into a river far below.
“The Third Act is concluded,” declared Skink One.
“Oh no! The Blending inflicted a Third Act death upon our friend!” Joe despaired.
“No, our luck is contagious. Both Shrödinger and the big cat landed in the river. I say they are both alive. We need to go help our friend and the sacred animal of Huanchi.” Bob argued.
“They’re both dead!” Joe insisted.
“They’re both alive!” Bob argued.
“Dead!”
“Alive!”
“Dead!”
“Alive!”
“Dead!”
“Alive!”
Rycek sighed and broke up the argument.
“Right now, since we have no means to observe them, we can’t be sure. At this point, Shrödinger and his cat are neither alive nor dead. We better get down there to check.”
Rycek, Bob, and Joe traveled downward towards the river while Skinks One and Two returned to Klodorex to report their odd encounter. The two Skinks died of infections from their small scratches shortly thereafter.
Last edited:
